The Chimaculate Conception

Stephen Belafonte’s brother has spoken out in the press, putting the Mel B split down to the couple’s open marriage and love of threesomes.

We’re only surprised that this story hasn’t come out sooner. Some of the people that Mel and Steve most enjoyed inviting to join them were journalists.

We can think of at least two top showbiz hacks (one male, one female) who got this particular scoop some time ago.

Whether by design or by accident, the reporting of Cheryl Cole-Fernandez-Tweedy’s pregnancy was like catnip to a certain type of celebrity conspiracist – and the story that’s coming out about the birth only adds fuel to the fire.

Chim Shippers (those who believe Cheryl is in a secret lesbian relationship with Kimberley) are suspicious of the official story. And not without reason.

Not only did tabloids report that Cheryl had a special ‘invisible’ C-section (a cover to explain why we’ll never see scars?) they also quoted a source saying Cheryl and Liam booked out the entire Kensington Wing of Chelsea and Westminster Hospital “thereby ensuring the brunette beauty wasn’t disturbed by members of the public.”

With all due respect to Cheryl, Chelsea/Westminster is hardly Madame Tussaud’s. Members of the public aren’t sauntering around hoping to catch a glimpse of celebs in stirrups, and the sorts of people who pay thousands of pounds to squeeze out a sprog in one of their 16 private suites probably don’t give much of a fuck if Cheryl Cole is the one shitting herself from contractions four rooms down the hall.

So why else would you need to clear out an entire maternity wing in order to give birth?

Which TV chef has been telling some extremely airbrushed (and unconvincingly PG) versions of his life story in recent interviews, missing out huge chunks of his autobiography in order to maintain his image as the Housewives’ Favourite?

Which celeb’s recent career wobbles have been blamed on drinking – but are, in fact, more to do with him sexting hoardes of other women to distract himself from his wife’s monster gak habit?

Emily Clarkson isn’t the only celebrity offspring to land a cushy journalism gig. In fact, it seems well-connected kid columnists are the new must-have accessory at the Murdoch titles.

The Sunday Times Style magazine has recently added a number of new columns to its line-up, including Gen-Z Hit List: a column by Scarlett Curtis.

Who is Scarlett Curtis? She’s the daughter of Emma Freud and Richard Curtis. Also, the niece of PR supremo Matthew Freud. Who was married to Elisabeth Murdoch. Making Scarlett the grandniece of Rupert Murdoch.

As news reaches us that Katie Hopkins’ appeal has fallen at its first hurdle, we present a special libel and defamation edition of Popbitch Magazine.

Over the 20+ pages, we revisit some of our dicier scrapes with the law, talk you through what it’s like to be threatened by a celebrity with libel action, and try to tackle the question that always goes unanswered in cases like these: Why the hell does it cost 300 grand to take this all to court?

You can see the first bit here:
http://bit.ly/2ocD1pA

And you can download the whole issue here, for iOS:
http://bit.ly/1bexc8Y

Or here for Android:
http://bit.ly/1vvdK7H

slushpopcorn writes:
“I used to be a graphic artist at a Scottish newspaper in the late 90s. I remember an editorial conference where the subject of the internet came up. The news editor told us of a report that predicted everyone would b consuming news and entertainment through this medium in the near future. The editor considered this to be nonsense, and made his opinion crystal clear through the use of some strong Anglo-Saxon epithets.

“The editor in question? Martin Clarke, current publisher of the Mail Online, the world’s most popular news website.”

As Shadow Home Secretary, Chris Grayling caused a bit of a stink when he was recorded saying that Christian B&B owners should have the right to turn away gay customers.

Civil servants at the Dept of Transport never forgot this. In fact, they still refer to their boss by the nickname given to him at the time.

The Graylord.

One enterprising hack has had cause this last week to remember his most successful trick for infiltrating celebrity security.

At a big international awards show a few years back, the press was finding it pretty tough to get any access anywhere, so this guy decides to go back to his hotel, get changed and order a limo to take him to the big celebrity hotel across town.

With his bleached blond hair and suit, he obviously looked the part as the doorman let him straight through with a cordial “Welcome back, sir!”

As he sat in the lobby, drinking coffee while Madonna, All Saints and other such stars strolled by, a tall, suited man on a walkie-talkie came over to ask if he was a guest of the hotel.

Afraid he was about to be rumbled he replied “No, but I’m waiting for a friend who’s a guest here.”

To which the bodyguard smiled. “Ah,” he said. “You’re a friend of George Michael’s… Have a nice day!”

The godfathers of drum and bass were on Talksport Extra Time this week, but they couldn’t agree on their answer to the age-old question: Who would win in a fight between a baboon and a badger?

Fabio: “The baboon is bigger. How would a badger beat a baboon?”

Grooverider: “He would tire him out like George Foreman.”

Listen:
http://bit.ly/2mSa7LE

Google’s been getting a right slagging in the press this last week for not doing enough to strip revenue-generating adverts from YouTube videos by extremists, homophobes and other such unsavoury characters. In fairness though, Google do have a bit of a backlog to contend with.

Hardly a day goes by without them flagging up some ancient post from our messageboard that hasn’t been viewed for about a decade or more, claiming it’s causing some great degeneracy.

Just yesterday they threw a strop and threatened to pull our advertising for hosting “strategically covered nudity”. The nudity in question? A five year-old scan of a Kerry Katona photoshoot from New magazine.

So give Google a break, guys. We’re sure they’ll get to the ISIS recruiters just as soon as they’ve dealt with Katona.

Brace yourselves:
http://bit.ly/2nDzqQ8

Celebrate Brexit. Take back control of the road by buying Enoch Powell’s car:
http://bit.ly/2obbK6Q

Fancy cruising with Hasselhoff?
http://bit.ly/2nynqxV

Baby otter takes first swim:
http://bit.ly/2nCKvkA

How Comic Sans was born:
http://bit.ly/2nneF8S

Good explanation of Republican problems repealing healthcare:
http://theatln.tc/2mS6Agc

Mike Stock, on the PWL heyday:
http://bit.ly/2mRSRGi

And two, I’m banned from Greggs.

Still Bored?
An excellent, ahem, oral history by Page Six on the 10th anniversary of Kim Kardashian’s sex tape:
http://pge.sx/2nmqfRH