Persona Nonce Grata

Gripping though the Kendrick/Drake rap beef has been, it seems there’s been a little collateral damage done to an unsuspecting artist. Poor old Camila Cabello looks to have been caught up in the skirmish.

Word is that Camila’s team spent an eye-watering sum on getting Drake to feature on her upcoming album and they had been planning on using it as part of the roll-out to make sure her announcement landed with a splash.

Unfortunately, as Drake unexpectedly became persona nonce grata in the rap game over the weekend, that’s since been shunted to the back burner. Instead, she’s brought forward a track with Lil Nas X (“He Knows”) to take Drake’s place.

It’s such a last minute switch that the photo artwork for He Knows was only taken on Monday – just ahead of the Met Gala.

The fall-out from TalkTV’s fated farewell party continues. Word appears to have got back to Jeremy Kyle that jokes had been told at his expense at the “fuckable funeral” event and he hit the roof.

Kyle was storming about the building one lunchtime, searching for the junior member of staff he’d heard was cracking wise about him. When Kyle was unable to find that particular individual, he vented his frustrations at a third party instead – issuing the pitiful threat:

“I will have him. I’m going right to the top to Rebekah Brooks and I’ll have him and everyone who laughed. I know everyone who was there.”

Which embattled media pundit – already tussling with some grim #MeToo allegations (including a charge that he slipped a hand down the pants of an accuser while watching ABBA Voyage) – now has a newspaper investigation underway against him, with six separate accusers giving testimony?

Former NBC and CNN boss Jeff Zucker’s bid for the Telegraph was withdrawn last week, leaving him free to pick up a different media concern, should he be so inclined. It certainly sounds like he is. New York media gossip suggests one of the outfits he’s been sniffing around is Goalhanger: Gary Lineker’s podcast production company.

It would be a pretty peculiar acquisition for Zucker, but it’s worth keeping a serious eye on. Not least because Zucker’s most notable contribution to the 21st century so far is rehabilitating Donald Trump’s reputation from bankrupt Jersey casino owner to big-shot telly billionaire – by hiring him to front NBC’s The Apprentice.

So if he does end up picking up Goalhanger, we can probably expect to see Lineker in No.10 by 2030.

Unsurprisingly, there’s big problems behind the scenes at tonight’s Eurovision semi-final – the one that Israel is slated to perform in. A massive protest has been blocking the famous bridge from Copenhagen (where loads of ticket-holders are staying) to Malmö (where the contest actually is).

As a result, those on the ground at last night’s dress rehearsal (an event which usually sells out) say that the arena was very empty for most of the start of the show. Protests are expected to ramp up tonight for the broadcast version too, which only stands to make the problem worse.

There had been whispers that producers were experimenting with piping in a bit of canned applause for Israel’s performance to help paper over whatever response it might get in the hall. From the sounds of it, it might end up coming in handy for the whole show…

For all the coverage U2’s residency at the Las Vegas Sphere attracted, it all ended with a bit of a whimper. Even reviews from the band’s most devoted fans were a little underwhelming, with mutterings that the show – and the band – weren’t up to their usual slick standard.

LA music industry types have an inkling as to why. Right from the off, Bono was determined to spend the absolute bare minimum of time in Vegas. He’d jet in for appearances and sound checks, etc, then always head straight back off.

The reason? The desert air was apparently “bad for [his] throat”. So while he maybe managed to save his voice, it seems he did so at the expense of the rest of the show.

We don’t know who does Gary Barlow’s security, but he might want to consider a change. News this week that his house was raided during a recording of Saturday Night Takeaway rang a distant bell with us – as this isn’t the first time Barlow’s security systems have been subpar.

Back when Gary was “between jobs”, he filled his copious free time by playing a lot of badminton at Frodsham High School (where his mum Marj worked as a lab technician). When his fortunes turned back around and he started earning again, Gary decided to repay the school for all the free court hire by donating his old home CCTV system to them when he upgraded his.

A lovely gesture. Or at least it was for a while, until the school ended up being closed down – due to low attendance, budget concerns and… security issues.

Production exec Jo Juson is currently taking the bulk of the flak for her part in creating the controversial 2004 reality series There’s Something About Miriam, but she’s acting as something of a blastwall for the show’s main producers.

One of them, Remy Blumenfeld, cannily refused to appear in Channel 4’s documentary, but he’s had his fingers burned by becoming the story before.

Blumenfeld was caught out by an early Wagatha Christie-style sting by Earl Spencer back in the mid-90s. Like Coleen Rooney, Spencer had deliberately seeded a series of false stories about his wife Victoria in order to discover who in his circle was selling them on to the News of the World.

Remy took the bait and handed over a fake story he’d been told about her moving abroad with her kids. Piers Morgan, who was editor at the time, duly splashed it across NOTW’s front page. And lo, Spencer had his snake.

On the topic of Wagatha-style stings: as we suspected, the “casting director” who was telling all and sundry last week that Sydney Sweeney had signed up to star in a legal thriller based around a 2006 iron-ore mining scandal in Guinea appears to have been sold a pup.

Sweeney’s agent says it isn’t a project their client is attached to – and there doesn’t appear to be a project of that nature currently being cast anywhere.

It brings us no pleasure to rain on that parade, not least because one of the journalists who helped break the original story of the real-life Simandou scandal got in touch minutes after last week’s issue went out, asking if we knew anything more about it.

Apparently his wife was very much looking forward to seeing him being portrayed on-screen by Sydney Sweeney – so we’re sorry to disappoint.

Nick Cave spotting has been a popular pursuit for Popbitch readers for many, many years now. One reader who met the man himself this week used the chance to ask Nick if our story about him once competing in a Fathers’ Race at his kids’ school sports day was true.

For those who don’t know it: Unlike all the other dads, who were kitted out in proper lycra and running spikes, Nick walked up to the starting line in a black suit and suede Gucci loafers, with a ciggie in his mouth. On the starter’s pistol, all the other dads charged off at full pelt, while Nick enjoyed a final drag, dropped the butt on the track, then crushed it slowly underfoot before taking a leisurely stroll to the finish.

Nick’s verdict?

“That sounds like me… I lost you know.”

Japanese mirrorball production
[Watch on YouTube]

More detail than you could possibly want to know on alpaca sex
[Read on Gizmodo]

Carter-Ruck have mucked up a defence deadline for Kevin Spacey
[Read on Law Gazette]

Red panda cams
[Buttonwood Park]

Weed strain generator
[Find yours here]

Prince Charles is due to renew Royal Warrants soon – what does that mean for booze?
[Read on Vinepair]

ALSO: Thanks to Mr Smart, whose inclusion of Popbitch stories in his A-Level politics class has apparently served his students well. They’re on course for good grades and are all very thankful for everything you’ve done for them. So fingers crossed that Michael Gove’s urinal habits come up in their final exams.

Still Bored?
A wild investigation into the spread of AI content and non-existent journalists
[Read on Futurism]