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“I had a dream a cat came onto me and I had a sexual relationship with a cat. That was a weird one. Not that I’m into fiddling with animals or anything” – Lee Ryan
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|_| |_|05.02.15 ISSUE 724
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Email stories hello@popbitch.com
* Jeremy Clarkson’s selfie-denial
* Queue-cutting with George
* Ellie Goulding is new No 1
>> Shappi talk <<
Woman behaving badly
Earlier this week Prince played a well-publicised fundraising gig at Koko in Camden in aid of the charity Autism Rocks.
Before he took to the stage, the charity’s founder gave a short and heartfelt speech to the crowd about his son and his reasons for founding the charity. Everyone in the VIP enclosure listened attentively.
Everyone except for Shappi Khorsandi that is, who talked all the way through – earning herself the new nickname… “Yappi Khorsandi”.
Roman Abramovich’s wife is best friends with the daughter of Richard Scarry.
>> Big Questions <<
Who’s asking what this week?
Which castmember of Into The Woods was crowned Most Hated by crew on the movie set? (If they can’t manage to charm an American production crew, it doesn’t bode well for the next step in their career.)
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Ever wondered what was in the Qu’ran? Come to an evening with Mona Siddiqui and she will guide you through the key points and clear up some misconceptions. 25 March, Soho, London, 630-8pm 20% off tickets (now 35GBP) with code POPBITCH:
http://bit.ly/16tdED5
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>> Yew again? <<
Look who’s back…
Sharon Evans is a member of the controversial Independent Panel Inquiry into Child Sexual Abuse.
When journalists tried to get in contact with her recently over a story, they were a little perturbed to find out that her press representative is a man by the name of…
James Saville.
Andrew Neil has sold his swanky Knightsbridge pad for more than 10 million pounds.
>> Tea for vendetta <<
Queue-cutting with George
George Osborne is making some big enemies in Whitehall, and it’s all because of his lack of lunchtime etiquette.
Not only does George routinely ignore the canteen’s queuing system completely, he also has a bad habit of swanning in and stealing up the last plate of any one option – meaning those waiting in the queue miss out.
George has done this to one particular individual so often that they’re finding it hard to believe that this isn’t some sort of personal vendetta.
According to one of his protection officers, David Cameron is “rude and sweary”.
>> Doctor Who? <<
When Alex met Christopher
Oh, Alex Jones. So sweet, so smiley… so gormless? Prior to going live on an episode of The One Show last week, both she and co-host Matt Baker were being prepped for their interview with Christopher Eccleston – who was on to plug his new series.
Chris and his representative told both hosts “No questions about Doctor Who AT ALL. Chris will NOT comment.”
To which Alex responded, “Oooh, were you in it then?”
FYI: Eccleston was the ninth incarnation of Dr Who in 2005.
Perhaps he’s not all bad – Jeremy Clarkson spotted at Selfridges, refusing to pose for selfies.
>> Razzall, dazzled <<
Not quite prince charming
Most people have a story about seeing a celeb on the street, mistaking them for someone they know in real life and trying to engage them in a conversation. Few are like Katie Razzall’s.
The Newsnight correspondent once saw someone she thought she knew in a bar. Shouting “Hey, hey, hey!” she ran up to them, only to find herself being tackled, having her arms twisted behind her back and then given a good frisking.
The person she thought she recognised? Prince William.
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Hate winter? Love the warped world of showbiz? Read DEATH ON DAYTIME, and see what TV insiders are
raving about. It’s Bridget Jones meets Nancy Drew…meets murder!
http://tinyurl.com/qyxc825
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>> Vow then, vow then <<
A marriage of convenience
In her column in Times 2 last week, Carol Midgley was making jokes about Australian PM Tony Abbott’s decision to knight Prince Phillip – noting that Phil’s business card must be groaning under the weight of all those honorary titles.
Guess who was cracking very similar gags about the self same thing in his column in Saturday’s Daily Mirror? Why, it was Carol’s husband Brian Reade – clearly making the most of the vow they made to share all that they have.
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Still need Valentine’s plans? Popbitch subscribers get 20% off Museum of London’s alternative Valentine’s event Late London: Bohemian City, 13 Feb, with absinthe tasting, Trans-Siberian Marching Band, life drawing and more. Book online – code POPBTCH.
http://bit.ly/latelondon
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>> Muesli barred <<
Freedom Foods captured
Australia’s Stop The Boats campaign forces wannabe migrants down under to a detention camp, north of Papua New Guinea. It’s run by a private company which doesn’t take too kindly to NGOs or media who are wanting to find out about what goes on there.
Their paranoia does seem rather extreme though. One recent shipment of muesli bars sent for the inmates was banned. Because they were made by a company called Freedom Foods.
Lancashire Council had a £52m windfall from market investments. Their deputy leader/council cabinet member for finance? Mr Borrow.
>> We *chart* pop <<
In by the skin of their teeth
Ever wonder who the luckiest pop stars at the top of the charts are? We had legendary chart-watcher James Masterson look at 2014’s numbers for us.
* Lowest-selling number one: Ed Sheeran, Thinking Out Loud
(58,503 copies)
* Lowest-selling number two: Union J, You Got It All
(46,000 copies)
* The lowest-selling number ten record of the year sold just 18,000 copies.
James’s full report, about how many copies you need (or don’t need) to sell in order to get to number one is here:
http://bit.ly/1LPv6lY
FYI: For more articles like this and much, much more, try Popbitch Magazine for phones – subscription is just £1.99 a month:
http://bit.ly/160IiDh
Selling well on eBay at the moment: old shoes as worn by airline cabin crew. A big favourite with foot fetishists…
>> CD thoughts <<
NME’s hot new trend
Kim Sears’ Parental Advisory sweatshirt got a lot of coverage this week. One of the people that BBC News asked about it was the news editor of NME, who said: “It’s become a real badge of honour to have that sticker on your CD now.”
Perhaps the fact that they haven’t spotted that people these days often download songs rather than buy CDs helps to explain why the NMEs sales dropped under 15k last year.
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Enjoy the world without leaving London. A literary travel evening. Six writers, six places, six wonderful stories. 17th March, London W11. 20% off, tickets only 20GBP with code POPBITCH
http://bit.ly/1zjbuRR
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>> Hmmms <<
Zoos, chips, graves
Banned for doing a stand-up set on, er, free speech:
http://bit.ly/1DBxpD0
We told you to buy Outlines by Mike Mago and Dragonette back in October. And now you can, ‘cos it’s out and in the top five! Listen:
http://bit.ly/1F9dpci
Remember the coughing major on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? A new theory says he was innocent:
http://bit.ly/1vuenj8
We’re doing a quiz for National Chip Week on 19 Feb. Don’t be a spud, enter a team here:
http://bit.ly/1DIvE7z
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Thanks: RM, monstris, RC, PC, mountstnobody, CD, PD, zeds, fayekorgasm, monkeyha
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Old Jokes Home:
Dyslexia cost me my job in IT.
Turns out my boss wanted me to unzip his ‘files’.
Still Bored?
Join us for a SPECIAL POPBITCH NIGHT on Wednesday 11th Feb for Kim Noble’s show at the Soho Theatre, You Are Not Alone.
* Low-price tickets (12.50)!
* Exclusive goodies!
* One lucky winner might even get a free dead squirrel…
