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Airs And Disgraces

 

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“I wish I’d never heard of Barnard Castle” – Dominic Cummings
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* Slobbering on Sly’s hot mic
* The Swedish cock-out warm-up
* PLUS: Stinky workplace power-plays
>> Le News GB <<
Plans v actualités
 

GB News has finally announced its launch date, but it doesn’t seem as if the project’s frontman, Andrew Neil, is going to be back to GB in time for the grand début. Thanks to travel restrictions, he’s been trapped chez Neil in the south of France for the last little while – a country currently on the amber list.

The whispered workaround? Andrew’s show is going to be broadcast from a studio somewhere on the French Riviera.

Critics will no doubt scoff at the idea of GB News’s flagship show getting beamed in from France, but in fairness it was always the plan to break the London media stranglehold. And besides, if you want to take on les élites what better place to find them than the glittering Côte d’Azur?

Unexpected celebrity conspiracy dabblers, pt.238: Martine McCutcheon has a fair bit to say about Bill Gates, vaccines and patents. (She did a couple of ads for 5G at Christmas though, so can’t be that concerned about it all…)
>> Best of Friends <<
Some bits from the vaults
 

As HBOMax wrings out nearly two hours of content for the Friends reunion, here’s a couple of previously unpublished Popbitch titbits about some of the cast – with the added benefit of featuring no James Corden:

* Matt LeBlanc used to sign into hotels under the name “Joey Clams”

* Matthew Perry’s dad was an Old Spice Guy in the old 70s and 80s ads

* David Schwimmer tells a good story about being on a set with Sly Stallone where Sly accidentally left his wireless mic on when nipping to the loo. Not for a piss or a plop but (as became obvious when things got going) a quick servicing from a willing lady.

* Jennifer Aniston used to have a carb monitor who followed her around on sets. Whenever Jen reached for a baked treat from craft service, this mystery woman would shout “JENNIFER! NO!”

Proving celebrity culture still has some depths to plumb: next month’s Celebrity Boxing pay-per-view pits ex-Mr Khloe Kardashian, Lamar Odom, against Backstreet Boy-brother, Aaron Carter, in a show hosted by Ice T.
>> Big Questions <<
Who’s asking what this week?
Which celebrity influencer couple have shot a TV ad encouraging fellow citizens to enjoy Covid-secure staycations this year? Which is slightly ironic, given that one of them has been playing away from home pretty indiscreetly throughout the pandemic.
Knock your Dad’s socks off this Father’s Day with an HonestBrew craft beer bundle. As well as featuring six delicious brews from incredible breweries, and an exclusive tasting glass, they’ll also chuck in some stylish socks to replace the ones you knocked off. Get 10% off this Bank Holiday weekend with code POPFD. Offer until May 31st.
[Get your gift bundle here]
>> Mail fragility <<
Double cunts; zero boobs
 

Ex-Daily Mail editor Paul Dacre has had his nomination to become Head of Ofcom scratched. He always did seem a bit of an odd choice though. Renowned on Fleet Street for his sweary newsroom outbursts (the notorious “Double Cuntings”) it would have been terrible for a man of such delicate sensibilities to be put in that particular post.

During Dacre’s tenure at the Mail, the paper famously started gunning hard for Cherie Blair. Things got so bad at one point that Dacre actually had to publicly deny it was down to any personal vendetta, insisting that his only agenda was “good journalism”.

Behind the scenes though, one of the reasons it’s always been suspected Dacre had it in for her was that she once dared to breastfeed in front of him at Chequers.

Kevin Spacey has lined up his next film role in Italian drama, L’uomo Che Disegnò Dio (“The Man Who Drew God”) about an artist who is wrongly accused of child abuse. He’s playing… a police officer.
>> Straight lines <<
Turning the tables
 

After declaring “ROCK’N’ROLL NEVER DIES!” on stage, Eurovision winners Måneskin instantly trashed whatever rock cred they had by spending most of the following week desperately trying to convince people they hadn’t been snorting gak off the green room tables.

