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“Pelé was one of the few who contradicted my theory: instead of 15 minutes of fame, he will have 15 centuries” – Andy Warhol |
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* Individual pube extraction
* Frozen Royal turds
* PLUS: A black puddin’ fer the dug |
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| >> RIPbitch 2022 << |
| A few parting gifts |
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It’s become tradition to end the year by remembering those we have lost and paying tribute to dead celebs the only way we know how: with some pointless trivia and a couple of weird stories.
So here’s a little selection of Popbituaries for a few of the famous faces who left us in 2022.
See you in 2023 x |
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| RIP Coolio: once proud owner of the incredible email address coolio[at]gangster[dot]com. |
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| >> Meat throat << |
| Pouring one last one out |
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AW writes:
“When I was working at Radio 2, Meat Loaf came in for a session. He asked if there was somewhere he could go to warm up his vocal cords so we let him use an adjacent studio up the corridor that was empty.
“Five minutes later he could be clearly seen through the glass gargling with a bottle of tequila. He was a lovely man and completely batshit crazy. RIP.” |
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| RIP William Hurt. Adrien Brody’s chihuahua Ceelo pissed all over him in a New York restaurant once, meaning William had to eat lunch in his underpants. |
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| >> Bowled over << |
| Shane the swordsman |
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The sudden death of Shane Warne had many people paying tribute to one of the great shaggers of our era. While many remain astonished that a guy as coarse as Warney could bag a refined beauty like Liz Hurley, it wasn’t the most audacious feat he ever pulled off.
Such was Shane’s legendary charm, he once managed to cop off with Ridley Scott’s girlfriend in the bogs at Russell Crowe’s wedding. |
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You can’t return a holiday! The Plum Guide cuts the crap, selecting only the best expert-vetted homes. Meaning? No rental fails.
[FIND OUT MORE] |
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| >> Cast away << |
| Farewell, Penis De Milo |
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One of the great legends of rock lore, Cynthia Albritton (a.k.a. Cynthia Plaster Caster) was famous for making moulds of rock stars’ erections. Her work first caught the world’s attention when she managed to capture Jimi Hendrix’s stiffy in plaster (her fourth casting overall; her first celebrity one).
Albritton always maintained that Hendrix was her best subject and he certainly helped her perfect her method. The original idea was that the celeb’s erect member would be plopped into wet alginate, the mould would set, and then – when natural droop set in – the man could safely withdraw.
Only things didn’t go exactly to plan with Hendrix. Cynthia hadn’t quite budgeted for his bush and had applied the lube quite sparsely – meaning she then had to spend 15 minutes extracting each individual pube from the alginate impression. Which made him late to the stage that night. |
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| Cynthia didn’t just cast rock stars’ cocks. She cast rock stars’ tits too. Among the racks she immortalised: Lætitia Sadier from Stereolab, Karen O from the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, and Peaches. |
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| >> Chips away << |
| A full commemorative plate |
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There have been plenty of touching tributes to Robbie Coltrane since the big man popped off, but he’d already achieved the ultimate tribute a famous person can earn in life: getting a chip shop to name a meal in their honour.
An off-menu item at the Edinburgh chippy L’Alba D’Oro was the ‘Robbie Coltrane’ – an order that consisted of two fish suppers doused in salt and vinegar, two pickled onions and a black pudding “fer the dug”.
Staff then watched on in astonishment as Robbie sat outside in his car and polished off the lot – with no sign of any dog. |
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| RIP Taylor Hawkins: As well as playing in the Foo Fighters, Taylor used to play ELO and Yes covers weekly in a band called Chevy Metal. |
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| >> Hall of famer << |
| The legendary Go-Go blo-jo |
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Terry Hall was the star of an early Popbitch legend and Big Question: “Which member of the Go-Gos did Terry Hall say gave the best blowjobs ever?”
The answer was Jane Wiedlin, and Jane was kind enough to confirm as much for a reader who once asked her about it.
Her comment, for the record, was: “Knowing Terry Hall, I would think that I was the only one he ever got. So that means I must be the best, yes!” |
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| Terry Hall’s obituaries were fittingly glowing but sub-editors weren’t always quite so attentive when he was alive. When Terry made a rare live appearance on stage with Tricky, the event was memorialised in the Evening Standard with a big photo of… Jerry Hall. |
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| >> Present tense << |
| Gifts that keep giving |
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Usually if a star name goes to the trouble of getting leaving gifts for their supporting cast at the end of a West End run, they’ll get a job lot of one thing and then dish out the same gift to everyone on the payroll. Not Darius though.
