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Euro 2016 – Sign up with Coral. Stick a tenner on someone – get 20GBP in free bets. We’ll even steer clear of making any tips: http://cora1.co.uk/1ZBZqWk
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“Scientific fact-disease is caused by negative energy” – Noel Edmonds
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|_| |_|10.06.16 ISSUE 789
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* Tomfoolery: Hell-man Hollander
* The Tweed guide to journalism
* Charts: Drake is still no 1
>> Nose for a story <<
Fantasy football tales
A couple of months ago, a strange story went round that Cristiano Ronaldo had been making visits to Morocco for “cuddle sessions” with a kickboxer.
Or, as the red-tops reported it: “Cristiano Ronaldo is in a gay relationship with a hunky Moroccan kickboxer…”
Unsurprisingly, someone from Ronaldo’s team was straight on the phone to one of the sport reporters involved. They were absolutely furious and demanded a correction.
The detail that bothered them? The article contained a line about Ronaldo having had a nosejob – a claim they categorically denied, 100%.
Shane Warne seems to have popped up on dating app Happn. He’s “up for fun!!!” (and currently in London) if you’re interested…
>> Parlez-Vous Westwood? <<
Everyone wants an escape goat
It’s been a while since we’ve heard from him, but good old Tim Westwood never disappoints.
One Popbitch reader overheard the Big Dog making a phonecall recently, and it sounds like he’s learned a great new phrase.
“No, babe. You used your sister as an escape goat… I was only interested in Tasha.”
The Kent woman jailed this week for having sex in a Thanet park is called… Maxine Cocks.
>> Big Questions <<
Who’s asking what this week?
The consort of which major fashion celebrity got so drunk in front of her friends that he accidentally puked all over Marc Jacobs?
2,528,924,664,325 uses of music were processed by PRS in 2015 – up from 106,687,215,748 in 2011. That’s 24 times the amount in just four years.
>> Appy Talk <<
New Popbitch Magazine
Issue 25 of our smartphone/tablet spin-off magazine is out today, and it features:
* The Perils Of Celebrity Murder Fiction! Ex-editor of The Face (and ex Popbitcher) Neil Stevenson tells us that fantasising about killing off celebrities isn’t necessarily the best way to write a novel.
* Brexit Music! Which of the acts at BPopLive were in it for the money, and which were in it for the politics?
* The Disrapture! The story of Silicon Valley’s biblical attack on the media.
PLUS: Tales from the BBC, weird stories from our time in the EU, big court cases out in LA, and inexplicably popular celeb sex offenders.
You know that horrible Croydon cat killer story? The RSPCA Inspector in charge is called… Mr Butcher.
>> Brown nosers <<
Baku’s on the beat
The highly paid PR people who were brought in to polish up Azerbaijan’s global image got off to a great start by getting Lady Gaga in to sing Imagine at the opening of the European Olympics in Baku last year.
They’ve since managed to rope in stars like Pharrell and Enrique Iglesias to play the European Grand Prix there later this month too.
But if the purpose of staging all these high-class events is to distract from their shitty human rights record, they probably should have thought twice before calling in the services of the Grand Prix weekend’s proposed opening act: the woman-beating jailbird and all-round arsehole, Chris Brown!
Still, if anyone knows how to kick things off, it’s him.
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>> Mark his words <<
Tweed between the lines
Celebrity widower Jack Tweed gave an interesting insight into the ways that celeb mags and tabloids get their stories.
“The amount of bullshit that me and Jade used to make up when she wanted a new car or whatever. Just make some lie up every1 believes it. 4 stories and 30k later ur laughing.”
We couldn’t get this quote out of our heads when we saw a story in the Sun that ex-TOWIE star Mark Wright is going on a two-week trial with Manchester United. (Jose Mourinho beat off Sunderland’s Sam Allardyce to land him, apparently.)
Mark, you may remember, shot to fame as Jack Tweed’s close friend, and was best man at his wedding to Jade.
Software Sellouts: Lenny Kravitz played TrailheaDX, Salesforce.com developer conference. A big step down; in 2008 he played the much larger Oracle OpenWorld.
>> Little Britain <<
Europe to the rescue
As some polls are now showing an increased lead for Britain to vote Leave in the upcoming EU referendum, we feel we need to raise a point that has been a little overlooked.
Rather than erode our national identity or culture, giving EU citizens the freedom to move between countries has actually helped preserve some of our most cherished British traditions.
We’re thinking in particular of the 2002 panto season when there weren’t enough British dwarves to go around all the productions of Snow White – so extra little people were brought in from Belgium to make up for the shortfall.
Bestiality is still legal in three EU member states – Finland, Hungary and Romania. So Brussels can’t be making ALL of our laws…
>> EURO 2016 Goalscorer <<
Spice up your TV viewing
We really like this bet from Coral for the Euros. Harry Kane… Olivier Giroud… Alvaro Morata…. whoever you think is going to score most goals, bet 20GBP on the Top Goalscorer market with Coral (before tonight’s opener) and get a free 5GBP bet every time they score. (We’re on Harry Kane, if you want someone else just clear the betting slip and choose:
http://cora1.co.uk/1UjaEPi
Just when you think things couldn’t get any bleaker: we’re told there’s a new Jamiroquai album in the works.
>> Tomfoolery <<
Hell-man Hollander
Actors often have a reckless, daredevil streak.
Tom Hollander certainly does. We watched him be one of the last to leave Daphne Guinness’s album launch last week.
And then get on his bike, with neither helmet nor reflective clothing – and wobble off down Piccadilly.
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Media Masters Podcast: Controversial presenter Katie Hopkins in the hot-seat and grilled for a whole hour. Listen: http://ow.ly/bsbu30122MA
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>> Hmmms <<
Chess, penguins, paedos
This week’s Popbitch Quiz at Smiths of Smithfield was a sellout, with 120 people chanting “Vengabus” at the host, Tom Webb. Join us next time, Tues 5th July:
http://bit.ly/1U98Ffo
Brexit or Remain? Maybe this playlist will help you decide:
http://spoti.fi/1PiZLYr
The Greatest… in happier, burger-filled days:
http://bit.ly/1U99GE7
Celebrity sex offenders are still surprisingly popular on Twitter:
http://bit.ly/1PM8p7e
They printing prosthetic feet for penguins now:
http://bit.ly/1UE5zgn
How much does everyone earn on a multi-million dollar blockbuster movie?
http://bit.ly/22W4F5d
Who said print advertising was dead? A new magazine that’s all ads, no content:
https://itran.biz/
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Thanks to: domkaos, PR, kunani, MM, pyewakt, Opus, L&H, E, tinkerbell, MM, mountstnobody
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Old Jokes Home
I thought my wife was joking when she said she wanted to go to a Monkees’ concert in Switzerland.
Then I saw her face… now I’m in Geneva!
Still Bored?
We talked all things Top Gear this week with California’s The Bigger Picture, the radio show that focuses on the absurd side of international events. Listen:
http://apple.co/1Yadbe5
