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Help someone else get in the Xmas spirit this month. Buy lunch with all the trimmings for someone homeless in London. Donate 5GBP: http://bit.ly/1RzNjYd
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“You are not going to arrest me. I am an icon. I’m the Queen of Limerick” – Dolores O’Riordan
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|_| |_|17.12.15 ISSUE 767
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Email stories hello@popbitch.com
* Firewalk with Botney
* Miley’s ten grand toilet
* Charts: Bieber v Louisa for No 1
>> Piers pressure <<
How the media works, pt 893
When Piers Morgan was at CNN, whispers got around that he was conducting some extensive after-hours meetings with a woman from the UN.
A dossier filled with dates, emails and photos ended up at the Sun. The story was all but written, so why hasn’t hide nor hair been seen of it in the paper?
The only reason that people can think of is that it must have been spiked by someone, somewhere – and fingers are pointing at News UK supremo Rebekah Brooks.
Given that she extended the same courtesy to Piers’ arch nemesis, Jeremy Clarkson, buying up paparazzi photos of him and his lady friend, she couldn’t be seen to be playing favourites now, could she?
More than $30 billion has been spent on Star Wars merchandise since 1977.
>> Katie’s million <<
The real Price of fame
As we predicted, Katie Price settled her issues with Peter Andre and Claire Powell this week, so there’ll be no trial in January.
Katie had already settled with former friend Jamelah Asmar. That will cost her around 600k, and Peter and Claire were represented by Leveson Inquiry smoothie David Sherborne, so we can only imagine how much Katie ends up being stung for in total.
Still, believe us when we say we’re pretty sure that shelling out around a million quid is a much better deal for Katie than what would have happened if it had gone to court.
Worst quote from the ‘Dr’ Neil Fox judgement? “I had a dream about you last night and woke up with a big, sweaty hard-on”.
>> Big Questions <<
Who’s asking what this week?
The Kardashians did much for LGBT acceptance in 2015, so why are rumours swirling that the klan is pressuring one of the family to keep quiet about their sexual orientation?
Maybe they’re just trying to save some headlines for 2016?
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Spa gift vouchers make the perfect Xmas present. Travelzoo have a great range of spas, across the UK: http://bit.ly/1YkOFWB
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>> National Nigel <<
Farage: always independent
Nigel Farage has always made a point of saying how proud he is to fight against the political status quo – and it seems he started doing so at an early age.
Someone who was at Dulwich College with him tells us that they remember Nigel getting interested in the sixth form mock elections.
Obviously there was no UKIP for him to represent back then – and he couldn’t very well lend his support to one of those establishment parties that he hates so much. So who did his schoolmate claim Nige considered representing?
Well, the BNP had just been established that year…
Channel 4 News reported that Nigel Farage was deemed by some teachers as “too right-wing” to be a prefect.
>> Blaze of Botney <<
Firewalking with Alan
We’ve very much been enjoying your stories of Alan Yentob being Alan Yentob.
Our current favourite is one from a reader who was staying at a house in Scotland, where he was one of the guests.
They were all sat around the embers of a campfire one day when Alan suddenly decided he wanted to try walking on hot coals. So, barefoot, he walked right into the middle of the campfire. The soles of his feet got so burned he had to be carried back to the house.
The Hood Heat 2 compilation, put together by Charlie Sloth, has SIX tracks by Charlie Sloth on it.
>> Ick factor <<
Saturday night favour
The X Factor final played out exactly the way everyone said it would from day one, but it’s been interesting to see that while the show’s audience has waned, Simon Cowell’s tabloid contacts are still strong.
While X Factor viewers were discussing the jaw-dropping manipulation in this last series, the tabloids have been strangely fixated on spurious “Strictly Is Fixed!” claims (which have the added advantage of bashing the BBC too).
But Strictly would never be so brazen as this year’s X Factor final. Winner Louisa was feted as an angelic superstar from the off, while opponent Che was utterly humiliated, performing Valerie with dancing hamburgers.
And if anyone has ever seen a more uncomfortable three minutes of live TV than poor Reggie & Bollie being forced to sing Forever Young then we’d like to hear from you.
