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“Media training makes me wanna fuckin’ spew my ring up… If you don’t want me to answer the question, don’t put me in front of the cunt and I won’t answer it” – Danny Dyer |
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* The Lenny Kravitz cut
* Piers Morgan’s dinner plans
* PLUS: Tits out for Candi |
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| >> Looped in << |
| Popbitch: government business |
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There’s a deleted scene from In The Loop where Malcom Tucker’s right hand man, Jamie, is reading the riot act to a hapless minister and his SpAd. He wraps the rant up by telling the SpAd to get back to “sitting on your arse all day, drinking lemon zinger and reading Popbitch“.
We recently learned that this is now actually an official duty at No.10. Ever since the Boris Johnson phone number incident, Popbitch has been placed on No.10’s media monitor list. So it’s now some poor advisor’s job to scour the mailout each week to make sure we haven’t caused any other national security complications.
Hello, whoever you are. Should be a fairly easy read this week. Just one story concerning your boss. Contains a minor embarrassment. Nothing massive. |
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| Spotted in Blondie’s bar in East London this weekend, doing tequila shots and dancing… Bill Murray! |
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| >> Ruped in << |
| Taken up the Shard |
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Rupert Murdoch put in a fair bit of facetime at the Baby Shard last week while he was over for his London summer party. He’s had some very interesting meetings lined up on Floor 17 too.
Among the many people spotted stopping by to kiss the ring – separately, but on the same day – were Rishi Sunak and Keir Starmer.
Clearly it’s for the leader of the country (and the leader-in-waiting) to go to Murdoch, not the other way around… |
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| Yevgeny Prigozhin, the chief of Russian mercenary group Wagner, has the nickname “Putin’s Chef”. Curiously, Putin’s grandfather was the actual chef for Lenin and Stalin. |
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| >> Big Questions << |
| Who’s asking what this week? |
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Which member of Radiohead was heard rebuffing a punter’s advances at Glastonbury gay club NYC Downlow with the line “I must go over to see my hot wife”? |
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[Listen here] |
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| >> Ladies only << |
| Who stays in the picture? |
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Corporate gigs are the easiest money going. You turn up, play a hit or two, take a few photos with staff, then walk out considerably richer. Yet even a cakewalk like that comes with conditions for a certain calibre of star.
Lenny Kravitz was hired for a performance at a corporate team building event, at which he was requested to play his song(s), then pose for pictures. However Lenny insisted on having full photo approval – and only approved the photos of people he deemed attractive enough to appear next to him.
Which led to a lot of very disappointed finance nerds as only a handful of women in the company made the cut. |
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| The average gram of cocaine in Saudi Arabia costs US$266. Just $3 more than Australia’s current rates. |
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| >> Bloody minded << |
| Off-colour behaviour |
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Royal Blood could do with a bit of good press after their petulant bit of rock-twat posturing at the Radio 1 Big Weekend last month, hectoring the crowd for not appreciating them deeply enough. Sadly, they’re not going to get it from us.
Maybe Miles, the front man, would find he had a few more fans if he wasn’t such a bellend to the people who like his band enough to buy their records. But no. He once refused to sign a fan’s copy of an album because he didn’t like the colour of the pen they handed him. |
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| Gary Oldman is currently filming around the Barbican in London. He chooses to shop in the local Tesco Metro rather than the Waitrose. |
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| >> Piers review << |
| He has some reservations |
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Piers Morgan’s absence from the courtroom has not gone unnoticed in the ongoing Mirror hacking trial. Even the judge has wondered why – given how much Piers has had to say on the topic over the years – he wouldn’t relish the chance to get in the dock and clear these matters up under oath.
One of the hacking claimants who gave evidence was especially sad not to see Piers there. They were hoping to take the chance to ask him exactly how he ended up having dinner next to them so frequently. Whenever they arranged to meet their other half for dinner – plans that were generally made by leaving each other voicemails – Piers just so happened to have reservations at the same place.
At the same time.
On the next table. |
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| >> Blacklisted << |
| No Carrs allowed |
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Jimmy Carr is one of the most marmite comedians around. For every fan who loves him, there’s plenty more who find his smug style an absolute turn-off – and it’s been interesting to learn that that’s true for celebs as well as civilians.
Jonathan Ross’s annual Halloween party always looks like one of the chummiest celeb dates on the calendar, where everyone from telly gets together for a night of spooky fun and photo opportunities. But at last year’s event, a special VIP space was set up for everyone to enjoy – except Jimmy Carr – so they could all party without him. |
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| >> Mamma mia << |
| A titting tribute |
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It was a strange week for maternal tributes at gigs. The story of the fan who tossed her mother’s ashes on stage in the middle of Pink’s set made the papers, but there was another odd one at Glastonbury that we didn’t see picked up anywhere else.
Right at the end of her set, disco legend Candi Staton dedicated her final song to a young woman in the crowd called Sophie. She had heard that Sophie’s mother had recently died of breast cancer and as the 83 year old Candi pointed to a crying woman on the shoulders of someone, telling her “It’s you, Sophie!” the BBC cameras duly picked her out.
The next 30 seconds were then spent cutting between this crying woman and Candi, as Candi continued her heartfelt dedication. In response, the crying woman pointed up thankfully to heaven and made a big heart symbol with her fingers that she sent out around the crowd.
Then – to cap off this incredibly tender moment – popped her wabs out and gave them a big ol’ wiggle for the camera. Which promptly panned away.
[Watch the moment here] |
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| Unfortunate Assignment of the Week: the reporter covering Kevin Spacey’s sexual assault trial for ABC News is… Michelle Rimmer. |
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| >> Pissboyler << |
| A hot wet scoop |
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The Sun’s Showbiz desk had a great Glastonbury scoop land in their hot pissy lap that they didn’t end up running.
It was a fun little story about a well-known journalist getting so steaming drunk at the festival that they were struggling to stay standing, sporting an extremely suspicious wet patch on their crotch and trying to chat to anyone who wasn’t running away from them.
The only setback was that the one journalist around to report on it also happened to be the subject of it too.
Ah, well. Not to worry, Simon Boyle. There’s always next year. |
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| Other journalists mashed at Glasto? Telegraph music critic Neil McCormick spotted “spangled off his nugget” on the Sunday night. |
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| >> Nod polisher << |
| Yentob’s interview technique |
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Reaction to the news that Meghan Markle didn’t conduct all the interviews on her multi-million dollar Spotify podcast has been pretty brutal but, in fairness to her, she isn’t the first highly-paid media figure to do this sort of thing.
Alan Yentob infamously caused the BBC an almighty headache when he once admitted that it was possible some of the signature shots of him on Imagine, nodding obsequiously to his guests’ answers, could well have been filmed separately and spliced together in post.
As it turned out, all the “noddies” used in final edits were legit. Where the confusion must have slipped in was that Yentob would only ever turn up to do interviews himself if the subject was a showbiz pal of his, or someone sufficiently impressive that he could name-drop them with abandon around Soho House.
In the case of lesser lights, producers would end up doing the interview. Then Yentob would fudge his voiceover script to heavily imply he’d been present – but never use footage of him nodding for those bits. |
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[Play Pick My Postcode here] |
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| Thanks to: JB, CC, earl_of_essex, ED, peteybabes, NB, MR, monstris, dancewithmustelids, bobbifleckmann, TI, BD, ST, deep_stoat, theabominablehoman, BP, GV, PM, JL, paddy, CW |
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Old Jokes Home
Q/ Why can’t Barbie get pregnant?
A/ Because Ken comes in a different box.
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