Disappointing though it is to confirm, it seems the band are actually as tediously clean as they say. Sources who spent a lot of time at those same tables say they were so stupidly made that there was barely space to rest a drink – let alone rack out a good line – so the “smashed glass” excuse stacks up.

Besides, everyone there knew there were cameras on them the whole time. So if you want to figure out the most likely sniffers, a better place to start would be the ones who were conspicuously absent whenever the cameras swept by.

Even accounting for nerves, there’s only so many times you can piss in four hours…

An audit has been opened into how Malta spent its €650,000 Eurovision publicity budget. There’s mounting suspicion that a significant chunk of it was used to place big bets on their own entry in order to improve its odds.
>> Swede talk <<
Cocks out for warm-up
 

Sweden’s Måns Zelmerlöw has become part of the Eurovision furniture ever since he won the contest in 2015. A handsome, wholesome sort, he presents parts of the Swedish coverage, co-hosted a few of the UK’s national selection shows, and is forever inserting himself into those annual history-of-Eurovision montages at the main event.

But though he has a very clean cut reputation in front of the cameras, he has a weirdly X-rated motivational technique for his band backstage. He bucks musicians up before gigs by telling them they have to “Play like we’ve got our cocks out.”

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[First box 50% off here]
>> Stormy skies <<
Once more unto the breach
 

Kay Burley is due to start back at Sky News next week after her six-month suspension for breaching Covid rules. Things might be a little awkward on her return though as, even in her absence, Kay has still managed to piss everyone off.

Because of her well-publicised antics, bosses have been ultra strict on the colleagues she left behind, demanding total adherence to the strictest letter of the law, which has made life especially tough there. Kay, meanwhile, was put on leave for practically the whole of the third lockdown – on full-pay – returning just in time to see all the regulations relax.

Nice work if you can get (suspended from) it!

Nominative Determinism Of The Week: Professional Intimacy Director for film and TV… Rachel Flesher!
>> Airs and disgraces <<
The shit stench of success
 

The big industry story of the last few years has been harassment and workplace bullying – be it in film, TV, music, sports, news or media. Though a great number of the incidents have been sexual in nature, that isn’t the only gross way that higher-ups could exert their dominance over their charges.

For instance, someone who got their start on a famous Saturday morning kids’ TV show maintains that one of their managers used to get them to steady a ladder for them backstage. Then, just as the manager began to start climbing, they would casually drop a fart that the poor runner would have no choice but to stand and endure as they held their position.

Know of a weirder power-play? hello@popbitch.com

Billie Eilish has watched the American version of The Office 15 times.
>> Lucky numbers <<
Good 4 U, Olivia
 

Teen star Olivia Rodrigo has been breaking all sorts of chart records this year – but the thing we were most interested to see is that she’s also managed to break a peculiar UK chart curse too.

* Britney’s I’m A Slave 4 U peaked at… No.4

* Irv Gotti’s Down 4 U peaked at… No.4

* Hi-Tack’s Say Say Say (Waiting 4 U) peaked at… No.4

Olivia Rodrigo’s Good 4 U? Debuted at… No.2

Give Yourself Up To Imagination is a new platform for musicians, artists, poets, songwriters etc to come together as a relevant and ongoing creative community of change, and launches with a free-to-enter competition for songwriters with a $10,000 prize.
[Info & entry details here]
>> Hmmms <<
Hunks, signs, seals
 

Great song for the summer: Girls Like Sex by L Devine
[Listen/download here]

What happened to all the shirtless Abercrombie And Fitch hunks?
[Read on Slate]

How SoundScan changed the US charts
[Read on The Ringer]

Måneskin x Nicki Minaj
[Hear on TikTok]

Baby seal learns to swim
[See on YouTube]

Last weekend to catch Dan Rawlings’ Give Way exhibition
[Take a look here]

Big otter: back from the dead
[See on The Guardian]

Thanks to: AM, MM, H, EK, CJ, EIB, P, JB, JS, R, EK, DL, RS, TS, theabominablehoman, PK, AP
Old Jokes Home
Q/ Why did the Mexican take Xanax?
A/ For hispanic attacks

Still Bored?
Dunstan Bruce from Chumbawamba has made a documentary…
[See the trailer]

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