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A rare opportunity to see/hear the 3rd largest TED speaker in history. Simon Sinek is giving a breakfast talk in London, 1st Nov, 845-10am. It’s about the power of collaboration and how we should all ask for help when we need it. Get tickets here – 10% discount with code POPBITCH: http://bit.ly/2e3WK4i
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“Let me translate that, if I can” – Hillary Clinton
“No, you can’t” – Donald Trump
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|_| |_|20.10.17 ISSUE 806
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* Paedo Pimp to the rescue!
* Catfishing in North Korea!
* Charts: James Arthur still no 1
>> Winter is coming <<
Chapman’s Game of Bones
Usually when a celeb is involved in an embarrassing webcam sex story, they’re having some sort of midlife crisis – like Leslie Grantham, or Jason Manford.
Not Dean-Charles Chapman though. The actor (who’s best known for playing Tommen Baratheon in Game Of Thrones) is just 19 years old and the latest celeb accused of blowing his own trumpet online.
Footage supposedly of the teenage king wanking for strangers turned up on webcam chat service, Omegle. Online frot fans were initially a little sceptical that they had a genuine star in their midst, presuming it just was a lookalike. However, the speed at which links to the video are being taken down has made them think twice.
The tell that really suggests it might be him? Chapman isn’t alone in the video. He’s whacking away side-by-side with his cousin – thereby proudly upholding the Lannister family traditions.
Nigel Farage spotted in Pizza Express reading a book about himself.
>> Big Questions <<
Who’s asking what this week?
Which England manager candidate has been a bit sloppy with his text messaging? One text that’s gone astray shows him gushing to his current mistress, telling her how he’d rather be in bed with her than having to go and take football training?
Gok Wan is planning his own version of the international stage hit The Vagina Monologues.
>> Dole again? <<
Kerry’s one woman show
Theatre lovers of the Midlands, brace yourselves. Kerry Katona has been forced to pull out of the opening night of her one woman show in Melton Mowbray.
Not because she’s only sold 42 tickets for it (how dare you even suggest such a thing?) It’s because she has important commitments with Atomic Kitten: that hot, of-the-moment band she’s in.
Ticket holders in Stamford will also be disappointed to hear that she’s somehow managed to double-book that date too.
Luckily for her, the people who work in regional theatre aren’t really prone to gossiping – so it’s extremely unlikely that any negative feedback would ever get back to anyone at the Lincoln Theatre, where she’s currently due to perform in panto this Christmas.
Although Kerry K has been booked to turn on the Xmas lights in Lincoln this year, it’s interesting to see they’ve also confirmed paralympian Sophie Wells. Just in case…
>> The Election Section <<
A Popbitch presidential party
The US election is on November 8th and Popbitch is teaming up with Street Feast @ Dinerama in Shoreditch to host an all-night party.
We’ll be there from 8pm-5am to watch the results come in. Join us to see if Donald Trump gets his tiny little hands on the nuclear codes.
50GBP tickets include:
– Unlimited US street food buffet
– A pint of Obama’s favourite beer and a shot of bourbon on arrival
– A Popbitch quiz and party games throughout the night
– A survivors’ breakfast (with plenty of coffee) for those who make it through, and much more.
8th Nov, Shoreditch, London.
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Get in the election mood early with our FREE Popbitch US Election issue. Crack-smoking mavericks, presidential pornos and we figure out who’s really to blame for Donald Trump. Download it now for smartphones and tablets.
iOS: http://bit.ly/1bexc8Y
Android: http://bit.ly/1vvdK7H
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>> Trumped up charges <<
Paedo pimp to the rescue!
When you’re facing accusations of sexual assault, friends can be hard to find – so you can’t be too choosy when it comes to character witnesses. That’s why Max Clifford ended up having Pauline Quirke tell the court what a “good and decent man” he was, and why the Chuckle Brothers were called to give evidence in defence of Dave
Lee Travis.
But even Paul and Barry Chuckle aren’t a patch on the guy that Donald Trump has got batting for him. The “substantial evidence” his campaign promised? An alibi from one Anthony Gilberthorpe.
Gilberthorpe is probably best known for claims he procured underage boys for Tory sex parties while he worked as an aide for Thatcher (claims that stayed unprinted for 20 years as journos were so sceptical of Gilberthorpe, they had to wait until everyone else involved was dead so they wouldn’t sue).
He was also behind the 90s sting of Tory MP Piers Merchant, rigging up a camera in his flat to catch Merchant having sex with an ex-assistant. The scandal cost Merchant his job.
What was in it for Gilberthorpe? 25,000 quid.
Downing St insiders say Philip “The Disco Goth” Hammond and Theresa May are not currently on speaking terms.
