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The best way to celebrate Pride, catch the most jaw-dropping and original cabaret show in London, the CHRISTEENE MACHINE. At Soho Theatre until Sat 5 July. Code “Fuggin” gets you fiver off ticket price:
http://bit.ly/UbH9Uz
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“I’ve always been a glass half-full type of guy, even when I didn’t have a glass” – Alan Davies
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|_| |_| 27.06.14 ISSUE 696
Subscribe/unsubscribe go to https://www.popbitch.com
To send stories email: hello@popbitch.com
* Selfies with Hucknall
* Lose like Jagger
* Charts: Oliver Heldens is no 1
>> Fair dealings <<
Labour party donation
Ed Miliband has kindly donated some goodies for the sealed bids auction at his kids’ school summer fair. There’s a signed Rubik’s cube, and a bottle of House of Commons whisky. Roll up, roll up!
You could have bought Jimmy Savile’s glass-eye necklace for 75 quid at the charity auction of his possessions. (We missed out and had to settle for his cigar boxes).
>> Big Questions <<
Who is asking what this week
Which hard-hitting political hack was forced to out himself as a Simply Red fan when the chance to take a selfie with Mick Hucknall came up? (Mick gamely agreed to it, but ordered the first attempt to be deleted and retaken because he didn’t like how it looked.)
The recent Big Question we posed about the pop singer who had inspired rumours of a secret, decade-long lesbian relationshipwas old news to some of you – but what we want to know is, if so many of you are using the cute couple pet name, why hasn’t “Chim” gone mainstream yet?
An Adroit Digital survey said 56% people skipped all online video ads.
>> Kimnapped <<
They got Mail
Once a much-loved footballer-and-popstar power couple, Jamie and Louise Redknapp are now both best known for making Tim Lovejoy look slightly less shit at presenting.
So it must have been especially galling for a well-known London advertising agency to be snubbed by them at Cannes Lions week.
The agency had invited them to speak at their event, but the Redknapps instead went and whooped it up at the mailonline’s boat party with Kim Kardashian.
What on earth would cause the couple to come running at the beck and call of a tabloid…?
Mailonline now has a blanket ban on any negative Kardashian stories after Kim deigned to rub shoulders with people at their party. Their hacks are devastated.
>> Lose like Jagger <<
Curse of the Rolling Stone
There is a saying in Brazilian football: “You are Mick Jagger” – which basically means that you are a curse, and you bring bad luck to the matches you go to. But does it have any grounding?
During the 2010 World Cup in South Africa, Brazilian fans came to the conclusion their team lost in the quarterfinal to the Netherlands because Jagger wore a Brazil jersey to the game. He reportedly also joined Bill Clinton to cheer on the United States, but Team USA lost to Ghana in the second round.
Jagger was also blamed for England’s loss against Germany that year. Andhe predicted good things for Italy and Portugal this year. Oops.
Hamid Karzai gets the Afghan Embassy in London to send out packs of Famous Grouse.
>> World Cup Update <<
Football shorts this week
1. David Beckham and Tom Cruise watched the Brazil game together in the pub in Notting Hill. Regulars were laughing at them.”They chose the really shit table – we always call it the losers table – the one between the waitress station and bogs.”
3. The mystery of Suarez and the phantom headbutt:
http://es.pn/1yTQwI1
4. Join the campaign to stop Sepp Blatter’s re-election. Read, donate a pound, re-tweet and say #SodOffSepp
http://igg.me/at/sodoffsepp/
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Tap to flap, with added bounce! Celebrate the World Cup with free app Flappy Ball – Mazy Dribbler:
iPhone: http://bit.ly/ToBzwA
Android: http://bit.ly/ToBB7P
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>> Brand Developments <<
Russell is bad for your healtb
Last week’s news that Johann Hariis connected with a Russell Brand documentary came as no surprise to those in the filmmaking profession. Apparently Brand films crop up all the time, only to collapse just as quickly because the great political philosopher finds it hard to submit to any kind of diarising.
Michael Winterbottom ought to be careful. It seems as though the last director who had to wrestle with Brand’s celebrity schedule ended up having a heart attack.
FYI: When living in LA Brand liked to stock three types of coconut water in his fridge.
Solihull probably had enough of problems trying to clear snow during particularly heavy winters so it’s no wonder they’ve plumped for… Councillor Bob Sleigh.
>> Saying thanks <<
You auto-complete me
It must be tough, as a successful showbiz mogul, to respond to all of your correspondence. Manager to the stars Professor ‘Jonathan’ Shalit has hit upon a rather nifty way of streamlining it.
Instead of using his email’s auto-reply function as a simple out-of-office message, Jonathan has instead written a short essay on how happy and humbled he has been since receiving his OBE for services to the entertainment industry and thanking you for your congratulations.
Which you receive, even if you just emailed him to say hi. What a gent.
Never one to miss a chance at lengthening his name, Shalit now signs off his emails “Professor Jonathan Shalit OBE (Officer of the Order of the British Empire)”.
>> Montecore FF-Fuffs Off<<
RIP Roy’s white-furred nemesis
Montecore the Tiger brought the reign of Siegfried and Roy over Las Vegas to an end in 2003. By biting out Roy’s throat live on stage. Roy is still alive but, sadly, Montecore has died.
Roy spent fifty years turning his affinity with animals (using a special ff-fuff, ff-fuff noise) into a $40m a year business. Until Montecore decided enough was enough. We never could find out why Montecore did what he did. After all, Roy saved his life as a cub, giving him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation when he was rejected by his mother.
Mirage owner Steve Wynn blamed a group of “big-haired women” in the front row for distracting the tiger. Roy thought differently. He claimed Montecore, far from wanting to hurt him, saw that he was dizzy and about to pass out, and tried to save him by dragging him by the throat to the side of the stage, like a cub.
Montecore went back to the Secret Garden to live quietly, until this summer, when Roy announced his “beloved 17 year old White Tiger Friend and Brother, “Mantecore” left us and is now with his siblings in White Tiger heaven”.
First up for UK Eurovision this year? Lauren Harries, with a track called I’m All Dressed Up With No Place To Go.
>> Hmms <<
Clams, Kim, Mr Cm
Cold in July director Jim Mickle had a lot of interesting things to say to us about getting a movie made in Hollywood.
Andy Murray’s girlfriend will paint your dog
The most expensive things on Amazon
British Summer Time in Hyde Park. From next Thursday, 3rd July. Arcade Fire… Future Islands…
What happens when you get 40 people from 25 countries to do your Photoshopping for you?
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POPBITCH SUMMER QUIZ! Jerusalem Bar, London W1, Tues 15 July, From 7pm. Cheap drinks, great food, nice people. Big trophy to win! Email us now to reserve a table for your team: hello@popbitch.com
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Thanks: DLG, monstris, mountstnobody, DGC, GB, RM, JD, NC, thebestnameshavegone, GC, JV, GS, L,
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Old Jokes Home:
Q/ Why is Peter Pan always flying?
A/ Because he neverlands.
(We like this joke because it never grows old…)
Still Bored:
Why was Rebekah Brooks found not guilty? Probably the best piece we’ve seen so far:
http://bit.ly/UPjZmV
