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“I walk around every day with a radio playing constantly in my head, and this radio station plays a lot of hits” – R Kelly
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|_| |_|03.09.15 ISSUE 752
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Email stories hello@popbitch.com
* Fatman Scoop’s sex education
* Jobs for the boys’ dads
* Charts: Bieber’s first no.1?
>> Another take <<
Let me re-entertain you
Maybe you saw Robbie Williams’ recent tweet of desperation? The photo of him, backstage at the O2 with the three remaining members of Take That – branded with the hashtag #letmebackin?
Looks like his public begging has been rewarded. Word is that preparations are underway for the fourth iteration of Take That.
Barlow, Donald, Owen… and Williams!
Gruesome Twosome: There are some horrible, horrible rumours doing the rounds that Rupert Murdoch’s new squeeze is… Jerry Hall.
>> Shaken Bacon <<
Great taste in tunes
Richard Bacon would have made a better drivetime host for Radio X than Johnny Vaughan, but we have a feeling we know why he didn’t get the gig. A Popbitch reader told us they saw Bacon rocking out (“with no rhythm whatsoever”) to Joan Osborne’s 1995 single One of Us, loudly declaring “This is the BEST song!”
With taste like that, how could Bacon keep pace with dadrock DJ luminaries like Moylesie and Vernon Kay?
FYI: Vaughan’s just been spotted on holiday in Sardinia, “gobbing off in the restaurant at the top of his voice, much to the annoyance of everyone else.”
Ashley Tabor (boss of Global Radio – which owns Capital/Radio X) used to share a flat with new Radio X breakfast host Chris Moyles.
>> Big Questions <<
Who’s asking what this week?
The failure of which latest big-screen remake of a classic TV show has been blamed on bad casting choices? Studio execs have been pointing fingers at one actor in particular, saying his inability to act wasn’t even their biggest problem. It was the rate at which he hoovered up gak.
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>> Merked, bruv <<
Just not enough muff
Cradle To Grave, the new comedy series based on Danny Baker’s memoirs starts on BBC2 tonight.
There’s a scene in it where a young Danny and sister go and see a 70s musical, obviously based on Hair, in which everyone starts dancing naked on stage.
Only problem was, most of the extras hired for the show didn’t have the requisite exuberant 70s style pubic hair, so they were given pubic wigs to wear.
Take a look to see if you can spot the fakes.
R Kelly has written 462 songs for his new album. (Which, unrelatedly, is 51 songs for each person listed on the UK’s sperm bank register.)
>> Hot Scoop <<
Fatman and wife
Nice to see Fatman Scoop on television. We’ve had our fingers crossed for years that he’d get the chance to shine on TV – as his sex advice web series ‘Man And Wife’ is some of the internet’s greatest viewing.
Whether he’s giving advice on how to finger your wife, using a melon as a prop; whether it’s drawing out a sixty-nine like it’s an American football playbook; or whether he’s giving advice to women who get chewing gum stuck in their pubic hair, Scoop is a sex guru second to none. So we collected together some of our favourite moments to share with you…
Thom Yorke has been holidaying in Ravello, showing off his new bird to other holidaymakers with some fairly public displays of yoga.
>> On the Rox <<
This is how Rumers start
Rumer Willis was supposed to start playing Roxie Hart in Chicago last month, but her debut has been delayed until mid-September. Some Broadway insiders wonder if this delay might prove ongoing as the largely untrained celebrity is said to be having problems with the dance routines.
And the songs.
And the singing and dancing together.
None of this is helped by the punishing rehearsal routines playing havoc with her body. All in all it’s looking a little Martine McCutcheon.
Major Tim Laurence (Princess Anne’s husband) spotted at Green Park tube popping some money into a busker’s guitar case.
>> Ronanism <<
Secrets of a silent storm
It was nice to see Ronan Keating’s wedding to Australian TV producer Storm Uechtritz in the pages of Hello! last week as the lovebirds already have such a long shared history together.
