The Final Checkout

“The mouth is for eating, not for sex” – President Museveni of Uganda

“It’s very difficult to locate [eggs] now in a supermarket. Obviously I wouldn’t ever buy eggs, but it’s worth taking note of these things” – Morrissey

Katie Price is supposed to be doing the London Marathon on Sunday. It’s pretty well known that she’s done no training and has only raised £250 for charity, but what’s less well known is that those are actually the high spots of her planning.

Pricey is also lined up to do a PA at Aruba’s nightclub in Redcar on Saturday night at 2am. Redcar is in North Yorkshire, approximately a five-hour drive from London. Runners will gather at 8am for the start of the race, and Pricey is due to give pre-race interviews around 9am.

And this still might not be her biggest problem. Because yesterday, race organisers couldn’t see if she was even registered for the race at all.

Best of luck, Katie!

Back in 2016, we wrote about a Radar Radio presenter who was made to sign a non-disclosure agreement promising never to mention Sports Direct on air (Radar Radio is run by the son of the company’s CEO, Mike Ashley, and gets most of its funding from daddy’s contentious cash cow).

Some Radar personalities got a little shirty with us after we published that, saying they had never heard of anyone at the station signing an NDA (although, in fairness, that is sort of the point of them).

So we noted with some interest that the station has suspended broadcast this week, following allegations of a ‘toxic’ working atmosphere there. Presenters had tried to speak out about sexual harassment of employees – and how did the station choose to deal with the situation initially? Why, by trying to get them to sign NDAs, of course!

Which supermodel has started to interest HMRC for more than just her looks? Someone has apparently noticed she’s been asking for her appearances at corporate events to be paid only in cash.

The MailOnline fired a reporter in Australia this week for accidentally publishing an article in which she described reality TV contestants as “vapid cunts”.

The Mail never uses that word uncensored in the body of their articles, but we’re not entirely sure the same can be said of their hidden text or metadata. Because when we searched the Daily Mail app for mentions of the word ‘cunt’ it brought up an article about James Corden – which didn’t have the word ‘cunt’ in the body.

It was much worse for poor Jessie Wallace, who appeared in stories brought up when we searched for ‘shit’, ‘fucker’, ‘shithead’ and ‘motherfucker’.

Is it a glitch in the system? Or is Paul Dacre’s vocabulary simply hardwired into the very fabric of the Mail?

[See for yourself on Popbitch]

Dale Winton may have been a natural on camera, but he definitely wasn’t born to be under stage lights. The heat of them caused him to sweat profusely. In fact, he was so sensitive to temperature that if the studio wasn’t practically refrigerated, his make-up would start to run terribly and he looked like he was melting.

However, because so many of his shows were recorded during the day, it was mainly pensioners filling the seats. They constantly complained about the sub zero studio and would ask to leave during the recordings.

Rather than fight old ladies, ever the professional, Dale would simply battle on through. And when things got especially damp, he would fix sanitary towels to his armpits to stop anything leaking through to his jacket.

One area in which Dale Winton did make life a little difficult for any technical crew was in post-production. Extra time was needed on the edits for the final series of Supermarket Sweep as the online editor had to go through the footage, shot by shot, to find Dale Winton’s hands in each frame and colour grade them to the same shade as his face.

Apparently, before this was done it looked like he was wearing surgical gloves.

[Read on Conservative Woman]

Often when you hire a celebrity to make a public appearance, they will make certain demands. These can verge from the very simple (Princess Anne asks for a can of coke) to the utterly ridiculous (Mariah Carey once insisted her dressing room be filled with puppies).

Others are a little more mysterious. For example, when Dale Winton was signed to do a corporate event, it was made clear to the organisers that none of the guests in attendance was allowed to see Dale eat.

The Guardian had an interview feature with Victoria Beckham this week, which followed her daily exercise routine as she gets ready to launch a new brand collaboration with Reebok.

It struck us as strange that an article about her fashion business wouldn’t mention the fact that she is currently looking to shed 60 employees after posting record losses, and that there are whispers of a possible Chapter 11 dogging the company.

Cynics will say that that’s because Reebok paid for the interviewer’s trip, but we refuse to believe it. It’s probably just because Victoria’s daily mind-clearing “Tracy Anderson-method dance-based workout” is so good that she clean forgot to mention any of that to the reporter.

You’d think one of the fringe benefits of working for a celebrity chef would be that they’d maybe whip you up a little something for lunch or afternoon tea. Not so.

Someone who worked on a major project for James Martin was only ever offered Tunnocks Caramel Wafers and Diet Coke as refreshment – even during the frequent 10 hour days they had to pull.

The one time they did get to eat a proper meal at his house, it was prepared by Martin’s own chef. But when they thanked the chef for the delicious meal, James butted in to say, “Yeah, but it’s my recipe though.”

The new summer advertising campaign for Kenzo Flower perfume is set to a song from Mercury-nominated singer-songwriter Tom McRae.

The light, iconic perfume is described by Kenzo as “a real antidote to the ambient gloom, the poppy wakes up the city with its positive and colorful energy.”

So which song did they pick? What A Way To Win A War. Written as a dark, downbeat treatise on the death of the left in British politics after Tony Blair, the lyrics are about what it’s like to feel sold out by your trusted generals.

What a perfect combination!

Good angry badger news
[See on the BBC]

Bad butt-breathing turtle news
[Read on PhysOrg]

BBC sound effects – 16,000 of them
[Hear on Acropolis]

Fancy a lifesize cardboard cutout of Bashar al-Assad for the living room? A snip at just $39.95!
[Buy at Amazon]

A combined nominative determinism and local news story this week, as Wayne Bellows gets in trouble with Lymington council for shouting too loudly
[Read on Bournemouth Echo]

Now that the sun’s out, anyone for a taxidermied frog bikini?
[See on KLFY]