| I’M OUTRAGED
Dear Mindful Chef,
I have a complaint. You’ve ruined my enjoyment of going to restaurants. I now produce far more delicious dishes in as little as 15 minutes. I am doomed to sit at home and pig out on large platefuls of complete (and healthy) bliss.
My social life is suffering,
Yours Sadly,
Ruth
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| “Growing up around Wythenshawe everyone does footy or drugs. There are two paths” – Cole Palmer |
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| 20.03.25 Free newsletter every Thursday subscribe
Issue #1228 Email stories: hello@popbitch.com
Or WhatsApp us: +44 7923 619540
* Four Point Seven Star
*
Truss’d Up – Again!
* PLUS: Hankie Pankie Frankie |
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| >> Surprise Surprise! << |
| Best years of your life, eh |
| There’s suddenly been much media chatter about TV bosses annointing Holly Willoughby as “the new Cilla Black” (come on, Holly’s not that bad, is she?), with speculation about a rebooted Holly-fronted Blind Date.
She did do a few series of Cilla’s Surprise Surprise a few years back, but it’s no surprise to us that’s not being brought back again.
Turns out surprises and Holly don’t always go together.
When she last made an appearance on The One Show things didn’t go quite to plan. Wanting a bit of must-see live TV, the show’s well-meaning production staff got in touch with one of her former teachers to appear. With the teacher safely ensconced in the green room, waiting for their big moment, the presenters teed-up the big reveal, asking Holly: “Did you have any remarkable teachers?”
Unfortunately the answer wasn’t quite what they were looking for. Holly replied that she struggled with bullying at school, and always felt the teaching staff didn’t stand up for her enough.
Horrified, the producer immediately ran next door and sent the teacher packing. |
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| Charli XCX is making a film. (Have you learned nothing from Plan B and his Ill Manners debacle?, Chaz) |
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| >> Pony Up << |
| Hankie Pankie Frankie |
| Frankie Dettori said he was embarrassed about filing for bankrupcy. One of the things he’s presumably kicking himself about is losing a big six-figure advertising deal with a sports betting giant along the way.
Paid to be a brand ambassador, it all went tits up, literally, at an internal awards do.
Dettori spent the evening enjoying the free bar perhaps a tad too much and decided to play a party trick on one of the other guests, unzipping her dress and bearing her chest in full view of everyone.
This cheeky behaviour might have gone down a storm in some of his circles, but not when it was a senior company executive’s dress.
So his deal got binned.
Ooft. |
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| Robbie Williams’ CGI monkey biopic was a huge box office flop – losing +$100m – but is a streaming hit. It jumped up to no. 2 on Paramount+, behind Gladiator II but ahead of Sonic the Headgehog 3. |
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| >> Big Questions << |
| Who’s asking what this week? |
| Which TV presenter has been quietly exorcised from the show they’d fronted for years? They got busted shagging a member of the production team, which spooked the rest of the crew so much the presenter got canned. |
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| Hate your neighbours, but also hate spending money? Pick My Postcode is the UK’s FREE daily lottery. Over half of the UK’s postcodes are now registered, so your neighbours might win some money without you, if you don’t sign up now. Simply enter your postcode and check back daily. Over £1.5 million has been won so far, probably by your neighbours.
[Try Pick My Postcode here] |
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| >> In Vino Veritas << |
| Labour gals night out |
| Diane Abbott and a friend were spotted at All Good Beer in Hackney this week, enjoying a wine and a chinwag.
Diane nursed her one glass of wine for almost two hours, but luckily the chat was flowing more freely.
It mainly took the form of fierce bitching about Keir Starmer, all under the watchful eyes (and ears) of a very busy Thursday night crowd. |
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| The dentith will see you now: remember our old favourite Rutland dental practice Dentith and Dentith? Sadly Mr and Mrs Dentith have retired. But the good news is it’s now run by their daughter, Grace Dentith. |
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| >> Truss’d Up << |
| Fielding requests for comment |
| It’s rather modern to see a man resorting to try and sell his book via a kiss’n’tell about a more famous woman, so it’s a bit of a surprise to see it lapped up and regurgitated in that very un-modern publication, the Daily Mail.
(Although less of a surprise when it’s Tory ex-MP Mark Field talking about Liz Truss.)
The Mail has been running extracts from the book, The End Of An Era, focusing on his much reheated 20-year-old story of cheating on his first wife with Liz Truss (sample: “so, to the romantic, dimmed lights of early autumn on England’s self-styled Riviera… her manic energy was intoxicating, disconcerting and exhausting”).
Mark can thank his rather successful, rather pushy agent for the success he’s had getting this into the media… the second Mrs Field!
FYI: Politicians are different from normal folk: Liz’s love-gift to Mark? A copy of Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged. |
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| Anyone wondering what the worst party invite of the year so far might be? Wonder no more – on 2nd April there’s a double-header book launch for Mark Field AND the Daily Mail’s Andrew Pierce. (“they’ll both be there…”). |
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| >> Toilet Humour << |
| Four point seven star |
| Club Popbitch readers on Monday got the full explanation from Stedman from Five Star about his public indecency arrest in the 1990s.