Ronan’s divorce may only have come through in May but he and Storm were already so close back in 2010 that she helped him through that difficult time after his affair with the backing dancer when he was estranged from his wife. And, even though she too was also married at the time, she was very willing to devote time to help him get through the period following when he got his then-wife Yvonne to pose for endless magazine shoots and interviews about how they were trying to reconcile.
Storm is a pretty cool name, but there have been suggestions her birth name was actually Sharon.
>> Thin and Kiss-py <<
Paul’s pizza the action
Paul Stanley from Kiss has a strange addiction – to pre-made pizza dough. He loves the stuff so much that staff at his local Trader Joe’s have been keeping tabs on the amount he buys.
His current record is 24 packets in one purchase.
He also has a pro-tip for anyone who asks him about proving the dough. He’ll tell you to ignore the instructions on the packet. They say to leave the dough out for half an hour; but Paul Stanley recommends you leave it out for two hours. That’s how you get that proper ‘New York’ bite. Apparently.
Has a celebrity given you their slightly mundane but actually–quite–useful domestic tips?
Email us: hello@popbitch.com
The first Eurovision rumour sent in to us? Olly Murs for UK 2016…
>> Father figures II <<
Jobs for the boys’ dads
A few weeks ago we mentioned that the sneaky new way that football agents were getting top players to sign for them was by employing their dads.
Doyen Global signed Calum Chambers this summer (a few weeks after his stepdad got a job with them), but the
practice also seems to be happening at 10Ten Talent where Jack Wilshere is a client. They also have Jack’s dad AND his brother on their payroll.
Eurovision swingers Electro Velvet postponed crowdfunding their new EP after just 91 people signed up.
>> Pearls from Dean <<
Worst named dog gets sequel
A few weeks back someone told us Dean Gaffney was going back to EastEnders, so we stuck it in here as a quick fact. Cue an irate BBC press office ringing up to complain we’d broken an embargo. An embargo we knew nothing about.
The main complaint was that the Sun had promised to go big on this “exclusive” but wouldn’t now that everyone already knew.
Security has obviously been tightened up, as the Sun had another Gaffney exclusive this week that we weren’t able to spoil. The big news? His character has a new dog, called Wellard Two. (“There was a tinge of sadness that he would not have his trusty sidekick. He may not have the same dog, but hopefully Wellard Two will go some way to filling that void.”)
Exactly the kind of dynamite story that news embargoes were created for.
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THE POPBITCH POPQUIZ – NEXT TUESDAY Join us on Tuesday 8th Sept at Smiths of Spitalfields. Trivia, gossip, music and madness. Entry: 5GBP. Win great prizes. Reserve your table – buy tickets here:
http://bit.ly/1UEzPKs
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>> Hmmms <<
Beer, Kanye, Mods
Science says that Shake It Off was a big hit for the same reason Stewart Lee is so successful:
http://bit.ly/1LNvznU
Songwriter’s perspective on PRS v Soundcloud:
http://bit.ly/1FlbNeH
Grab your ‘West/Swift 2020’ T-shirts quick, before Taylor Swift has them all pulled and set on fire:
http://etsy.me/1XkpOoc
What happens to your luggage at the airport?
http://bit.ly/1JDBAD1
The tropical house sound is EVERYWHERE right now. Kygo has been giving the treatment to fellow Norwegian stars a-ha, with a Caribbean re-working of Take On Me:
http://bit.ly/1LNCGN7
Catch the mod bug with this compilation curated by Eddie Piller of Acid Jazz records:
http://bit.ly/1UoP6m1
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Thanks to: monstris, 7zark7, B, NH, celtiagirl, CS, MF, RI, BL, raymondmarble
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Old Jokes’ Home:
Q/ What do cannibals eat?
A/ Baked beings
Still Bored?
18 years on and still no-one has questioned Morrissey on his obvious involvement in the death of Diana:
http://www.dianamystery.com/
