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| “I saw my OB this week and she gave me a pamphlet about vaginal collapse” – Jennifer Garner |
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Free newsletter every Thursday subscribe
Email stories to us hello@popbitch.com
* Snapping Rita in the cathedral
* The shits hit Westminster
* PLUS: Eurovision 2023 |
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| >> Present incorrect << |
| The gifts that keep giving |
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News that Britney Spears’ tell-all book has been delayed because the lawyers are shitting bricks about what it contains is a promising sign – but we really hope they don’t edit too much.
One detail that’s grabbed the attention of everyone this week is the reported snippet that Britney broke off a fledgling relationship with Colin Farrell after Farrell sent her a bumper sticker that read “Honk If You’ve Slept With Colin Farrell”.
That’s only half the story though. The way it originally went back in 2003 was that the bumper sticker came as part of a larger gift bundle. Alongside a T-shirt that read “I Slept With Colin Farrell And All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt” too. |
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| Fiona Bruce’s dinner order on Question Time last night: fish and chips with extra tartare sauce. Nick Ferrari’s order: sausage sandwich. |
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| >> Spock and rolled << |
| Never trust a journalist |
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A quick PSA to Hollywood actors: it is a terrible, terrible idea to sleep with journalists.
Zachary Quinto recently made the error and what’s the upshot? Yes, he might have got a shag out of it – but now Fleet Street is abuzz with a rumour about how he likes to be called “Mr Spock” in those tender moments. |
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| Diplo says he took half a tab of acid when running the LA marathon, claiming it really motivated him to run faster. |
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| >> Big Questions << |
| Who’s asking what this week? |
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Which huge international striker has been linked with a move away from his current club this summer but is fighting to stay put? Yes, he’s having a pretty good season, but his love for the club runs deeper than that. He’s secretly dating one of the club management. |
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Want to be towered over by Hannah Waddingham on Saturday night? (Who doesn’t?) For the first time EVER, the Eurovision Song Contest Grand Final will be broadcast LIVE on the big screen into cinemas across the UK this Saturday. So if you didn’t make it to Liverpool, you can still see the show on the scale that does it justice.
[Find your closest screening] |
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| >> Vision: On << |
| Liverpool’s about to get weird |
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Tomorrow night is the Eurovision Grand Final and this year we’re delighted to tell you that all the mad shit made it through to the Saturday.
Without juries to oversee the semis, there’s been a real end-of-term, teacher-lost-control energy to this year’s qualifiers. We’re talking Croatian drag punk, Moldovan folk rave, a Finnish Human Centipede, Serbian insomnia nightmares, Australian prog-metal, the ghost of Edgar Allen Poe and more.
As ever, we’ve written a full song-by-song guide to take you through everything – and crammed it with loads of info, jokes, gossip and plenty of stuff that the hosts won’t tell you. It’s been FULLY UPDATED for the grand final and formatted to fit neatly on your phone.
It’s like having Popbitch sat on your sofa to watch along. And what’s more, it’s completely free…
[Download the Popbitch Guide To Eurovision] |
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| UK entrant Mae Muller has a Tunnock’s Teacake tattooed on her left calf. |
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| >> Eurobits << |
| What to watch out for |
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Sweden might be the hot favourite, but who will we have our eyes on?
GERMANY: Bulge-watchers who missed Ireland’s semi on Tuesday will still have something to look forward to on Saturday. Germany’s front man has been wearing a very figure-hugging outfit for rehearsals and word from backstage is that it looks “like he’s stuffed a tabby cat down there”.
CROATIA: We’ve told you about all the times they’ve stuffed corks up their arses before, but Let3 are promising to perform naked over the final credits if they win. (There’s some genuine nervousness that they’re going to jump the gun and get their todgers out for the actual show too – but there’s more than enough going on on stage without their cocks and balls getting thrown into the mix).
FINLAND: An absolutely perfect three minutes. Bonkers hyperpop about getting shitfaced on pina coladas and hitting the dancefloor. A winner in our hearts (and miles more fun than Sweden).
SLOVENIA: The song is a nostalgic slice of mid-00s indie (think The Bravery/Hard Fi etc) and Joker Out have been this year’s big hornbags behind the scenes. The branded condoms they’ve been handing out to everyone they meet were obviously printed for tax deduction purposes.
AUSTRIA: They’ve been shafted a bit with the opening slot, but if you don’t spend all of Sunday singing “Poe Poe Poe Poe Poe” to yourself, you’ve got something wrong with you. |
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| Eurovision betting thoughts: Sweden are still odds-on favourites and likely to enchant the juries BUT the view count of her semi-final performance on YouTube is nowhere near the view counts of Finland, Croatia and Israel. |
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| >> Taika picture << |
| A very saintly Ora |
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There’s a classic showbiz story format in which a celebrity gets approached by someone asking them for a photo. Thinking it’s a fan, the celeb says “Of course” and eagerly prepares to pose with them – only to find themselves being handed the camera and getting told how best to snap the punter and their pal.
