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Remember when everyone in politics was going on about Nudge? Co-author Richard Thayler has a new book out this summer and you can see him talk you through Misbehaving – The Making of Behavioural Economics, 11th June, at lunchtime, 12.45-13.45, Curzon Mayfair: 10% off all tickets with code POPBITCH:
http://bit.ly/1OcUOkx
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“The election is not a bacon sandwich-eating contest” – Ed Miliband
POPBITCH _ _ _ _
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|_| |_|10.04.15 ISSUE 733
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* The Grand National winner?
* Craig David’s special delivery
* Charts: Voice bloke for no 1
>> Cam on my face <<
Near-sex on the beach
Our inbox was filled with a lot of speculation this week as to which political couple you thought had been involved in a penis-biting sex scuffle.
One couple you could probably rule out is the Camerons. There’s nothing wrong with their relations.
On one of his many prime ministerial holidays to Cornwall, Dave whisked Sam away to a quiet, secluded beach for some ‘alone time’. The beach wasn’t quite as secluded as they thought though, as a few passing swimmers got quite an eyeful.
“Not full sex,” they tell us, “but near as.”
Jimmy Bullard, pissed up in the Star and Garter, Soho this week, trying to play keepy-uppy with his phone. Was “like an unfunny Gazza”.
>> Big Questions <<
Who’s asking what this week?
Which famous British actor likes to follow ladies into the toilets of upmarket restaurants and ask them if they’d mind weeing into his hands?
Childish Giggle Of The Week: The law department at King’s College London is officially called the Dickson Poon School of Law.
******** GRAND NATIONAL ***********
>> Horse play <<
Saturday 415pm, C4
The Grand National – 40 horses racing over 30 fences. If you fancy a small flutter, and don’t have an account with Coral, we think this is as good an offer as we’ve seen – treble odds on every horse; you can bet up to 5GBP. And, you’ll read below, statistics point to a 33-1 win!
33 x 3 x 5 = 495 Pounds… Could it be? Offer ends END OF TODAY:
http://bit.ly/1JvbUY8
Jockey AP McCoy said if he wins his second Grand National this weekend he’s going to retire right away.
>> Winning Strategy <<
Going Nate Silver on it
We’ve looked at the last 20 years and come up with 8 predictors to look for:
1. A brown horse
2. Aged 9-11
3. Carrying under 11st 7lb
4. Run at least 10 races
5. Won a decent race + 3m
6. Good on left-handed course
7. Top five in its last race
8. Hurdles race this season.
The last three winners fitted at least 7 out of these 8.
These are the three horses who best fit this (8/8).
* Night In Milan – 25-1
* Al Co 25-1
* Royale Night 33-1
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TREBLE ODDS on every horse today only on Coral! Sign up, bet £5 and it’s three times as good!
http://bit.ly/1JvbUY8
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>> Ten Commandments <<
The next best horse list
There are 10 other horses which almost fit the profile (7/8), inc: Rocky Creek, 5th last year (2nd favourite at 8-1); Balthazar King, 2nd last year (10-1) and Soll, trained by previous winner, David Pipe, at 20-1. See full details here:
And short priced Tony McCoy favourite Shutthefrontdoor? Ruled out on age and because he likes right-handed tracks… are you brave enough to go against the stats?
FYI: BET TODAY for bookies’ special offers. They end before race day. See all Coral odds here:
http://bit.ly/1IQ3Tfw
****** End of Grand National ******
An anagram of Kanye West is… Sweaty Ken.
>> Tesco selecta <<
Craig’s special delivery
What’s Craig David famous for? Meeting girls, taking them for a drink, and then humping them for the best part of a week – correct? Well, someone at Tesco clearly didn’t understand that Craig David wasn’t joking when he wrote Seven Days.
Before he moved to Miami and started eating clean/training dirty, Craig would regularly place orders with the Tesco home shopping service. His orders always got marked out as ‘suspicious’ because they rarely consisted of anything more than booze and johnnies.
Martin Amis has a Dobbies Garden Centre loyalty card.
