Wham Fans Know What It Means

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“It’s those double flush ones. So you’ve got a flush for minor business and a flush for major business” – Ed Miliband

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* Geri’s textual complexities

* Paul Dacre pisses his pants

* Charts: Artists For Grenfell are No.1

>> The Sound Of Yentob <<

Like a Bot out of hell

Alan Yentob was spotted at the premiere of the new Meat Loaf musical at the Coliseum on Tuesday night – but it wasn’t much to his tastes. He left at the interval.
Don’t go thinking that he’s sniffy about musicals though. There’s a longstanding rumour at the BBC that Alan was a fan of attending the Prince Charles Cinema’s legendary singalong screenings of The Sound of Music.

Craig David performed at Jack Wilshere’s wedding this week.

>> Gakkers delight <<

The wooden box of wonders

Naturally we were saddened to see that Ant McPartlin has been struggling with drug dependency and we wish him all the best with rehab – but the question remains: what will become of his beautifully engraved drugs box?
The ornately carved box he used to keep his stash in was the envy of all who saw it – and will be a hotly contested item when Ant’s new detox regimen insists that he get rid of it. A number of ITV’s best and brightest will all be eyeing it up.

Vintage rave nutters Scooter are playing a gig in occupied Crimea. Which, sadly, rules them out for Eurovision 2018.

>> Big Questions <<

Who’s asking what this week?

Which A-list actor (famed for playing bad guys, boxers and other hard bastards) got a little deep into his method acting and thumped a runner on set who was tasked with adjusting his mic?

NME cover stars Alt J did a signing for their new album recently. Total queue for their autograph = five.

>> Beloved Cant <<

Remembering Brian

While his co-stars would often be found whooping it up in the studio green room, Brian Cant used to prefer sitting with civilians in the reception area at the BBC when he had a bit of time off to relax.
One day, while he was idling away some time in reception, a woman came in for an interview. She was very nervous, but Brian did his best to calm her down. By running to Studio 5, grabbing Humpty and giving her him to hold for support.

7% of American adults think chocolate milk comes from brown cows.

>> Wham crap <<

Halliwell’s way with words

Geri Halliwell has been a busy bunny this week – appearing on not one, but two big singles. As well as lending her voice to the Cowell-compiled Grenfell Tower fundraiser, she also released her own original tribute to George Michael. And boy did she have some fun writing it.
Explaining the lyrics to Angels In Chains, Geri says, “The song goes: ‘Every young gun has their fun…’ If you’re a Wham fan, you’d know what that means.”
She continues, “The chorus goes: ‘Heal the pain, we’re all angels in chains’. Obviously he has a song called ‘Heal the Pain’. Then it goes: ‘George your faith will never end, father figure, brother, friend’. Obviously ‘Faith’, ‘Father Figure’…”
Luckily, it’s all for charity.

White-nostrilled racehorse Escobar ran in the first race at Ascot on Tuesday. He came 13th out of 20.

>> Water palaver <<

It’s allergy season

When strange requests appear on celebrity riders, it’s usually because the celebrities in question are high-maintenance nightmares. Occasionally it’s the result of an unusual but legitimate necessity. We’ll leave it you to decide which you think this one is.
At a campaign shoot for his latest film, one of Jared Leto’s team told the crew that Jared was ‘allergic to water’, so if they wanted to take pictures of him in a swimming pool they would have to empty it and refill it with Evian.

Cockwatch: Jared has an enormous penis. After Thirty Seconds To Mars gigs fans have been seen queuing 9 or 10 deep in his tour bus just to try it out.

>> Mail disorder <<

A web of deception

Perhaps it’s the recent heatwave that has got the usually placid editor of the Daily Mail, Paul Dacre, all flustered – but his nappy rash is really playing up today.
The whole of the Mail’s full-page editorial is devoted to kicking the Guardian (aka “the fascist left”) and is well worth a read, but one highlight is their extremely disingenuous insistence that the Daily Mail and Mail Online have nothing to do with one another.
If Mr Dacre really believes this, maybe he’d like to try this little experiment. Type mailonline dot com into your browser and see where it automatically redirects you.
Actually, don’t bother. We’ll tell you. dailymail dot co dot uk.