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Xmas Specials Betting
* Top Xmas Day TV? Mrs Browns Boys v Downton v Eastenders
* Xmas No 1? Bieber v NHS v X Factor
* SPOTY? Murray, Ennis-Hill, Fury
Open an account with Ladbrokes, place a TV/Specials bet and use code PB50 to get a free matched bet up to 50GBP. Murray and Bieber? You won’t win big but you probably won’t lose loads either.
http://bit.ly/1IcYrrB
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>> The river lie <<
Voting against the tide
The Radio Times is holding one of their annual polls to see what the public thought was the best TV show of 2015.
Though it didn’t win in the end, crime drama River had 90% of the vote at one point, which was surprising given how the Radio Times’ review last month described it as “an exquisite stinker, watch it and you have to leave a window open afterwards”.
Were the RT really so out of step with their readers’ opinions? Or could it have something to do with staff at River’s production company, Endemol Shine, being asked to down tools at their desks and spend the day voting and re-voting for their own show?
The Tamil equivalent of the proverb “Having your cake and eating it too” translates as “A desire to have the moustache and drink the soup”.
>> Bana time <<
Eric has a bone to pick
Eric Bana was spotted in a Melbourne hair salon, getting his greying locks attended to.
He was bitching at full tilt about the Johnny Depp dog-smuggling case (which had its trial date set this week).
Bana thought Depp’s attempt at getting round Australia’s quarantine laws was outrageous.
A known dog lover, Bana can often be spotted walking his own pooch in Melbourne’s parks and is said to be very approachable.
Good news for Donald Trump. He’s just been endorsed by Republican film-maker Ken Del Veccio, the man behind such greats as O.B.A.M. Nude, in which Barack is the devil.
>> Ball and flush-chain <<
Miley’s ten grand toilet
Wrecking Ball by Miley Cyrus has been number one all over the world. It was a massive smash hit on radio and TV, and has gone multi-platinum many times over.
It also earned Miley a ten grand toilet.
Miley always knew the song would be huge hit, but her songwriter/producer Dr Luke wasn’t so sure.
So he bet her a state-of-the-art bog, one that has a bluetooth receiver in it in order to stream music from her phone while she’s on it, that she wouldn’t have a number one hit with it.
The Kesha v Dr Luke case rumbles on. Her lawyer is pleading in a New York court that she be allowed to work on a new album without Luke.
>> Thank you <<
Something for the weekend
It’s not often that we feel moved to be sincere but your response to our request for donations earlier this week has been really, really heartening. You’re wonderful, and we love you dearly.
If you missed it, we’re having a bit of a pledge drive Details here, as we are still taking donations:
http://bit.ly/SupportPopbitch
To thank you for all you’ve offered so far, we’ve put together a special annual, available to you for free. Popbitch: Notorious P.I.G has some of the best stories from the mailouts in 2015, longer reads and more. Just download to your phone/tablet.
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Indie DVD label Go Faster Stripe produce stacks of brilliant comedy, inc. shows by Richard Herring, Miles Jupp, Lucy Porter, Stewart Lee and many others. Order before 20th Dec for Christmas delivery:
http://www.gofasterstripe.com
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>> Hmmms <<
Otters, alpacas, dildos
Looking for a sexy last-minute Christmas present? Sex toy retailer Lovehoney delivers up to Christmas Eve on orders placed by December 23rd:
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk
An interesting take on pop and social media:
http://bit.ly/1m9x5Zj
Eurovision 2017 in Sochi? Russia has entered one of their top stars, Sergey Lazarev, for 2016:
http://bit.ly/1Rqn3QE
Every death in Shakespeare as a pie chart:
http://bit.ly/1RqzTyp
Judas Priest singer Rob Halford in ep. 6 of sci-fi podcast To The Manor Borne By Robots, narrating “Fronsty The Snowman”, a holiday tale of Frosty The Snowman’s idiot country cousin:
http://bit.ly/16n83OQ
Treat yourself to a posh Star Wars wank. Go on:
http://bit.ly/1mpqZoe
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Thanks to: Bodneyrewes, JE, AM, T, SW, poshduckhunter, OB, KNB, DW
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Old Jokes Home:
My wife and I had a huge row last night. She called me gullible and financially irresponsible.
I can’t wait to see her face when I tell her that I just won the Nigerian lottery.
Still Bored?
The annual MusicMix Xmas Mix!
http://bit.ly/1UDhWeT
