The Plop Thickens

Armie Hammer has been speaking out about how he’s now broke after losing his career in a cloud of sexual assault accusations. It echoes a pretty similar interview Kevin Spacey gave earlier in the year about how poor he is now as a result of his cancellation.

But they can’t be doing that badly. The pair of them were seen out dining in London this week with a gaggle of security and other hangers-on.

Where? Where else… The Groucho Club!

Harry Maguire is getting a lot of online support to be reinstated as Man Utd club captain after a video of him greeting all the Man Utd academy kids did the rounds this week. But if being an all-round good guy is the qualification, it would be a huge mistake to remove incumbent Bruno Fernandes.

Remember at the end of last season, the new Man Utd bosses decided they weren’t going to do the usual thing of paying for club staff to attend the FA Cup final, nor put on a club party to celebrate their appearance?

One person who was absolutely horrified at this snub to the loyal backroom staff, tea ladies, kitmen, stewards (etc) was Bruno Fernandes. So he went to the club offering to pay for everything – and everyone – out of his own pocket.

His offer was rebuffed, as the club didn’t want him to make them look bad.

Which celebrity loudmouth was living it up at Wimbledon last week, enjoying lavish treatment in a box – yet, come tip-time, appeared to leave the servers who waited on him hand-and-foot diddly squat?

The Hamptons set still haven’t settled down on the Goop-poop story. The one piece missing from it all so far has been the motive. What would make Gwyneth turn on a houseguest like that? Why was she so happy to hang a friend out to dry – alongside all that devastated bed-linen?

Well, East Coast tattle-tales are now saying it’s revenge. Gwyneth had heard Derek was the source of a scurrilous rumour that’s been dogging her husband, Brad Falchuk. So aired his dirty laundry by way of payback.

As for the Ozempic bit, that mostly appears to have been pushed along by Jessica Seinfeld – who very much sees herself as a linchpin between the Hamptons and Hollywood sets, taking great relish in explaining the situation to anyone who asks.

Ever since Xi Jinping started censoring mentions of Winnie The Pooh on China’s internet (mad about memes people made comparing the two of them) Chinese citizens have struggled to get any decent bear-based laughs at the expense of world leaders.

Until now.

Weibo users have spent the week likening Donald Trump to famous Chinese panda, Abao. Abao is well-known over there because – owing to a bit of a run-in he had with another panda – he too has a chunk of his ear missing.

If you were one of the people worried that all the Tory big beasts who recently lost their seats were going to be offered plum media jobs the second they left Parliament – you can relax.

It seems media execs are still mostly obsessed with giving plum jobs to the Tory big beasts still in situ.

Spotted haunting the LBC studios for a demo this week? Suella Braverman.

Brat summer has been working out well for the girlies so far, but it’s tougher out there for the brat boys.

Joffrey from Game Of Thrones (aka Jack Gleeson) was at the Hackney Chinese Community Services barbecue on Saturday. There, he entered the mahjong tournament.

Then left very shortly afterwards, having presumably taken a pasting from an old Chinese lady in his first game.

Trevor Horn has been telling a story at gigs recently about one of his daughter’s old classmates. She attended the same private school as one of Boris Johnson’s sons.

The two kids were friendly, but it was still a bit of a surprise for Trevor when he came home one day to find Boris’s son not just in his house, but in Trevor’s bedroom. Lying on his bed.

Mercifully, he was clothed and Trevor’s daughter was nowhere to be seen – but Trevor still turfed him out.

The following week at the school gates, Trevor went over to Boris to mention this bizarre little intrusion. He said, “Your son was in my house last week.”

To which Boris simply replied, “You didn’t give him any drugs, did you?”

Sony’s global troubles are rumbling back into gear again. After notorious exec Denis Handlin’s scandal exploded in Australia a few years back, it’s now Sony Germany’s turn to undergo a little skeleton/closet clear-out.

A number of letters have gone in to global company head Rob Stringer about the conduct of German boss Daniel Lieberberg. He stands accused of fostering a terrible atmosphere in the Berlin offices, of being “choleric”, “hysterical”, “disrespectful” and “uncontrolled” with staff – alongside reports of him demeaning employees and kissing women unsolicited.

An investigation is underway.

Meanwhile, everything must be sunshine and smiles over here at Sony UK. It’s just been announced Jason Iley MBE will be awarded the Music Industry Trusts Award later this year.

Ainsley Harriott recently attended a rather lavish tasting menu dinner, alongside some other famous telly presenters, food writers and journalists. When one of the dishes arrived, Ainsley very discreetly offered his portobello mushroom to anyone else at the table.

Asked if he didn’t like mushrooms, he replied that he did, “but they don’t like me.”

And then went on to explain – much less discreetly – how he was convinced a portobello mushroom had caused him to develop a fungal infection on his foot once. He’s sworn off them ever since.

Want to stay in Prince’s house from Purple Rain?
[Here’s the listing]

Pop melodies are getting simpler and more repetitive
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Headline Of The Week: “Uttlesford Councillors Ban Jodie Marsh From Keeping Lemurs After She Took Meerkat And Owl To Pub”
[Read on Bishop’s Stortford Independent]

How brands turned Roblox into a tedious corporate hellhole
[Read on the Guardian]

Some squeaky otter pup content
[Watch on IG]

146 Questions with Jordan from Rizzle Kicks
[Read on The Fence]