>> Shaggy dog story <<
Another hair-raising tale
The Spaniard’s Inn in Hampstead is a very dog-friendly pub, and staff are used to corralling errant hounds that wander away from their owners. Nevertheless, they were tested by a little golden furball that was recently scampering all over the garden.
On closer inspection, they found it wasn’t a dog. It was Patsy Kensit’s blonde hairpiece.
Nominative Determinism Of The Week: The Chairman and CEO of the Merchant Navy Association? Captain John Sail.
>> Fishy story <<
Inside North Korea
North Korea may not be having much success with their long-range missiles, but one area in which the secretive country is really flourishing? Fish.
North Korea’s big plan to avoid any more of those famine horror stories is to go big on catfish farming – and anyone lucky enough to visit the Pyongyang catfish farm follows in the footsteps of the two most recent Dear Leaders.
Not only does the farm have two whole rooms lined with photos of both Kim Jong Il and Kim Jong Un’s visits, there is another room filled with stuffed catfish.
And not just any old catfish. Supposedly the very same catfish that Kim Jong Il saw on his visit almost a decade ago, stuffed for posterity, in his honour.
FYI: For the full, unparodyable story of visiting DPRK right now:
http://bit.ly/2dJvGpg
Dr Who fans are sending good vibes to Colin Baker, who’s been spending some time in hospital recently.
>> Sheikh down <<
Friends in low places
Sources close to the Fake Sheikh’s legal team say they’ve warned him to expect three years jail time when he is sentenced tomorrow for perverting the course of justice during the Tulisa drugs trial. But don’t expect him to be abandoned by his ever-loyal pals Rebekah Brooks and Rupert Murdoch while he serves his time.
Mahmood worked very closely with Brooks for more than a decade at NOTW, and he got his job at the Sun on Sunday after a personal intervention by Murdoch himself.
More importantly, they’re going to need to keep the disgraced undercover investigator sweet if they want his help untangling themselves from the many legal knots they now face settling civil cases with Sven Goran Eriksson, the Duchess of York, John Alford et al…
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VIP hospitality: The Stone Roses come to Wembley Stadium on 17th June 2017 and Popbitch readers can enjoy the best seats in the house with VIP hospitality packages available from GBP359pp (inc VAT). Call Harry Thorne on 0208 795 9540 or click here: http://bit.ly/2etK5qN
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>> Ashes to ashes <<
Resurrecting album sales
Album sales have sunk to historic lows this year, but one American act is not prepared to go gentle into that good night.
Copies of veteran experimentalists Negativland’s new album come with a great incentive for fans to buy the physical edition. Each album they ship comes with two grams of late former vocalist Don Joyce’s ashes (while stocks last…)
K-Pop superstars BTS are the first Korean act in the UK official album chart (number 62). They’re top 30 in the US and Canada charts too.
>> Rum timing <<
Going back to their roots
London’s trendy new rum bar Burlock had its big opening party this week – although the bar is not nearly as new as they’d have you think.
The venue was actually slated to open in August under a different name. But, funnily enough, it didn’t go down too well that an expensive bar in Mayfair serving rum drinks to rich white folk was called… The Plantation.
So they canned it, waited a while for the heat to die down and then reopened in the hope that no-one remembered.
Welcome back, guys!
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This week’s Media Masters podcast: Stig Abell, the editor of the Times Literary Supplement talks behind the scenes at his LBC show, editing the Sun and his love/hate relationship with Twitter. Listen here: http://bit.ly/2eTSDdg
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>> Hmmms <<
Arses, wanking, cheese
Remember last week we said that Will Young was into record-breaking masturbation? Here he is on camera:
http://bit.ly/2ewQaCE
Footage from the first ever furry convention in 1989:
http://bit.ly/2enNVRA
Something sexy for Xmas? Lovehoney’s new Fifty Shades Darker collection – toys and soft bondage developed with the book’s author E L James – to tie in with new movie:
http://bit.ly/2dsh0tq
The Ooga Chakas are back – Guardians of the Galaxy 2 trailer is here:
https://youtu.be/2WhQcK-Zaok
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Thanks to: Peteybabes, RD, TP, The Great White North, AON, DG, NB, DH, S, J, DJ, SG, party_b, ulysses, DG
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Old Jokes Home:
Two wind turbines in a field and one says to the other, “Do you like music?”
He replies, “I’m a big metal fan.”
Still Bored?
Fancy a flutter on Strictly? Before the series started we analysed the stats and said Danny to win followed by Daisy and Ore. A good bet as the final three? Up to 25GBP matched bet here:
http://bit.ly/2emA0zO