The latest celeb it’s happened to? Taika Waititi.
Taika’s been in Liverpool this last week with Rita Ora (who performed at Tuesday’s Eurovision semi). When the pair of them popped into Liverpool Cathedral, the cathedral’s Canon Chancellor and Verger were so excited to see Rita that they asked her for a picture – not realising who they’d got to take said picture until it came time to post it to social media… |
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| Loreen’s been getting her nails done in L1 Nail Salon in Liverpool. |
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| >> Outrageous deMånds << |
| The price of Eurovision fame |
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Success at Eurovision can open doors for an otherwise unknown artist, but it doesn’t get you full celebrity carte blanche.
Måns Zelmerlöw (who won for Sweden in 2015) was paid to attend an influencer event as a big celebrity guest. However, part way through the evening, the restaurant called the event organisers in some irritation. It was barely 10pm, only part way through the freebie, but somehow Måns, his wife (Nicole from Hollyoaks) and two friends had already cut a swathe through the fine wine section of the menu, knocking back £700 worth.
And where was this event? Annabel’s? Sketch? Le Gavroche? Nope. An upmarket burger joint. |
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| Were you (or do you know) a Popbitch or Nightbitch messageboarder from back in the early days? If so, we want to tell you about the memorial event for Dom a.k.a. Big Dog. Email us at rip@popbitch.com for info. |
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| >> Trash talk << |
| Video kills the radio stars |
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TalkTV had some celebratory staff drinks recently to mark the end of their first year of broadcast. Unfortunately, it doesn’t sound as if it had the intended effect on workplace morale.
At the event, execs played a greatest hits video montage that only featured the hosts who appear on air from 7-11pm (Morgan, Feltz, Kyle, Newton Dunn) none of whom were present. All of the presenters who did make the effort to show up? Snubbed.
Julia Hartley Brewer was so pissed off about it that she went straight up to the CEO to give him the full hairdryer treatment in front of everyone. She then splintered the party by leaving to host her own rival, break-out drinks party at a separate bar.
Those who stuck around got to see the night descend into brawling, with the CEO getting thrown out of the bar for failing to control his party.
Here’s to Year Two! |
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| Nepo Baby Latest: The actor who plays Reynolds in the new Queen Charlotte Bridgerton prequel is Freddie Dennis, son of Hugh Dennis. |
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| >> Liquid lunches << |
| A round of schnitzel roulette |
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Not content with the rate at which he was pissing away his money on the website UnHerd, Sir Paul Marshall has found an ingenious way to increase his annual losses: taking over a Westminster eatery.
At the end of last year, UnHerd took control of the Old Queen Street Café. Once a very popular spot with hacks and spads alike, its popularity has waned somewhat after a number of diners have recently come down with bouts of the shits after eating the schnitzel there.
So much so that Old Queen Street has been given a new nickname: “Old Queasy”. |
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| Using the seat-filler services this week, flogging £7 tickets to their gig in Glasgow: Duran Duran. |
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| >> Chartbreaker << |
| An eternity of ABBA Gold |
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It seems the album chart of 2023 has become the singles chart of the early 00s: loads of new entries hitting the Top 10, then plummeting right out of the charts in week two. We mentioned it had happened to Ellie Goulding these last few weeks and much the same has just happened to Enter Shikari and Everything But The Girl.
The chart is now mostly made up of famous old number one albums that hang around for literal decades – peppered with the odd new release, none of which appear to resonate much beyond a very small, committed, early-buying fanbase.
Except for Ed Sheeran, who will be number one later today. He’s currently outselling the rest of The Top 20 combined. Possibly by now the Top 30. |
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REBEL REEL CINE CLUB SCREENINGS
* Fri 19th May Barbarella @ The Garden Cinema, Covent Garden: ft. chat with costume designers Whitaker Malem, DJ Martin Green
* Sat 10th June Mona Lisa @ Outdoor, Kings Cross: ft. Cathy Tyson in-person chat and short film, Richard Cabut poetry reading
* Fri 30th June The Outsiders @ Woodberry Wetlands Outdoor
Get £3 off using code Popbitch [www.rebelreelcineclub.com] |
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| Thanks to: mount_st_nobody, DC, SK, CB, GoP, DT, L, R, eurovision_deepthroat, big_ben, LB, anon, ulysses, poshduckhunter, JS, J |
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Old Jokes Home
My proctologist was very happy with my recent check-up.
Got two thumbs up.
COMPETITION TIME
The official Eurovision 2023 album is out now, on double CD and digital download – as well as a karaoke version and a lovely triple vinyl up for pre-order too. We have some CD copies to give away. Send your best bit of showbiz trivia to things@popbitch.com and we’ll toss your name in the hat.
[Or cut the fuss and just buy it here] |
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