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“I sat through an entire series called Selling Tampa. I don’t even really know where Tampa is” – Vick Hope |
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* Sleeping in the horsebox
* More media muckspreading
* PLUS: Shifty’s special ring |
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>> Vile smears << |
Don’t wear white before Labor Day |
It’s not all shits and giggles for New York’s upper crust as they head to the Hamptons for the summer season. It’s mostly just shits.
For the last few weeks the Hamptons set’s favourite piece of gossip to text to each other has regarded a scandal at the home of Gwyneth Paltrow. The story goes that a recent houseguest of Gwynnie’s catastrophically shat themselves in bed while staying there, then fled back to the city before they had to face the music.
Gwynnie’s guest won’t be the only shitter in the Hamptons this year. Ozempic-induced diarrhoea is becoming a very hot topic of conversation between hosts there – because so many of their guests are using it. So expect laundrettes to be fully booked from July 4th. |
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The first people in the queue for this year’s Glastonbury travelled over 5,700 miles from Korea. To see Coldplay. |
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>> Tenannt’s extra << |
How not to hide in public |
Now that he’s incurred the ire of both the outgoing and incoming governments, David Tennant might want to up his disguise game. He was spotted this week trying to shield himself from public attention by wearing an old baseball cap, chunky glasses and doing a weird half-gurn thing to stick out his jaw.
The overall effect might have worked, were it not undermined by one small detail. Him holding hands with his very recognisable celebrity wife – who made no attempt at a disguise. |
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Love MIA? Hate 5G? Good news! She’s released an entire range of high-end conspiracy clothing – from bouji tin foil hats to potency protection boxer shorts. |
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>> Big Questions << |
Who’s asking what this week? |
Which comedian has been asking around friends and associates for their tips on first-time bum fun? Their celebrity boyfriend is apparently eager to get stuck in. |
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Ever wondered what would happen if Cirque Du Soleil and Punchdrunk had a baby, and that baby went to an all-night rave? Find out as FUERZA BRUTA, the world’s hottest aerial and dance spectacular, comes to the Roundhouse this summer. Join the party with exclusive £25* Early Bird tickets for Popbitches (*Book by 30th June)
[Info and tickets here] |
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>> Boxed out << |
Ben’s unwise horseplay |
Next week feels like the week to go all-out on politics, but a little Tory story to tide you over.
Former Defence Secretary Ben Wallace had himself quite the adventure at the Cheltenham Festival. After enjoying about as much refreshment as his system could handle and more, he turned up at the house of Mike and Zara Tindall.
He clearly took quite a shine to Zara as he was lavishing her with a lot of attention.
So much so that a very unimpressed Mike Tindall carried him out to one of their horse boxes, bundled him in and told him to sleep it off. |
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Headline Of The Week: “I Paid £7.60 To Chat To My Dead Dad On AI – It Was Nothing Like Him, He Said England Were Terrible” (The Sun) |
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>> Legal/Reform << |
A tale of two Nigels |
We were interested to see Nigel Farage hiring the devil’s own law firm, Carter-Ruck, to respond to the Mail on Sunday’s story that claimed Farage was personally “infected with Putinism”.
While Farage doesn’t look out of place on Carter-Ruck’s client list (The Church Of Scientology, Simon Cowell, Chelsea FC, Qatar, etc) we’re not sure they’re the best firm to hire if you’re looking to scrub the taint of Putin.
Not least because, Carter-Ruck head honcho Nigel Tait was specifically named in the House of Commons in 2022 as one of the “amoral” lawyers in the profession aiding Russian interests in the UK courts at the expense of British citizens. |
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Fans at Taylor Swift’s Wembley Arena show on Saturday broke the record for most mobile data use at a concert: 5.57TB. |
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>> Steed poll << |
A horse by many names |
After it was revealed he kept a Monaco tax account in his dog Rosie’s name, you’d have thought Harry Redknapp would have stopped mixing animals up in his financial paperwork. But no. Seems like he’s still at it.
