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Puddles Pity Party, the seven foot sad clown with the golden voice is at Soho Theatre until 25 July. Exclusive Popbitch discount – 5 GBP off tickets with code “royals”: Tickets/Info/Watch clips:
http://bit.ly/1UEmh2w
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“I’ve been drinking too much, a full bottle of wine of an evening, especially on Fridays” – Simon Danczuk
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|_| |_|09.07.15 ISSUE 745
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* Puffins hit Norwich!
* Clarkson’s golden shower
* Charts: David Zowie is No. 1
>> Sterling work <<
Cop out of this, Raheem
Raheem Sterling’s reputation is taking a fresh battering as he now refuses to turn up at Liverpool FC, but the club had probably already got the message.
At the Liverpool players’ end of season dinner last month Steven Gerrard was given a lifetime achievement award. Everyone got up to give him a standing ovation. Everyone, except for those on Raheem Sterling’s table.
Raheem, Glen Johnson and a couple of others sat looking the other way while the rest of the squad stood and cheered on their captain.
The bookies have as much confidence in Radamel Falcao as Louis Van Gaal. He’s 33-1 to be league top scorer.
>> Essex education <<
You couldn’t make it up
Everyone likes to scoff at Joey Essex (and we’re really no exception) but there’s no denying that he tries his very best to treat every experience as a learning opportunity.
For example, when he was in the pitch meeting for his book at Hodder and Stoughton, he decided to ask the literary experts around him a question that had been bugging him for ages.
“What is fiction?”
Bless.
Antony Costa from Blue is going to be starring in a new production of The Who’s Tommy.
>> Big Questions <<
Who’s asking what this week?
Which game young actor has been luring other gentlemen into the men’s toilets with the promise of coke, only to then whip his kit off in the cubicle and demand that they have sex with him?
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Love the warped world of showbiz? Worship Lorraine Kelly? Get DEATH ON DAYTIME – the summer hit she’s calling ‘cheeky, sassy and very readable’. It’s Bridget Jones meets Nancy Drew:
http://tinyurl.com/qyxc825
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>> Trigger warning <<
The cycle path test
Now that Dom Joly has had 12 years to come up with a few new gags, will the next series of Trigger Happy TV feature any fresh new hilarity?
Well, if him cycling through Pavilion Gardens in Brighton earlier this week, screaming “THIS IS A CYCLE PATH! I’M ON A BICYCLE!” at a packed field of people was a skit for the show, then no. It won’t.
Phill Jupitus on the Edinburgh to Kings X train, being surprisingly conscientious and moving to the vestibule to take his phone calls.
>> Just say no <<
Death of liberal values
The clearest bit of post-referendum political analysis to come out of Greece arrived via BuzzFeed this week.
Yes-voter Costis Zombanakis, (“Harvard-educated millionaire businessman and basketball impresario”) explained the critical tactical flaw in the Yes campaign as follows:
“The No side had a simple message. They said ‘The Germans are cunts and [former prime minister] Samaras is a cunt’.”
“You’re not going to win by talking about liberal European values when No’s message is that the Germans are cunts.”
Something, perhaps, for those arranging UK’s Euro referendum to think about.
XFM workers are loving their new star DJ Chris Moyles’ music tastes on Twitter. Big Taylor Swift fan.
>> Popbits <<
Wonder from down under
Something from excellent Sydney-based label Future Classics to recommend, thanks to our editors down under.
We’re already massive fans of Flight Facilities and Chet Faker – and this new track from Hayden James has a proper laidback summer vibe.
Where was Alex Zane hanging around trying to get noticed this week? Outside Tony Visconti’s Man Who Sold The World at Shepherd’s Bush Empire.
>> Pissed-on heads <<
The man with a golden gun
Jeremy Clarkson’s temper tantrums were so frequent at Top Gear, claim some production staff, that they developed a code for his moods. If things ever reached a ‘CC4’ (‘Cunt Com Four’) then you’d know not to approach him under any circumstance – even if it was urgent.
Given that he punched a man over a bad dinner order, we can only imagine how Clarkson would place on the Cunt Com scale if he ever found out that irked crew members had taken to pissing in the water pistol that he used to spray himself down with to keep cool when filming in the southern states of America.
FYI: Dealing with May and Hammond, they say, was much easier.
Hey! Alberto Contador’s wife is called Macarena.
>> Puff piece <<
Norwich’s new hot spot
Alan Partridge news now, and it has just been announced that puffins are about to be reintroduced into the Norwich Lanes for the first time in over 400 years.
Better yet, weekly puffin stroking classes will take place on Saturday mornings throughout the summer months.
Harry Kane currently has the builders in his Essex house.
>> R.I.Peter <<
Supporting Hollywood tales
Mike writes:
“My uncle, Peter Flynn, died last week. He took up acting in his 60s and appeared as an old dude in many popular TV series and films including World War Z and The Other Boleyn Girl.
“While filming The Other Boleyn Girl he tried to lure me to set because there was a lovely girl he was certain I’d hit it off with. However, I never found time. It transpires the girl was Scarlett Johansson. Peter had played one of her servants in the film and they struck up a friendship over the course of filming as she would walk between locations while other cast members were shuttled about.
“While filming World War Z, Peter took a tumble while filming a ‘run from zombies’ scene and was injured. Brad Pitt carried him off set to help and later visited him in hospital to make sure he was OK.”
Gruesome Twosome: Mario Vargas Llosa and Isabel Preysler (a.k.a the ex-Mrs Julio Iglesias). And he announced it in Hola! magazine.
>> Deja views <<
Heard it all before
Regular Popbitch readers might have noticed a few stories in the popular press this week that sounded a bit familiar.
i) Chris Moyles to join XFM * Popbitch – April 2015
ii) US girl band Fifth Harmony to become a huge success here in the UK
* Popbitch – May 2013
iii) NME to radically alter its publishing model because of dwindling sales and a general lack of interest
* Popbitch – 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015
(Admittedly we, ahem, did play a bit of a long game there…)
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Audible have done a series of comedy pilots. Help choose what gets a full series. Try CATCHING UP, “Witty character comedy with a warm heart” – it’s free here:
http://adbl.co/1ILRqwj
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>> Hmmms <<
Nympho, shovel, splasher
A London hotel.. by Hyde Park… only 99GBP B&B!
http://bit.ly/1Cvf0Hj
Does the diarrhoea splasher of Glastonbury have form?
http://bit.ly/1NQqgnB
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Thanks to: manikman, MG, mrmrr, T, C, JK, J, B, abominablehoman, SW, JE, SW,
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Old Jokes’ Home:
Q/ What airport should coeliacs always avoid?
A/ Gluton.
Still Bored?
The hippo escaped, the tiger was shot… what happened next in Tblisi?
http://bit.ly/1dO6TPJ