Suffice to say here, the incident took place in a public toilet in New Malden.
But, like Stedman himself, the toilet is no more.
The building is now a community centre, where you can take music classes.
Something of a fitting tribute, but surely in Stedman’s honour it deserves a Five Star review rather than the current 4.7 stars it has on google. |
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At a loose end in the Cotswolds tonight? Minchinhampton Cotswold Club hosts a live Eastenders viewing to celebrate the Walford debut of a village resident, Mr Keith Allen, who will be doing a Q&A afterwards.
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>> Puck Off <<
No regretskys |
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| President Trump’s bullying of Canada has instigated a massive consumer campaign to boycott American goods and buy Canadian.
One piece of collateral damage is the reputation of the world’s greatest ice hockey player, Wayne Gretzky.
The former national hero has been swept up in the animosity because he’s been palling around with Trump, attended the inauguration, and identifies with the country he calls home over his birthplace.
Previously known as The Great One, Gretzky is now called The Great Once and you can see an increasing number of hockey shirts around bearing the name Regretzky.
The latest anti-Gretzky move has targeted his Canadian wine business. A Toronto prankster has substituted the official liquor store labels with fresh ones. The Wayne Gretzky Cabernet Merlot now says “Sad & Two-faced” – “Pair with boiled raccoon”, and the Pinot Grigio; “Weak & Backstabbery” – “Pair with broasted raccoon”. |
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| Pop culture lovers, don’t miss Three and a Half Minutes of Fame! A star-studded, music-filled memoir bringing the 90s to life — straight from the author’s voice.
[Listen here] |
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| >> Parlez-vous PR? << |
| All publicity is good publicity |
| There’s a pretty horrific murder trial going on in Manchester at the moment. A local man, Stuart Everett was sawn into 27 parts and buried in at least 19 different spots across the city; after which the alleged murderer spent the day shopping at the iconic shopping mall, the Trafford Centre.
The newsdesk at a local newspaper in Manchester picked up the phone to someone ringing in about Intu, the property developer behind the shopping centre.
Expecting an earful for allowing the Trafford Centre to be namechecked in the reporting, the journo’s heart sank. And indeed they were asked to make a correction.
The enterprising and polite young caller then made an unexpected request. “Instead of the Trafford Centre could you please always refer to it as the Intu Trafford Centre”. |
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| After last week’s Popbitch spot of Ronnie Wood in a pair of Rolling Stones shoes, we’ve had confirmation that he also sometimes carries a Rolling Stones backpack. |
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| >> Book Smart << |
| Read ’em and weep |
| Insiders tell us that the three new books which made the most noise last week being flogged around international publishers are:
1. The Dalai Lama’s “How to Think”
– “His holiness’ agent is hoping for an unholy advance”.
2. Adam Kay’s first novel – “A Particularly Nasty Case”.
– “Not a cosy read”.
3. MrBeast’s autobiography
– “Currently only two pages of fluff/proposal but assumes MrBeast fans do actually read” |
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| Dinosaur Jnr’s J Mascis lives in a house previously owned by Uma Thurman’s dad. |
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| >> Yawn Safari << |
| Pedestrian Celeb Spot of the Week |
| Join us on our quest to find the normiest, most sedate celeb spottings in the wild.
This week’s winner: Johnny Vegas, at Ickworth House, a National Trust property in Suffolk. “He was perusing the shop and wavering over buying some handcrafted pottery”.
Runner up: “David Davis drinks his tea with milk and four (FOUR) sugars”.
Think you can do better? Email us hello@popbitch.com No sight is too boring. (Probably). |
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| One of our own – Roisin Lanigan – is taking time off PB duties to launch her novel, I Want To Go Home But I’m Already There. A dark, funny ghost story. Out today.
[Order now] |
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| >> Hmmms << |
| Internet bright spots |
| Dua Lipa doing Highway to Hell
[Actually not bad]
Want to buy Paddy McGuinness’s mansion?
[Very lowkey]
Jane Birkin’s original Birkin sold for £199,000 at auction
[Bargain]
An attempt at an objective review of Disney’s latest gift to the culture war (“Not calamitous… but.. the story is cluttered, the tone is muddled, and the pacing is off).
[BBC on Snow White]
Drake is suing his own label, Universal, for defamation – marketing and distributing Kendrick’s Not Like Us.
[The latest]
Games are too long and complex for gamers
[Interesting report]
The average top 10 hit has shortened by 45 seconds since 2000, to just over three and a half minutes. Kudos to Yungblud, then, for this new single.
[Listen: at + 9 mins] |
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| Thanks to: C, AL, SS, CS, ML, CC, Majorbloodnok, DR, A, Henry Lucy, deep_stoat, EN, spudbunny |
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Old Jokes Home
Q: What do you call a horse that can’t lose a race?A: Sherbet.
Still Bored?
Presumably not as bored as the London vegetable orchestra, who recreated a Rick Astley classic on legumes.
[Watch and learn]
*** WhatsApp us your goss on +44 7923 619540. We’re also on Instagram and our DMs are open *** |
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