“Have You Slimed Yet, Terry?”

At the last New York Fashion Week, in September, Tom Ford grabbed headlines by having Kendall Jenner walk for him. This time around though, she didn’t get the call.

Privately, Ford is said to have been unimpressed by Kendall and her look.

Slightly less privately, he keeps referring to her as “The Donut”.

All sorts of theories have been flying around as to what could have caused Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux’s split. Was Jen hoarding notes from Brad Pitt? Did Justin have his head turned by Emma Stone? Or was it Justin’s inability to clean up after himself, post-grooming?

Crew who worked on The Leftovers series in Melbourne a few years back saw Justin’s sloppy habits first-hand. One poor dogsbody was tasked with cleaning the basin and toilet of Justin’s pubic hair cuttings – which he attended to with nail scissors in his winnebago on a bi-weekly basis.

BRITs organisers handed out white rose badges last night to support #MeToo – but did the music exec who is well-known in the industry for shagging one of his junior members of staff (then having her quietly resign after the two of them got caught in the toilets at a company party) take one?

Robbie Williams played a big outdoor gig at a winery in the Yarra Valley today, telling the audience “I fucking love you, Australia”. And here’s the story he used to illustrate why.

Williams told the crowd that on a previous tour he met a girl in a club and took her home. They got down to business and about 10 minutes in she turned round to him and said “Have you slimed yet, Terry?”

He said that his name wasn’t Terry, it was Robbie.

Her response? “Whatever.”

The BBC’s sitcom about the BBC, W1A, has always liked to prod fun at the ridiculous bureaucracy of the Beeb – but the show is now having a very peculiar effect on the day-to-day workings of the corporation.

By the lifts on the second floor of New Broadcasting House there’s a big map of the building’s layout. Except it doesn’t actually show the layout of the building at all. It’s a fake map, depicting the fictional layout of the building as imagined in W1A, which was left over from filming.

This fake map is so confusing that real-life BBC employees have had to adorn the floor’s corridors with temporary blu-tacked signs so that people trying to navigate the actual, real-world building know where the hell they’re supposed to be going.

We were rather hoping that motherhood would give us a year or two off from the interminable circus of Cheryl Cole’s love life, but no. Here we are again, treated to another week of speculative and contradictory horseshit from the usual suspects.

We’ve long since given up on treating Cheryl stories as if they’re in any way true – so how should we interpret this sort of story these days?

As far as we can see, there’s three ways to do it, but it all depends whether you consider yourself to be a Cynic, a Cole-Brand Conspirator or a Chim Shipper.

Which are you?

[Read The Cole Hard Truth on Popbitch]

One of the best things about working in PR is that you get invited to all the best events.

Staff at Outside Organisation were recently treated to a very special screening, arranged by boss Alan Edwards, to watch an episode of BBC4’s Hits Hype and Hustle – a series on the music business.

The episode he chose to screen was presented by… Alan Edwards. And largely appeared to be about, er… Alan Edwards. Wandering around in a band T-shirt and suit jacket, carrying his BlackBerry.

Something they get to see him do pretty much all day, every day.

February 8th – Coral announce that they’ve signed Love Island couple Chris Hughes and Olivia Attwood to act as their official ambassadors. The “reality show power couple set to bring their romance to the races this year” and attend the major race meetings (a deal that’s rumoured to have cost Coral £100K+)

February 16th – “The truth about my split with Chris Hughes” Olivia Attwood on Loose Women

What with the horse racing and the big stakes gambling, Michael Owen’s lifestyle can’t be a doddle to finance, even on a BT Sport contract.

Owen’s stable, Manor Park, hasn’t exactly been hitting the heights lately, and we’ve heard recently that a VIP bookmaker has withdrawn their credit line to him as he’s racked up a fair few losses.

Perhaps this explains why he’s taken such low-grade brand ambassador work. If you’ve heard TalkSport you can’t have missed his ambulance-chasing ads for a Manchester law firm (“Hi, my name’s Michael Owen and I know what it’s like to be injured. If you’ve been injured…” etc)

But even those ads aren’t a patch on this excruciating Dubai promo…

[Watch on YouTube]

L writes:
“Your Bobby Gillespie story reminded me of the time when I saw him in a secondhand furniture shop on Upper Street a few years ago. He was walking around wheeling a pushchair which he kept trying to push through a gap clearly too narrow for the buggy.

“I saw him wheeling it back, ramming it forward and bumping into the furniture as he failed to negotiate the gap. So he tried again. Same result. So he tried again. Same result.

“He only stopped this when I moved some of the items which then enabled him to pass by. I didn’t even get an acknowledgment or any thanks.”

Local news of the week
[Read on Bournemouth Echo]

How Hollywood salaries work
[Read on Vanity Fair]

Boney M’s Rasputin played on a 81 key Marenghi Organ built in 1905
[Listen on YouTube]

Buck Off – the world’s first trans sex toy?
[Read on Dezeen]

Chinese gambling on American soil
[Read on Bloomberg]

An otter shower curtain
[Order on Society6]

Still Bored?
Take On Me – as you’ve never seen it before
[Watch on YouTube]