Princess Di 2.0

Press releases surrounding the upcoming Willy Wonka film have been keen to stress that Timothée Chalamet’s Wonka will be a prequel to the beloved 1971 Gene Wilder film and nothing to do with Tim Burton’s 2005 remake.

It’s been shooting at various locations in the UK recently, including the Oxfordshire village of Sutton Courtney. What’s the significance of that? It’s the same Oxfordshire village where Tim Burton lives, so he has to look out of the window and watch them filming.

He can snog his Kardashian girlfriend in the bogs of the VMAs with Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly all he likes, but there’s no getting around it. Travis Barker has gone soft.

Travis just filmed an ad for an ethical footwear brand and his backstage rider for the shoot is the blandest, saddest one we’ve seen in some time. Raw almonds, alkalised water, sugar free Red Bulls, a dozen hand towels (“VERY IMPORTANT”).

It’s a far cry from his days in Blink-182, when their rider was filled with requests for chocolate chip cookies, BBQ crisps, 12-packs of Corona, red wine, “X rated lesbian themed magazines” and DVDs.

Travis would also request his own separate room, which came with an added carton of Marlboro Lights, three further bottles of good red wine and two extra pairs of boxer shorts.

While everyone is busy investigating MPs’ second jobs, which political figure has been quietly catching up with Boris, sowing the early seeds of a third family?

D writes:
“Lionel Blair’s passing reminded me of the time Public Enemy played in Edinburgh in the mid-2000s. This was not too long after the invasion of Iraq, and Chuck D was in full political mode, delivering a stirring denunciation of the war – all building up to him bellowing out ‘FUCK GEORGE BUSH!’ and the crowd chanting ‘FUCK GEORGE BUSH, FUCK GEORGE BUSH’ in response.

“Not to be left out, and obviously keen to add a Brit-specific line, Flavor Flav bounded up to add his thoughts: ‘YEAH, AND FUCK LIONEL BLAIR!’ – which failed to get quite the same crowd reaction.

“This was of course just after Flav had appeared on reality show The Farm with Lionel Blair. Which does raise the question of whether he was under the impression he’d been on the show with the Prime Minister…”

It was only a few weeks ago that we told you execs at GB News were freaking out because two of their on-screen talents had got pissed at lunch and then shagged at the nearby Hilton. Clearly the moral panic has died down a bit as word from the studio is that one of the suits there has started to dabble in a bit of office romance himself.

He’s been seen whisking one of the station’s stars off for a lot of private discussions about his grand plans for their slot.

Casting Tom Hardy in a new Hollywood drama about the botched withdrawal from Afghanistan was a no-brainer. As we’ve mentioned before, Hardy has been known to tell people that the SAS secretly has him listed as one of their emergency on-call contacts, a back-up soldier they can enlist if shit ever goes down properly.

It’s a mad claim, but Tom does have some on-the-ground experience. He visited Afghanistan in 2013 while doing research for a movie that never ended up being made and visited Pul-e-Charkhi prison while there. However, his close protection team didn’t allow him to have a gun.

Which ought to give him pause about the sort of job the SAS has in mind for him in an apocalypse situation.

As hacks across the country scour the Register Of Members’ Interests looking for further examples of MPs’ lucrative side gigs, we noticed something interesting crop up in Esther McVey’s filings.

In June 2021, Esther declared a £600 payment for presenting a pilot episode of a show for News UK – shortly before Rupert Murdoch announced he was putting his TV plans on ice.

Wasting no time, McVey bounced straight over to rival channel GB News and within weeks was declaring regular monthly payments of £1,950 from them for doing four shows a month.

But now that Murdoch’s TalkTV plans are picking up steam again, what do we find? Two new payments in Esther’s most recent update: both listed as being paid on October 15th.

One, her fourth £2K payday from GB News. The other? A fee for presenting another new pilot… for News UK.

Diana Ross has been confirmed for the Legends slot at Glastonbury 2022. Though the festival has dealt with its fair share of divas over the years, Miss Ross’s demands are in a league of their own. Some of our favourites include:

* That she insists upon being woken by the sound of her own voice

* That she tried to get the nickname “Princess Di” to stick with her entourage (not long after it became available…)

* That when staying in Claridge’s she would request a daily bunch of roses to be delivered to her room, then cut the heads off the previous day’s still-fresh flowers so that no-one else could enjoy them after her

* That a former housekeeper says, among her many tasks, she was the one who would be required to flush the toilet after Miss Ross had finished

It’s been surprising to see the Daily Mail go in so hard on the Tories in this latest wave of sleaze stories – a change in editorial heart that aligns weirdly closely (almost to the day, in fact) with Paul Dacre finally boxing up his belongings and leaving the building.

Proof that Dacre never really left the job of editor, and has been pressing his thumb on the scales all this time?

Or could it be that his successor, Geordie Grieg, is mostly interested in drawing attention to government corruption specifically to try to torpedo Dacre’s contentious second punt at the OFCOM job?

Those watching vintage Top Of The Pops re-runs on BBC4 might have noticed that there’s been a few missing episodes recently; those hosted by a little remembered DJ called Adrian Rose (aka Adrian Woolfe).

The Beeb attributes the missing episodes to vague ‘legal rights issues’, but as Adrian went on to become a big player behind the scenes on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, it seems he isn’t keen to remind viewers of his youthful attempts in front of the camera. It’s a shame, because it’ll also mean missing out on early performances by the Manics, Primal Scream, Shakespears Sister, The Shamen and that legendary performance from Nirvana where Kurt croaked his way through Smells Like Teen Spirit an octave lower than normal.

Still, with all the headlines about climate catastrophe and profligate spending at the minute, maybe it’s smart of Adrian to keep a low profile. During his time at Celador, his nickname was “Budgie” – on account of his habit of always taking helicopters everywhere, even when a train or taxi would be easier.

A petition to keep James Corden out of the movie Wicked
[Add your name if you want]

An AI Spongebob raps Gangsta’s Paradise
[Listen on YouTube]

Should we lay off Ed Sheeran?
[A convincing case]

A rare Local News/Nominative Determinism hybrid: The bylined author of “Why Can’t You Find Any Crisps In Norwich At The Moment?”
[…Eleanor Pringle!]

Interesting piece on how Netflix is draining the global pool of translators
[Read on Rest Of World]

A rock stacking simulator
[Exactly that]

The latest developments in the Mail v Meghan Markle case are worth a look
[Read on The Daily Beast]

A fun list of things that tech companies have insisted The Verge only run “on background”
[Plus, a smart policy update]

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