“Those Were Olives”

How To Understand The Modern World. Dr Hans Rosling was one of Time’s 100 most influential people. Based on the last book he wrote before he died, Factfulness, Hans’s two lifelong collaborators, Ola Rosling and Anna Rosling- Rönnlund, reveal the ten dramatic instincts that lead us to misunderstand how the world really works. 15% off tickets with code POPBITCH

[Book at How To Academy]

“I’m a Guildford celebrity. Even before Love Island” – Olivia Attwood

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* Kate Moss’s bid for history

* Rooting for Kylie Jenner

* Charts: Drake to be No.1 for 7th week?

>> Max impact <<

Post-mortem muckspreading

A few months back, we ran a story which implied that Max Clifford had taken a rather interesting tale about Dustin Hoffman to his grave.
Since then, some uncensored footage of an undercover scene from the 2009 documentary Starsuckers has found its way into our lap. As you’ll see, when he thinks the cameras aren’t rolling, Clifford did indeed have something to say about Hoffman – but Hoffman wasn’t the only one.
Let’s just say this: if Mohamed al-Fayed paid Clifford for his discretion, he got ripped off…
[View on Popbitch]

Dane Bowers is on Bumble. His bio reads “Just a guy in Dubai looking for a bit of fun”.

>> A touch of Frost <<

Sadie spills the beans

Kate Moss has been confiding in her good friend Sadie Frost about how concerned she is with her legacy. Apparently she really wants to be remembered as one of history’s most legendary beauties – even mentioning Helen of Troy as a benchmark.
And like the good friend she is, Sadie Frost has been repeating this to practically everyone she meets…

Daily Mail supremo Paul Dacre can’t pronounce “Beyoncé” properly but everyone in the newsroom is too nervous about being called a cunt to correct him.

>> Big Questions <<

Who’s asking what this week?

Which veteran film and TV actor is known in the industry as ‘Two Fingers’? Whenever he was required to lift up his leading lady in one particular scene, that’s what he kept trying to slip inside her.

Damon Albarn’s “hair technician” is the same one that Silvio Berlusconi uses.

>> Secret meating <<

David’s giant olives

David Haye has made a pretty big name for himself as the poster boy for veganism. So it was pretty confusing for the TV producer who walked into his dressing room to check a few notes with him before air, to find him tucking into what appeared to be three whole chickens.
As his veganism was due to come up in conversation, they thought they’d just double check with his handler that they couldn’t possibly have seen him wolfing down multiple cooked animals, could they?
“No,” came the stony-faced response. “Those were olives…”

We noted with some interest that Stormy Daniels’ pseudonym in the NDA was Peggy Peterson. Shortened to ‘PP’. Or, as it’s said out loud, ‘Pee-Pee‘.

>> 99 problems <<

Groomed for success

Last week we mentioned that David Beckham’s new grooming range, House 99, took its name from the year that he and Posh got married. That’s certainly the company line on it, but there’s a Notting Hill shop owner who might be wondering if the influence possibly came from elsewhere.
Katrina Phillips sells beard oil and incense which all comes packaged in Japanese-style matt black bottles, much like Beckham’s range. She’s mentioned to customers that Beckham’s creative team paid her a visit recently.
The address of her store? 99 Portobello Road.

Life’s too busy to waste time on comparison sites or shop around for something as boring as electricity. So get a load of this: new FREE service LOOK AFTER MY BILLS does it all for you! Always on the best deal forever – just a two-minute sign up. Average saving – £250.

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>> Secret shopper <<

Going back to her roots

She managed to keep an entire pregnancy under wraps, so it’s no surprise that Kylie Jenner also managed to keep large sections of her trip to London quiet last year.
How? Her hairstylist, Tokyo, made her a purposely awful wig which was a yellow graduated bob with big black roots. She wore this along with shit clothes and sunglasses and wandered round Selfridges all day while her security followed her pretending to be shopping.
No-one clocked it was her.

Kylie Jenner stayed at The Rosewood when she was here. She had one room for her and another separate room for storing her clothes.

>> Sun-set <<

Tabloid fears for the future

You may remember that Rupert Murdoch slipped on his son Lachlan’s yacht at the end of last year and has been laid up with a bad back ever since.
While that’s not incorrect, it wasn’t just his back. Rumours around the Sun say one detail didn’t make it to print: that he also hit his head quite badly. He was airlifted off the boat and it was even touch and go for a bit whether or not he’d pull through.
He’s recovering well now, but its understandably caused a bit of a concern at the tabloid. Not least because it’s become pretty clear that there’s no real succession plans in place for the paper – and no-one really wants to think about what will happen to it when Murdoch Snr is no longer in control.

Mother’s Day is fast approaching! Minimise the risk of maternal disappointment by buying mum a bouquet from the UK’s most ethical florist. Use code “motherflower” for 15% off.

[Buy at Arena Flowers]

>> Art attack <<

Out on the Skinner his arse

If you’re enjoying Frank Skinner on Sky Arts’ Portrait Artist Of The Year, then savour it. After Sky received a letter from the entire production crew about how vile he’d been to work for they’re going to replace him next year.
In the picture to take over? Stephen Mangan.

RIP Trevor Baylis. He died during National Pie Week. He lived on Eel Pie Island.

>> RIP NME <<

You heard it here first

And so we finally say farewell to the print edition of NME, almost 11 years after we first printed rumours of its imminent demise.
The lack of success of these predictions became a running joke around these parts but, in our defence, they came from no lesser a source than NME’s own people.
One high profile staffer was telling anyone who would listen that there wasn’t long left due to endless fuckery from the top, and another lamented that the magazine was doomed and he’d be “filing tabloid stories on a shit, banner ad-filled blog which is what it’ll be in a year or so”.
Clearly they were men before their time.

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>> Hmmms <<

FLC, DPRK, DOOM

Talent-stuffed and sanatorium-ready, the hysterically funny Dina Martina is at Soho Theatre 5–17th March. Exclusive Popbitch reader offer: use promo code ‘DREGS’ for £10 tickets Mon-Thu.

[At Soho Theatre]
Huey from Fun Lovin’ Criminals is selling his house

[See on RightMove]
North Korean cheerleaders set to happy hardcore

[Watch on YouTube]
Online sex toy retailer Lovehoney is celebrating running its 200,000th review with 50% off customer favourites and Crazy Bundles of toys at half price.

[Buy at LoveHoney]
Local news of the week

[Read on Cambridge News]
Good bit of nominative determinism in the New Yorker profile of Christopher Steele. The clandestine officer in the CIA? John Sipher

[Read on New Yorker]
DOOM on the Etch-a-Sketch

[Watch on YouTube]
Baby bunny bath time

[See on Twitter]

Thanks to: MW, M, JS, sparky, danceswithmustelids, yama, ulysses, bobbifleckman SG, TD, EIB, AP, SG, dourbitch, SM and honk poster, for the NME story back in 2007

Old Jokes Home:

Comic Sans walks into a bar.

The bartender says, “Get out – we don’t serve your type”.Still Bored?

This week’s Media Masters podcast features an interview with morning TV stalwart (and current Good Morning Britain editor) Neil Thompson – the man responsible for foisting Piers Morgan on us most mornings.

[Listen/Download to Media Masters]

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