Swish Swish, Sis – Popbitch

“I always wanted to be objectified. I think lots of women want to be something nice to look at and nothing more” – Dita Von Teese

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* Dodd, dead nuns and drinks tabs

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>> Sprayer of London <<

Sadiq makes quite the splash

Someone who was on the London-Austin flight with Sadiq Khan this weekend had the misfortune of occupying the toilet after him. Not only did Sadiq leave the seat up, it seems he’s a bit of splasher too – leaving wee on the bowl’s edge and some splatter on the floor.
Still, the good news is that he’ll probably get on with Donald Trump better than we first thought.

Historical Gruesome Twosome: Stephen Fry and Ronan Farrow

>> Stern words <<

What’s in a name?

The UK Press Awards take place tonight and the Sun’s Dan Wootton is nominated for Showbiz Reporter Of The Year for his stories about Ant McPartlin (up against the news reporter who actually broke the story, funnily enough). However, a bit of a brouhaha has bubbled up just in time to potentially take the shine off his evening.
About 20 minutes into his radio show yesterday, Howard Stern accused Dan Wootton of ripping off his interview with Jennifer Lawrence and passing it off as his own. Quotes attributed to Wootton’s column have been picked up by all manner of outlets and Stern is pretty certain that almost everything in Wootton’s piece came from his own interview with Lawrence.
Accusations of byline banditry are no doubt going to sting, but the thing that’s going to wound him even more? Stern called him “Dan Woototon”.
[Listen – 26m in on Monday 12th’s show]

51 million bottles of gin were sold in the UK last year; roughly 9.5 million bottles more than in 2016.

>> Big Questions <<

Who’s asking what this week?

#MeToo has been the talk of awards season this year – but which unwanted dick pic sender is a hot favourite to walk away with a prize at tonight’s Press Awards?

*** A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS ***

>> Cheltenham 2018 <<

Play along with Popbitch!

Every year we do a little something for the Cheltenham Festival, but we know that many of you are too wise to put your actual money down on our tips. So this time we’ve teamed up with Lucky 7, to bring you this bonus extra issue of Popbitch and give you a chance to play along with Cheltenham – for free!
William Hill’s Lucky 7 game is completely free to enter and up to £250K in jackpots can be won over the four days.
Each day at Cheltenham (Tues-Fri), you pick a horse in each of the seven races. If you predict all seven winners, you win the £50,000 jackpot (or a share of it, depending whether anyone else wins too).
If no-one picks seven winners then the person who picks best gets £1,000.
You don’t need to put any money down and, in playing along, you’ll be helping to support Popbitch. You just need to login with your Facebook or William Hill account, or register through the Lucky 7 site or app. Then get picking!
[Enter Lucky 7 here]
NB: Player/country restrictions and terms apply. 18+ only.

If you need a bit of a steer, jump racing’s best ever jockey AP McCoy has given his expert tips for today’s game here. Remember to make your picks before the first race at 1:30pm each day. (The game starts again at 6.30pm every night for the following day.)

>> Twice as Vice <<

Out with the old, in with the old

After six months of brutal headlines about their toxic workplace culture, word is breaking that Vice is in advanced talks to draft A+E Chief Executive Nancy Dubuc in to take over from their infamous CEO Shane Smith.
Which is the answer to all their problems, surely? Kick out the boisterous bloke at the top and replace him with a sensible, responsible woman who will get their house in order.
Erm, not quite. In 2015, Smith was hauled over the coals by Vice beancounters for spending over $100,000 of company money on wine at a CES dinner in Vegas.
His drinking companion that night? Why, it was none other than… Nancy Dubuc!

When Jamie Carragher’s family went to Germany to watch him play in the 2006 World Cup they were put up in a five star hotel. One of his relatives was overheard complaining to reception about the lack of luxury in the hotel as their room didn’t have a kettle.

>> Dodd’s Dead <<

Stalk of the town

Obviously, our thoughts go out to Ken Dodd’s friends and family at this sad time – but our thoughts also go out to someone else who may have taken it pretty hard: Ken’s stalker, Ruth Tagg.
After having seen Ken imitate a French kiss on video, Tagg became besotted with him. The way she showed her affection was by sending him a dead rat she’d sprayed with her perfume alongside a set of nudey pics. Then, when that didn’t work, she tried to set fire to his house.
Sorry for your loss, Ruth.

Ken Dodd’s tax evasion trial was presided over by Brian Leveson, a.k.a. Lord Leveson of the Leveson Inquiry.

>> Nun may pass <<

Swish swish, Sis

Up until now, Adam Faith probably had the best last words of the 21st Century (“Channel 5 is all shit, isn’t it? Christ, the crap they put on there. It’s a waste of space.”) but he might have just had his title snatched by a nun from Los Feliz, Sister Catherine Rose Holzman.
Sister Holzman was due in court this last week to give evidence in a case trying to block the sale of her convent to a millionaire pop star, but shortly after stepping into the courtroom she collapsed and died.
Her final words, delivered to the press outside?
“Katy Perry, please stop.”

Thanks to: LB, JC, monstris, LOC, RT, TM, DH

Old Jokes Home

Q/ What does a sassy horse eat?

A/ Heyyyyyyyyyy
Still Bored?

If you want to opt in to receive our extra Cheltenham mailers and get all the latest tips, stable gossip and jokes from the festival, then you can do it here. We’ll send it to you on Wednesday and Friday.

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Everyone else: we’ll be back as normal on Thursday

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