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|_| |_|30.04.15 ISSUE 736
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* Tenderising Taliban beef
* Remembering Keith Harris
* Charts: Wiz K still no 1
>> One night Stan <<
Collymore’s knicker oil
TV football pundits are incredibly competitive with each other – all jostling to be seen as the most popular, the most important. But at last summer’s World Cup in Brazil, there was only one winner. The one who managed to hang out with the most beautiful Brazilian girls: Stan Collymore.
He would just need to say a few words in Portuguese and that would be it. The magic phrase? “Come here and sit with me, I’m famous.”
The single that sold the highest number of physical copies last week? The UK Eurovision horror – Still In Love With You.
>> Gove machine <<
Ready to lose your lunch?
Michael Gove has been playing a quiet and rather subdued role in the recent election campaign. But from what we hear, that’s a little out of character.
Someone who had the pleasure of knowing him before he met his wife says that Gove was very vocal in bed. He didn’t like a single one of his sexual policies to go unexplained – narrating and describing everything that he was doing, and everything that he planned to do…
Britney is releasing a cover of Tom’s Diner, with Giorgio Moroder. (It’s not as good as it sounds.)
>> Big Questions <<
Who’s asking what this week?
Some of the people who work with which globally famous sports star really shouldn’t be talking so loudly about putting bets on when he’s coming out, should they?
Is there any celebrity more vacuous than Khloe Kardashian? Her tweets this week – “Pray for Baltimore” and “Sweat is fat crying!!”
Microsoft has updated Office 2013’s dictionary. It now recognises Game of Thrones words like Daenerys and Tyrion. But not Dothraki.
>> Number of the beasts <<
The future of media pt 352
After countless front pages, column inches, TV and global online publicity – Ed Miliband’s interview on Russell Brand’s YouTube channel has had about 550,000 views.
Every weeknight the BBC’s flagship political show, Newsnight, slated for its falling ratings and niche audience, has about… 550,000 viewers.
Incredible fact from Diane Sawyer’s interview – Californian transgender celeb Bruce Jenner outed himself… as a conservative Republican.
>> Taxing matters <<
One rule for the Rich…
Nile Rogers’ We Are Family Foundation gala took place in New York this week. The well-meaning non-profit is staffed and run mainly by volunteers, so it must have been a little galling for them to see who Nile chose to be photographed with on the red carpet – Denise Rich.
Rich (who wrote Frankie for Sister Sledge but is probably better known for getting Bill Clinton to pardon her tax- evading fugitive ex-husband, Marc Rich) chose to give up her US citizenship in 2013, becoming an Austrian citizen instead.
Not only did she save millions in tax by renouncing her US citizenship, but Austria also gives tax breaks to those who spend half their year abroad. Talk about win-win!
Poor Gary Barlow. The grand total of Tony nominations for his new musical Finding Neverland? None.
>> The Moo-jahideen <<
Tenderising Taliban beef
What do you do when your supply of young, wannabe suicide bombers starts to dry up? Well, the favoured tactic in rural Afghanistan is for Taliban commanders to pick out a suitable candidate and then gang-rape them. One man arrested for trying to blow up a police station told his captors that he had been raped repeatedly by local Taliban officials and was instructed to carry out the attack “to wash off his sins”.
As recruitment tactics go it’s pretty grim, but what we really can’t figure out is what their colleagues in the far north-east province of Afghanistan might have been trying to achieve. An intelligence service report described a gang-rape in that region. Of cows.