*************************************
Join five of the world’s finest travel writers for an evening of tales of travel, exploration and adventure. 12th Oct, London SW1. 15% off with code POPBITCH: http://bit.ly/2d6n1B1
*************************************
“When I think of Margot Robbie, a single word comes to mind: Audrey Hepburn” – Jerry Weintraub, producer
POPBITCH _ _ _ _
_ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__
| ‘_ \ / _ \| ‘_ \| ‘_ \| | __/ __| ‘_ \
| |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |
| .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_|
|_| |_|22.09.17 ISSUE 802
Free email every week
Subscribe http://eepurl.com/XSZoP
Email stories hello@popbitch.com
* Bye bye, Brangelina
* Cameron’s swine of enquiry
* Charts: Chainsmokers still no 1
>> Carpet bombing <<
Boom and bust with Angelina
If Angelina decides to hop back on the dating circuit, she’s really going to have to work on her party talk.
A journalist who worked the red carpet for the premiere of Alexander remembers asking a quick question of all the cast: “What would you do if you ruled the world?”
Colin Farrell told a filthy joke about rulers being 12 inches. Val Kilmer and the rest of the cast all gave snappy, funny answers. And Angelina? She gave the reporter a 10 minute lecture on the danger of landmines.
George Galloway recently visited Legoland using 2-for-1 vouchers his wife saved from cereal boxes.
>> Reefer Bradness <<
One from the popbitch vaults
JB writes:
“I was a runner for a film that Brad Pitt was starring in. I was told to collect him and co-star Harrison Ford and take them on set. I open the door to Pitt’s trailer and stick my head in, calling out ‘Mr. Pitt?’. I get about two steps in and I see Brad Pitt smoking a HUGE joint.
“He asks me if I want to finish the joint with him and passes it to me, warning me to go easy as it’s strong. 21 year-old me tries to be cool so sucks down some giant lungfuls. Four minutes later I can’t even move.
“Brad eventually asks if I’m OK. I have to say I’m not. Brad tells me not to worry, to chill out in the trailer for a while, and that he’ll take my little buggy and collect Harrison Ford. He’ll just say on set that he sent me off to do an errand for him.”
Andrea McLean off Loose Women blames the breakdown of her first marriage on her husband’s inability to make cauliflower cheese.
>> Big Questions <<
Who’s asking what this week?
Which posh British actor is so keen to prove his eco-greenness that he has a strict policy of only flushing his home toilet once a day (solid or liquid); a policy which he adheres to even if he has guests visiting?
*************************************
Why have 30,000 men binned their old razor and switched to Shavekit? Because it’s a better shave, for less. Try it from just one pound by using promo code SKSTART: http://bit.ly/1UgUBNH
*************************************
>> Great British Break-off <<
The way the cookie crumbles
So Mary Berry leaves Bake Off. It seems that Love Productions couldn’t have played a worse hand with their team. GBBO crew claim that on the day the Channel 4 transfer was announced Mary spent the whole day working with the producers – and they didn’t mention a thing about it to her. They left her to hear it on the news like everyone else.
And, if Mary’s departure isn’t bad enough news for GBBO fans, want to know the names currently circulating as being in the frame to replace Mel and Sue?
Gok Wan and Alan Carr.
FYI: Mary Berry turned down a fee of 7 million to go to C4.
DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince didn’t actually produce their biggest hit, Summertime. It was produced by The Outhere Brothers.
>> Boxing clever <<
More crackpot coincidence
Back in November, we pointed out the startling similarities between the campaigning style of Donald Trump and that of the (since deceased) crack-smoking ex-Mayor of Toronto, Rob Ford.
So it came as no surprise to us to see Donald sharing a stage with contentious boxing celebrity and convicted killer Don King 48 days before the election.
Because 48 days before the Toronto mayoral election, who was sharing a stage with Rob Ford? Why, it was contentious boxing celebrity and convicted rapist… Mike Tyson.
The last single that debuted in the Top 10 that didn’t feature Justin Bieber was Clean Bandit’s Tears – way back in June.
>> Atomic disaster <<
Kerry and the producers
Last year Lincoln hired a Gary Barlow lookalike to turn on the city Xmas lights. (Sadly owing to ill health he had to pull out, which meant they had to find a Gary Barlow lookalike lookalike to fill in for him.) But this
year they’ve managed to get Kerry Katona. The real one.
Kerry is doing panto this year in Lincoln and local newspaper reports suggest her fee is 50 grand. Let’s hope she gets it, as the last two companies to run Lincoln’s Theatre Royal have gone bust, with creditors still owed around half a million pounds.