Harry has been a keen racehorse owner for decades and can often get tempted into buying into another horse by a friendly trainer or fellow celebrity owner.
Keen to keep harmony at home, Harry has sometimes chosen to downplay his racing commitments. But when multiple invoices for stable fees kept arriving at the house in the names of a number of different horses, Mrs Redknapp started asking questions.
His attempt to wriggle out of it? By claiming racehorses had to change their name every year, so that’s why it looked like he owned so many. |
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Frank Skinner insists that MCs never introduce him onstage as Mr Frank Skinner. Apparently the word “mister” drives him off the deep end. |
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>> Muckspreading << |
Yet more media filth |
Another month, another media office being terrorised by a mystery crapper. Over the last few weeks, someone has been curling out turds on the top of the toilet seat lids at the Daily Mail’s NY offices – leaving them for some unlucky sod to find later.
The passive-aggressive all-staff email that went out to remind employees of the importance of personal hygiene in the restrooms to prevent their fellow colleagues from getting sick clearly didn’t do the job.
So now signs have now gone up inside every cubicle to remind employees that leaving faeces on the lids of the loos is “inconsiderate” and “unacceptable”. |
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Bu Hong was originally crafted to help to lessen the symptoms of Asian Flush Syndrome, but its delicious recipe also happens to be wheat-free, gluten-free, vegan and low alcohol (1.2%ABV) + nootropics. The result? A refreshing premium beer at ** 27 calories per can **. Popbitches get 10% off with code POPSUMMER10.
[Don’t Fear Beer with Bu Hong] |
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>> Shifty tricks << |
RIP Mr Shellshock |
We’ve had quite a few tributes sent in to mark the passing of Shifty Shellshock from Crazy Town.
Someone who once toured with Shifty (a.k.a. Seth) found him to be a very sweet, kind and funny person – with a little naughty streak. His favourite prank on tour? Trying to find ways to discreetly slip a ring onto the fingers of the crew.
Not an engagement one. A cock one. |
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When Shifty heard that local women were planning to boycott a show they were booked to play at Birmingham Uni at the height of their Butterfly fame, he listened to their concerns. Then cancelled the live lady mud wrestlers he’d booked to share the stage with. |
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>> School daze << |
65, going on 70 |
Simon Le Bon returned to his old primary school in North London last week for its 70th anniversary party. Naturally, he was swamped by huge swathes of the female alumni, all asking for selfies – but the experience wasn’t a complete ego massage.
Not only did the headteacher introduce Simon to the crowd as being “almost 70” (he’s 65), but he was snipped out of the entertainment portion of proceedings.
The current crop of pupils treated the other celebrity guest in attendance – Michael Rosen – to a very spirited performance of one of his poems. They did not extend the same honour to the Duran Duran back catalogue however – instead choosing to sing ‘The Lion Sleeps Tonight’. |
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Best bit of advice in the Popbitch inbox this week? “Never play Sade or Alison Moyet at pool. They will wipe the floor with you.” Know any other good celebrity pool sharks? hello@popbitch.com |
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>> Bad news << |
A stalled update |
NewsUK had a big strategic update meeting booked in on Tuesday. Different bosses were all due to call in; Rebekah Brooks was there to open proceedings, etc.
Sadly, it was plagued by so many technical problems that the whole thing was abandoned after 15 minutes. While many people complained they were unable to hear the speaker, they had no trouble hearing the stern off-screen voices grumbling “What a nightmare”.
That, plus all the open laughter in the newsroom. |
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[Join the club] |
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Thanks to: RL, GW, babs, AP, PK, E, JB, ML, K, obv_anon, AS, OH, BW, BK, K, wienerbalcony, BS |
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Old Jokes Home
Q/ How many narcissists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A/ None, they use gaslighting
Still Bored?
Play Super Mario – the typewriter edition
[By tinybookshelf] |
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