The Second Serve: Xmas Tongue Titillations

[Merry Xmas]

On his regular plasma infusions

“The operator who has been doing TPE for 9 years, said my plasma is the cleanest he’s ever seen. By far. He couldn’t get over it. When we finished, he couldn’t bring himself to throw it away. He was imagining all the good that it could do in the world.”

Alas, we have none of Bryan’s plasma to share with you so will just send out heartfelt thanks for joining Club PB and that we will be back in the NY with as much gossip and insider intel that we can find.

Upgrades and more club perks coming your way in January too – we’ll write next week with more details.

In the meantime – scurrilous seasons greetings from the whole PB gang x x

(Stablemates at the Daily Star, on the other hand, had a tab behind the bar meaning their staff could eat and drink whatever they wanted.)

The big name guests at the Daily Mail US’s DC bureau ‘holiday’ reception – Ashley Hinson,  a junior congresswoman from Iowa and failed Tory MP Gavin Barwell. Yikes!

Old stalwarts like Ed Miliband, though, still find ways to grab attention.

At the Labour Party Conference this Autumn his Q&A showcased quite strongly that he hasn’t spent the intervening years since that bacon sandwich learning to be convincingly human

Sample Q&A moments:

“I really like Chappell Roan”

Q – How does he relax? “Listening to Chappell Roan”

And he told the crowd he really likes swimming – and invested in a waterproof mp3 player “So I can listen to Chappell Roan”.

“More on your Rosamund Pike story; I used to work in a bar in central London. I always found Rosamund Pike to be very nice, but her partner was a pain in the arse.

“He would come in regularly and order a bacon sandwich, then often send the first one or two back to the kitchen as it wasn’t crispy enough for him (the bacon was always crispy).

“He liked to complain about the price as well (£8). One time when he tested me to my absolute limits I unprofessionally suggested he try other places he then stated without irony ‘Why would I do that, the bacon is always excellent’.

“So it’s not just on flights that this family complains about breakfasts”.

As far back as 2008 we shared with you all that his then partner, Helen Bonham Carter, liked to boast loudly in public that he had a black and white stripey cock.

And now it’s back on the scene.

A recent trip to the urinals at an independent film festival enabled the film producer next to him to deliver the following important information:

One, it’s huge. Two, it is tattooed with black and white stripes to look like a Beetlejuice sandworm.

– London criminal barrister, prosecutor and member of the Rape and Serious Sexual Offences panel – Huw Edwards.

– NHS England’s director for prevention and long-term conditions, who this week warned the world about the risk of vaping addiction – Matt Fagg.

– The lawyer Ruth Langsford has hired in her high-profile divorce from Eamonn Holmes – Catherine Costley.

The new head of Uber Eats in Australia… Ed Kitchen.

The BBC’s recently retired legal guru  – Roger Law.

“Your latest newsletter brought back a long-buried memory of a school trip to the Good Food Show, when we were in year 9.

Ainsley Harriott was signing books with the charming, and not at all creepy message ‘happy tongue titillations 2004’.

When I mentioned I was getting mine signed to give my mum as a present, she was lucky enough to receive a different, bespoke message, ‘Happy succulent Christmas’.

“And on that note, a happy succulent Christmas to all at Popbitch.”

[Download here]

If you’d like to test your knowledge of as far back as 2023 – be our guest and download this one for free too

[Xmas Quiz 2023]

And a good Xmas read

[Viz x XTC]

Capital FM DJ saves dog stuck in Thames, then has to be rescued himself

[Still very nice]

For sale: Isabel Oakeshott’s old Merc

[A Christmas bargain]