>> Punkin Donuts <<
A pair of helmets
Daft Punk are really committed to those robot costumes of theirs. Not only would they not take their helmets off to drink Champagne at Jay Z’s ridiculous Tidal launch conference in LA, but it seems they (or whoever was inside them) didn’t take them off the next day either.
The boys were spotted posing in Brooklyn the following afternoon where they stopped in at the distinctly less glamorous branch of Dunkin’ Donuts in a gas station under the Brooklyn Queens Expressway.
Mr Mungo Jerry (Ray Dorset) and wife spotted at the tills in Boots. He asked her if she had a Boots’ card. (He drove off in a Bentley.)
>> Mind Your Language <<
Making friends in Afghanistan
OurmaninKabul writes:
“Things I learned this week – there are Hungarian words which sound very similar to words in Dari, one of the two main languages here. Only, they have very different meanings.
If you say ‘Thank You’ in Hungarian – it sounds like ‘Wet Pussy’ in Dari.
And, ‘You’re Welcome’, sounds like ‘My Penis’.”
Noel Edmonds says his health regime includes water restructured back to its natural source state. (Er, isn’t that hydrogen and oxygen?)
>> Meet and bleat <<
Shatner’s superfans
It’s not always easy for stars to deal with their superfans, as William Shatner found during a meet and greet.
A fan presented him with a very rare gift – three Playbills from Broadway shows in which Shatner had appeared in the 50s and 60s.
Shatner told the woman he couldn’t accept. She insisted, but he explained: “You don’t understand. I already
have these, and I’m sure they cost you a great deal of money. I’m rich, so I’d feel awful taking something as expensive as this from you.”
This brought the woman to the verge of tears so Shatner relented and accepted them with thanks. Then, as she was out of earshot, he turned to one of the event’s ushers and said “Here, kid. You can have these.”
(Shatner’s PA promptly stole them back.)
Spotted in Shaka Zulu. TOWIE’s Lydia snogging the face off a man who wasn’t James Argent. Her sister wasn’t happy with anyone who stared.
>> One in the eye <<
When PR goes wrong
Celebrity PR firm Public Eye is getting a bad rep among showbiz hacks. At the Game of Thrones red carpet recently, Sophie Turner was hoiked away so she couldn’t talk to reporters. We’re not talking tabloid or internet muckrakers either, but some respectable mainstream magazines.
Perhaps Public Eye has a long game in mind, but managing to get the friendlier members of the press pack to hate your not-exactly-household-name clients? Pretty impressive.
Worst celebrity baby name yet? Liv Tyler and Dave Gardner’s boy is called… Sailor.
>> A law unto herself <<
Amal’s attractive quality
Amal Clooney has carved out a nice little niche for herself in the legal world, as she is fast becoming the go-to lawyer for defendants who also need a bit of positive publicity.
Such is Ms Clooney’s appeal, that anyone who feels their case would benefit from some international attention (as well as a world-class legal counsel) kills two birds with one stone by hiring her.
Her latest case? Representing the currently imprisoned elected president of the Maldives, Mohamed Nasheed.
Uptown Funk is now joint second longest US chart number one ever, (14 wks). Mariah Carey/Boyz II Men, One Sweet Day, is longest (16 wks).
>> Hmms <<
Music, Greens, Russia
Can you watch the Green Party’s boyband election video with a straight face?
http://bit.ly/1Gwmsbc
Eurovision’s looking a bit dull this year so be thankful for Moldova’s attempt at resurrecting New Jack Swing. Extraordinary:
http://bit.ly/1aQbaRW
Interesting piece on Russia’s information-psychological war:
http://bit.ly/1cgU6F2
John Wick is absolute nonsense, but our reviewer tells you exactly why you need to go and see it.
http://bit.ly/1NDxtpW
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Thanks: thatevilwoman, monkeyhat, JC, B, DF, Kerching, MS, AM, tiglet, LMES, deepstoat,
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Old Jokes Home:
I’ve got an inferiority complex.
But frankly, it’s not a very good one.
Still Bored?
Had enough of the election? Try something long to read instead on chemsex chatroom crime:
http://bit.ly/1CxHK0Q
