Preparing The Royal Growler

Long-standing affairs (“Riders”)
– Clare Kramer
– Julie Benz
– Kali Rocha
– Alexandra Breckinridge

One-off/short term shots (“Runners”)
– Alyson Hannigan
– Amy Adams
– Ashanti
– Rachel Bilson

Apparently he tried the old casting couch routine with Clea DuVall too, but she kicked him in the cock for his efforts. He still gave DuVall the part though as he was impressed by the way she handled herself.

But the prime movers in this transfer don’t seem to be Sanchez and his agent. Or even Pep Guardiola and Manchester City. It’s the rest of the Arsenal team. Sanchez has become so unpopular with his teammates that some of them have now made it very clear to club bosses that they want him out today.

One of them is stiffing the nanny, that much we know – but who?

We’ve spoken before about Katie’s money troubles and how she was extremely sluggish at paying costs for the huge court case she waged against Peter Andre and Claire Powell last year. What we didn’t say at the time was that she was actually facing an insolvency petition; in debt to the tune of about £2m (mainly in legal costs, but not solely).

She’s managed to stave off the debtors so far, but we really can’t see how a third divorce is going to help matters. Unless she’s got a very rich husband number four already lined up…

One night she kept booty calling him, but he was trying to put her off as he had friends over. In the end he got tired of the calls and, egged on by his buddies, he told her she could only come round if she “shaved her growler for him”.

Thinking that would be the end of it, Carling went back to his evening. The phone rang again.

“I’ve done it. Now can I come round?”

A pretty grim tactic, but what’s interesting is that ‘bitch’ is the word that Diana herself often chose to say when having her photo taken. She said she always found it left her mouth in a more alluring shape than saying ‘cheese’ did.

Despite all the good work she did clearing landmines, comforting AIDS patients and embarrassing the monarchy, Father Frank Gelli doesn’t think Diana made it to the Pearly Gates. In fact, he believes she’s probably still having her soul purified in purgatory, ascending the “Seven-Storey Mountain between Heaven and Earth” thanks to her many affairs.

Tough crowd, the clergy.

One of James’s contemporaries at Harvard used to clean dormitory bathrooms on campus to make some extra cash. He says that James’s bathroom was regularly the messiest he tended.

Her reply?

“Simple. He was hung like a fucking horse, darling”.

Strange and weirdly beautiful VR experiment with the new LCD Soundsystem
[Try and join in]

Australian judge rules that it’s not officially illegal to call Tony Abbott a cunt
[Read on Sydney Morning Herald]

A brief history of Despacito
[Read on Vulture]

Local news of the week
[Read on Eastbourne Herald]