Last week we mentioned Alvin Stardust’s top headmaster son Shaun Fenton. He and brother Adam F (the drum’n’bass DJ) are both members of the “Alvin Stardust… Memories” Facebook group. Which is rather sweet.

>> Indian tonic <<

Kantar’s profits of doom

Sir Martin Sorrell’s advertising group WPP didn’t get to be the biggest in the business without paying close attention to its bottom line. Everyone has to play their part in that – even Sir Martin had to take a pay cut last year, down to only £48m a year. And now it’s the turn of its subsidiary, Kantar Media, to undergo a round of ‘efficiencies’.Kantar Media supplies media monitoring to the big TV channels and City firms, and is currently in the process of getting rid of 100 people at their offices on Broadgate, sending the jobs to India to ensure WPP’s profits stay on the up.
These sackings may actually be a blessing in disguise though – especially when you see what’s posted on Glassdoor, the website where employees can anonymously rate employers. The reviews suggest an office with plunging morale, where windows can’t be opened, ventilation is poor and the day’s highlight is seeing the occasional rat running around…

An old school friend of Neil Kinnock’s claims that Neil’s nickname used to be ‘Nobby’.

>> Island Life <<

He Harley got started

Ah, the sweet naivety of youth! Harley off of Love Island has been heard bragging that he won’t be returning to his labouring job or sticking round his sleepy Norfolk hometown, Attleborough, for much longer, because now he’s been on TV he’s “set up for life”.
He might want to keep his lip buttoned while he gets the lay of the land. In particular, he may wish to stop blabbing about the very expensive watch he was given by a company following his departure. Accepting gifts can be a breach of reality TV show contracts, and we’re sure he wouldn’t want to do anything to void his Love Island earnings.

Details of the ‘Fat Leonard’ naval scandal are emerging. One of the bribes the US naval officer is alleged to have taken was four suckling pigs and tickets to a Julio Iglesias gig. In 2013.

>> Image fights <<

On a winger and a prayer

Cristiano Ronaldo’s tax affairs are in the news this week, but it’s his agent Jorge Mendes that Spanish authorities really have in their sights. As well as CR7, Mendes’ clients Jose Mourinho, Angel Di Maria, Fabio Coentrao, Radamel Falcao and Ricardo Carvalho are also facing (or have received) massive fines or suspended prison sentences.
The Mendes system they’re investigating involves players’ image rights being funnelled a long way from Spain – ending up in British Virgin Islands shell companies where they are taxed at 0%.
Authorities are currently looking at Ronaldo for an alleged 14m euros of missing tax from 2011-14, but that might not be the end of it. The recent Football Leaks revelations suggest that his 2014 deal to sell his future image rights from 2015-2020 saved 35m euros in potential Spanish tax. The next fight is likely to be about whether this is legal.
Full story:

http://espresso.repubblica.it/

This week’s Media Masters podcast is a wide-ranging talk with Poorna Bell of HuffPost, about lifestyle journalism, the future of print and her husband’s tragic suicide: [Listen/download at Media Focus]

>> Hmmms <<

May, Pay, Holiday

Apologies. Last week we gave you a link to Lady Chatterley’s Lover, not Lady Chatterley’s Lover II – which is the one Adam West is in:
[Watch on YouTube]Help Theresa May run through fields of wheat in Come Wheat May:
https://comewheatmay.com/ 
Is Wonder Woman really getting paid that much less than Superman?

[Read on Vanity Fair]
Sice from the Boo Radleys is a psychologist now:

[See his profile page]
Can you guess the highest grossing films of the year from 1980 onwards? Surprisingly hard:

[Play on ShortList]
Dan ‘Wooton’ Wootton is making his own desk write puff pieces on him now…

[Read on The Sun]
Tricks to getting a cheap flight for your summer holiday:

[Read on Thrifty Nomads]
Burnt underwear accident in Walgreens:

[Read on Modbee]

Thanks to: yama, fayekorgazm, J, deep_stoat, RM, JOR, SA, AC, KJ, SG, N, shagpile_perm

Old Jokes Home:
A man walks into a bakery. All the cakes in the shop are a pound except for one, which costs two pounds. So he asks the baker “Why is it two pounds?”.
“That one?” the baker replies. “That’s madeira cake.”
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