On the last night of his run as Billy Flynn in Chicago, he handed out unique individual presents to every last member of the cast and crew. They were all so touched by this gesture that they chose to overlook the fact that some of the gifts still had handwritten tags attached to them – addressed to Darius and signed by his adoring fans… |
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Whether getting ready for Dry January or just giving yourself some New Year’s drinking options – stock up on Lucky Saint’s superior alcohol-free lager – with 20% off. Just use code POPNYE at luckysaint.co on one-off purchases or subscriptions.
[Buy here] |
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| >> Breast intentions << |
| The milk of human weirdness |
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Farewell to Kirstie Alley, star of one of the finest Hollywood junket stories of all time.
Kirstie once had to interrupt a press event for her 1990 movie, Sibling Rivalry, because the pet possum she’d brought along with her was squeaking. The poor thing was hungry but she hadn’t brought anything to feed it with, so asked one of the production PRs who had just returned from maternity leave if she’d mind feeding it instead. With her breast milk.
Even more weird? The PR obliged. |
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| RIP Olivia Newton John, reunited with her grandfather – who was BFFs with Albert Einstein. |
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| >> Alien messages << |
| Aaron’s tourbus mangina |
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Canadian electro star Peaches is known for her outrageous, mad art but even she was a little weirded out by her 2004 tourbus.
The previous occupants had been the Backstreet Boys and throughout her tour she kept discovering small stickers all over the bus. Dozens of them had been dotted on top of the cupboards, inside drawers, underneath the table etc – all with messages about Aaron Carter on them.
Messages like “Aaron Carter has a mangina”. And “Aaron Carter sucks alien cock”. |
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| RIP Ivana Trump: Once famously quoted in the New York Times as saying she bought 6,000 bras every six months from Bloomingdales. A claim that sounds perfectly Trumpish – but she actually said ‘six dozen’. The reporter just struggled with her Czech accent. |
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| >> Queen shit << |
| The jobs she left behind |
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There were all sorts of trinkets and tat made to commemorate the passing of the Queen, but some Popbitch readers have told us about extra special royal mementos they know of – the type that money can’t buy…
* Someone who once worked at the West Yorkshire Playhouse claims to have salvaged a short curly hair from the toilet that Liz used during a visit many years ago, keeping it in a matchbox and showing it to guests at parties.
* There’s a story from the RAF about the Queen’s reserved loo in her 32nd Squadron jet. It’s said that ground crew once pumped the cistern with liquid oxygen instead of the usual disinfectant. The outcome: a perfectly preserved frozen Royal turd that went on display in the crew room.
* A reader’s father, once aboard the Royal Yacht Britannia as a guest of the former Sultan of Oman, says he ended up drinking with the crew late that night and was told that they kept one of the Queen’s poos in a jar on the back bar. |
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1 in 53 people are homeless in London. They need our help now more than ever as the Cost of Living Crisis continues. Support the work of The Connection and help them move people off the streets and in to a place to call home.
[Support The Connection] |
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| >> Hmmms << |
| A few final tributes |
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Gilbert Gottfried reading the lyrics to WAP
[RIP & NSFW]
RIP Leslie Jordan, hearing the lyrics to WAP for the first time
[Watch on Instagram]
What happened in newsrooms on the day the Queen died?
[Read on GQ]
A monkey killed in a drug shootout in Mexico has been given its own tribute ballad
[Read on VICE]
RIP to rapper Goonew who attended his own funeral afterparty, Weekend At Bernie’s style, when organisers brought his embalmed corpse to a nightclub to enjoy one last show
[Read on The Daily Beast]
A brief reminder of the mural painted in Shane Warne’s Melbourne home
[The ultimate dinner party] |
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| Thanks to: camp_old_nonsense, intheissynoho, JS, AW, boab |
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Old Jokes Home
The Queen’s surviving corgis have been be sent to live with an internationally renowned groomer.
Prince Andrew.
Still Bored?
RIP Guy LaFleur: Canadian hockey hero and unlikely popstar, who once released an album of him narrating hockey training advice to disco music…
[Listen to LaFleur!] |
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