The Daily Tonic: 1,200 Angry Men

There’s an old Alan Partridge storyline where Alan goes back to a fan’s house to find that the entire place is plastered with pictures, photos and posters of himself. Perturbed, Alan tries to escape.

The story famously comes from a real-life incident that happened to comedian Stewart Lee, but something similar also happened to Jack Whitehall too. After a university gig, Whitehall ended up going back to a fan’s bedroom to discover that her walls were covered in pictures of him – but his story had a somewhat happier ending.

“It was the hardest I ever came,” apparently.

Netflix wasted no time in announcing the end of House Of Cards in light of the Spacey allegations in 2017, immediately suspending the production of the show’s sixth season – which rather gave the impression that the whole thing caught them unaware. And who knows? Maybe it did. But Spacey’s reputation was pretty well-known in the industry.

Earlier that same year, execs on a proposed Gore Vidal biopic (in which Spacey was chalked to play Vidal) held a pre-production meeting to discuss what to do if Spacey ever got too handsy with any of the pretty young things on set.

The producers of that biopic? Oh, just a little up-and-coming studio by the name of… Netflix.

Trump’s barrel-scraping inauguration brought Michael Flatley back into our orbit, which reminded us of an old story we heard of Flatley’s flirting technique.

After spotting a lovely lady in a bar one night, Flatley sent one of his henchmen over to ask her if she would like a drink. She politely declined.

The henchman returned minutes later to try to persuade her once more – but, again, she declined.

After a few minutes, the henchman returned a third time and said in an exasperated tone “But he’s the Lord of the Dance!”

Hundreds of potential jurors were dismissed from the trial of pharma bro Martin Shkreli in 2017. Some of the responses from jurors when asked if they could be fair and impartial when hearing his case included:

JUROR NO.1: I’m aware of the defendant and I hate him.

JUROR NO.52: When I walked in here today I looked at him and, in my head, that’s a snake — not knowing who he was. I just walked in and looked right at him and that’s a snake.

JUROR NO.144: I don’t think I can because he kind of looks like a dick.

JUROR NO.59: He disrespected the Wu-Tang Clan.

“I just wanna make sure I keep giving you motherfuckers something to talk about” – Britney Spears

“I did watch them having sex on Monday night’s episode. I had a bit of a smile on my face. It’s what Love Island is all about, isn’t it?” – Amber Davies’ mum

“I’ll go broke before I drink bad wine” – Madonna

“I’m the kind of guy that, when I see geese, I go ‘All right, geezers?'” – Liam Gallagher

Here’s ten songs, taken from the UK Top Ten in 2017, all sliced up and reassembled into a little audio patchwork.

All you have to do – for a maximum of twenty points – is identify the lead artist (one point each) and the songs’ titles (a further point each).

Easy as pie…

[Play it here]

How much does it cost to throw your own presidential piss party, a la Donald Trump?
[We crunched the numbers]

Create your own celebrity apology
[Sorry if anyone was offended]