In The Shadow Of Mount Wank

Holly Valance hosted a Trump 2024 fundraiser in London yesterday – but she’s not the only ex-chart-botherer who’s getting behind The Donald.

Huey Morgan (the former Fun Lovin’ Criminal) was really talking Trump up to fellow guests at a recent party. So much so that his wife was later seen circulating, pleading with people to please keep their lips buttoned and not let her husband’s views slip publicly.

(So keep it under your hat, OK?)

Aurora’s new album came out last week and she’s been enjoying keeping interviewers on their toes during the promo rounds for it. Especially the ones who think they’re dealing with some sweet, innocent forest fairy.

When one interviewer used the expression “A little bird told me…” in front of her, Aurora replied “Which fucking bird? I’m going to track it down and shit in its nest!”

Before returning to her usual themes of love, courage and mutual respect, etc, etc.

Sunak’s closest aide placing bets on the election is funny – but which minor royal has apparently placed an even spicier bet? They’ve got money riding on the date that Harry and Meghan are going to split…

An unexpected bonus of the looming Tory apocalypse is that disillusioned politicos are now transitioning into memoir mode – dredging up old anecdotes to share.

One such story we heard recently involves former defence secretary Ben Wallace, who had a rather strange business lunch with Liz Truss last year.

Liz arrived to the posh Westminster spot quite late, looking rather harried. No sooner had she sat down, she immediately started rummaging around under the table. Not a discreet rummage. A very obvious, full-body one. Wallace wasn’t sure where to look when, a few seconds later, he saw Liz lift up the pair of stockings she had – just moments earlier – been wearing.

She then placed them down on the table, right where they were about to eat, with a satisfied sigh of “There! That’s better!”

Worried that a Labour landslide might dry up the supply of political sleaze we’ve become accustomed to in recent years? Don’t be!

Now that the party is forecast to win a bunch of seats previously considered unwinnable, some of the lesser-vetted candidates they tossed into those lost-cause constituencies might actually make it to Westminster.

In one seat, they’ve put forward a candidate who is well known to women in SW1. Despite having a long-term partner, he remains a relentless text-pest, bombarding ladies who catch his eye with endless messages. One woman counted an unbroken string of 30+ WhatsApps trying to coax her out for a drink – him totally undeterred by the fact she hadn’t replied to a single one.

So we can expect business as usual in the Commons from July 5th.

Trent Alexander-Arnold is being touted as England’s new secret weapon for the Euros, deployed next to Declan Rice. Many squad insiders are surprised that this is even on the cards.

You may remember that Arsenal’s facial hair maven, Ben White, was once also a big hope for England but has declined the invitation to play for his country since the last World Cup. The story went that he fell out with coach Steve Holland after a number of jibes were aimed in his direction.

Before the Bosnia game last week it was Trent who took White’s place as the butt of Holland’s attention.

He was warned relentlessly “Don’t go forward”, despite that being the USP of his game. Even though he was riled by Holland’s needless needling, Trent did the sensible thing, shrugged it off and strode forward anyway to score a wonder goal. Which has now put him in prime position for the opening match against Serbia.

Gary Glitter has just been ordered to pay half a million to one of his victims. Where does a thoroughly disgraced sex offender like Glitter get his hands on a sum like that? Well, thanks to some well-placed songwriting credits, the cash never really stopped rolling in.

* Glitter made an estimated £1m+ for having his lyrics to “Hello, Hello I’m Back Again” sampled on the opening track of Oasis’s What’s The Story (Morning Glory), earning a commission with every copy sold.

* His song “Do You Wanna Touch Me (Oh Yeah)” was featured in a 2011 episode of Glee – performed by Gwyneth Paltrow.

* Although the NFL stepped in to ban “Rock’n’Roll (Part 2)” from being played at the Super Bowl in 2012, it’s been a popular US stadium staple for the NBA, MLB and NHL. Using a cover version didn’t stop his slice of the songwriting money getting through and Billboard reported it was generating an estimated $250,000 a year in performance royalties as late as 2014.

There’s been an effort to paint Nigel Farage as a canny political genius for deciding to abandon his American ambitions after Trump’s conviction and return to the UK instead. The reasons for his change of heart are probably slightly more prosaic though. It seems he came back to familiar political shores because none of the Yanks actually knew who he was.

Farage’s appearance at CPAC this year wasn’t exactly a barnstormer. Attendees said he spent most of his time wandering around aimlessly, surrounded by right wingers who couldn’t give a shit about That Weird Bloke In The Tweed Suit.

One poor Canadian diplomat was driven particularly mad by his constant presence, as Farage kept forcing conversation on him, seemingly as he had nowhere else to go after making his speech at the conference.

Ever since Moneyball came out, professional sport has become increasingly dominated by data, stats and cold, hard logic. But not everyone has turned their back on the old ways of doing things.

Chelsea co-owner Behdad Eghbali doesn’t run the club using modern corporate norms. His favoured interview process for club exec hires is to get a CV he likes the look of, then invite them out for a night on the town.

If it goes well (and they keep pace with his drinking, etc) he offers them a job.

Which possibly helps explain why Chelsea currently has an industry rep as a bit of a basket case club.

C writes:
“I recently flew to Marrakech. Ross Kemp was on the flight. He was with a film crew who were obviously tired and just wanted to get to their hotel. However, Ross insisted on thanking the pilots personally before getting off, having to wait for the entire plane to de-board before doing so.

“The pilots seemed pretty unfussed and slightly bemused.”

Gwyneth Paltrow’s house is up for sale – a stone’s throw from the Fresh Prince Of Bel Air mansion
[See on Zillow]

For those on a more modest budget: Dame Maggie Smith’s Lady In The Van van is also on the market
[Just £7K]

War And Peace for cats
[The Meow Library]

RIP Françoise Hardy – la grandmère du grunge
[Listen on YouTube]

How Chicago house classic Move Your Body was made
[Read on Guardian]

What happens when a supermodel buys a fashion magazine
[Read on Puck]

Is it still possible to create a pop music Watercooler Moment?
[Read on Medium]

40 years on and the model for Duran Duran’s Rio artwork has finally been uncovered
[Consequence Of Sound]

Still Bored?
Why are big acts like the Black Keys and J-Lo bailing on arena tours?
[Interesting long read on Stereogum]