But the new management might not fill Kerry with too much confidence. They are, in fact, the same people that ran the theatre before. Just using a new name.
*************************************
Get a SimplyCook trial box for one pound and cook restaurant quality meals at home! Receive four chef-designed recipe kits through your letterbox and enjoy new and exciting meals, for up to four people. Claim your one pound trial box here: http://bit.ly/2d28eEL
*************************************
>> Strippers or Sting? <<
It’s conference season again
“When we were teenagers in Dublin we said we’d never do naff stuff […] doing rubbishy things for money.” So said Bono, interviewed for Steve Jobs’ biography.
Good thing there’s absolutely nothing naff or rubbishy about U2’s upcoming gig on 5th October for customer-relationship firm Salesforce, when they play at their annual conference.
Elsewhere in corporate gig news, Sting and Gwen Stefani will be playing the Oracle OpenWorld Appreciation Event this week.
For those not keen on Oracle’s musical choices, some of San Francisco’s strip clubs are running their usual deal of offering free entry for any conference badge holders – largely in the hope of snaring another Oracle employee who will run up a $33,540 bill on the company card like someone did in 2013.
Props to the Canadian Mint employee in court, accused of smuggling $180K worth of gold up his arse. The judge on his case? Justice Peter Doody…
>> Uncut Price <<
Katie’s got a filthy mouth
Katie Price’s new autobiography is finally here after a year’s delay, while publishers carefully removed anything about a famous sports star who got all legal on her, and anything that might have antagonised her ex-husband and manager after she lost her huge court battle with them.
If you’re worried it’s going to be all tame as a result, don’t be. She’s not lost her ability to shock.
When a young journalist for Now magazine walked in to interview her about it recently, this is how KP greeted him:
“Sit on my lap, get your dick out, and I’ll suck it!”
Injured Man City captain Vincent Kompany’s breakfast cafe order? Quinoa porridge.
>> Production values <<
Chris Moyles: the new Cilla
Moyles is not only a twat to the execs at Global Radio, it seems he’s one to the staff and the other talent too.
You’ll maybe recall that Moyles replaced Jon Holmes on weekday breakfasts when XFM became Radio X. Holmes (now on weekends) sent his assistant producer, Con, to ask Moyles if he would record something for his show.
Moyles didn’t answer Con though. Instead, he turned and spoke to his own producer. Not to answer the question, but to say out loud that Con was annoying him.
The new Chairman of the Institute of Masters of Wine is… Jane Masters!
>> Porkie pies <<
Cameron’s swine of enquiry
It’s been one year this week since the rumour about David Cameron sticking his dick in the head of a dead pig did the rounds.
Cameron never threatened to sue Lord Ashcroft or Isabel Oakeshott for libel at the time, as it’s very rare for a sitting prime minister (or an MP, for that matter) to launch a legal challenge like that.
The statute of limitations for libel is one year, but it’s presumably just a coincidence that David Cameron (who is no longer PM) left his job as MP exactly 51 weeks after the pigfucking story surfaced.
Probably nothing for Ashcroft and Oakeshott to worry about though. It’s probably fine.
FYI Here’s what our lawyer had to say about it:
http://bit.ly/2d0vR2j
*************************************
On this week’s Media Masters podcast Buzzfeed Investigations Editor Heidi Blake talks behind the scenes of some of the biggest scandals. Listen: http://bit.ly/2d24vqW
*************************************
>> Hmmms <<
Kermit, skittles, otters
Looks like horsefucking is all the rage with zoophiles again:
http://bit.ly/2di3KcE
Skittles join Bird’s Custard, Esselte ringbinders and Pukka Pads as a brand with a very unfortunate association:
http://bit.ly/2cDJxN3
How to rig your house up to Pokemon Go in order to make your lights tell you stuff – a la Stranger Things:
http://bit.ly/2cn1LBq
Lewis Hamilton messing around with a tiger…
http://bit.ly/2cRHtE1
…a tiger from Hollywood’s favourite sham petting zoo:
http://thebea.st/2cIeD8f
************************************
Thanks to: deep_stoat, MR, EM, JF, opus, JM, PD, danceswithmustelids, SG, mikelush, JC, poshduckhunter,
GA, L, DD
************************************
Old Jokes Home:
My cardboard girlfriend fell apart when I ejaculated all over her.
I don’t think she was cut out for that kind of thing.
Still Bored?
Make Mark Ruffalo get his dick out:
http://savetheday.vote
