The Daily Tonic: Vaginal Chemistry

Thanks for all your suggestions for celebrity autobiographies. Our book list is now heaving and we’ve included a handful of reader recommendations below if you want to join in. Now though, we want to know about famous people’s family trees.

Today’s Question: Do you know any celebrity relatives who are nice/fun/weird/good for a gossip? Siblings, kids, parents, odd uncles, etc…

Send your stories to us at hello@popbitch.com and we’ll dish out some goody bundles to the best ones.

MG writes:
“I was given David Hasselhoff’s autobiography ‘Making Waves’ as a birthday present back when I was in uni. It is, as you would expect, a cracking read which paints a very egotistical portrait of the man. Every success in his life (Baywatch, Knight Rider) is entirely the result of his own hard work and spot-on decisions while the blame for his failures (Baywatch Nights, his marriage) is laid solely at the feet of others. He even seems to take credit for the fall of the Berlin Wall due to having played a concert there.

“The highlight for me though was a section around him meeting Princess Diana, where he tells us she was flirting with him and they probably would have slept together if the circumstances were different. He then claims he prayed to her after hearing of her death so that he’d have good weather at his concert. She obliged, thankfully.”

AS writes:
“I can only assume Angie Bowie was being set up by her ghostwriter, because at one point she pretty much claims to have invented oral sex. Also the mullet.

“The stand-out, though, is when David claims he’s become allergic to her vaginal chemistry, demonstrating with a rash that looks like someone’s taken a cheese grater to his old chap. Which, by that point in the book, the reader may consider a legitimate tactic to get away from Angie.”

bad_horsey writes:
“Mike Oldfield’s autobiography isn’t exactly a page turner, unless you’re into the minutiae of how Tubular Bells was recorded. But there are a few good stories related to Mike going a bit mad when all the money started coming in.

“At some point in 70s, a customer in a country pub in Gloucestershire was only a little surprised to find a furry head on her lap, since the pub was popular with dog walkers. The screaming started a few moments later when she looked down and realised that the head didn’t belong to a dog; it was actually Clyde, Mike Oldfield’s pet lion, which he’d let off the leash whilst getting pissed in the corner.

“He’d bought it on impulse but, after this incident, he was advised by all and sundry that keeping an apex predator as a house pet wasn’t perhaps the smartest move. So he called up Richard Branson, asking if he wanted a lion. Thinking it was another of Oldfield’s pranks, he said yes.

“Cue further hysterics when a one-year old lion turns up in the reception of Virgin’s London offices…”

PB writes:
“When Rodney Marsh fell foul of HMRC and ended up with fines/penalties/interest he was amazed at how much the HMRC investigator seemed to know about the various deals and money spinners he had done (but not disclosed to HMRC).

“It turned out that the investigator was a massive Rodney Marsh fan and had just read his autobiography.”

In keeping with the theme, today’s ten tracks are all connected – some tenuously, some painfully obviously – to the literary world. Some are songs based on books, some became the titles of books, some are fictional character names, some just have the word ‘story’ in them. It’s a bit of a mixed bag.

Still, you get a point for identifying each artist and a point for each song. So have at it.

[Twenty points in total]

We got dozens of recommendations for Ed “Stewpot” Stewart and Don Estelle’s autobiographies – mostly drawing our attention to these blogs
[Ed Stewart]
[Don Estelle]

Headline of the week: “Man Jailed After Repeatedly Calling Police To Complain Ant McPartlin Was On TV”
[Read on Independent]

Verka Serduchka x Cardi B = WAV
[Hear on Soundcloud]