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Get your London entertainment sorted for early 2016. 15% off all tickets.
1. An evening with A.A.Gill, in conversation about his dark yet funny memoir, Pour Me. 9th Feb:
http://bit.ly/1PzqMv1
2. C4 presenter Levison Wood talks about his most recent expedition, Walking The Himalayas. 11th Feb:
http://bit.ly/1LQSJqv
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“You know what happens when dope motherfuckers from LA hook up with cool people from China? Dope shit happens.” – will.i.am
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|_| |_|03.12.15 ISSUE 765
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* Legal Bullocks!
* Bodyguarding Brooks!
* Charts: Bieber is no 1!
>> Little Minx <<
X Factor poster children
It’s all going a bit Spinal Tap for girlband Little Mix.
Backstage at a recent festival they were outraged to see their name on the poster was in smaller letters than headliners Duran Duran.
The tiny typography got them so mad that they threw a huge hissy fit and ripped the poster clean off the wall.
Bieber’s Love Yourself replaces Bieber’s I’m Sorry at number one. (The previous self-replacements? Only Beatles, Elvis, John Lennon.)
>> Bye bye, Botney <<
Hanging on the telephones
So Alan Yentob finally steps down as Creative Director of the BBC following the Kids Company debacle. He maybe wouldn’t have got himself into such a mess though if stories of his organisational cluelessness were publicised earlier.
The BBC undertakes regular audits of company phones (cancelling unused handsets, querying outrageous bills etc) and a fairly recent audit showed that Yentob had three extra BlackBerries and two extra iPhones to his name.
It turned out that every time Yentob lost his phone (which was often) he never actually got round to telling anyone, or cancelling them himself. He just ordered another.
One of Alan Yentob’s nicknames is Yummy. At dinner parties he’s known for eating leftovers off other plates while murmuring ‘yummy’.
>> Big Questions <<
Who’s asking what this week?
Stories about which superstar couple’s “marriage woes” this summer came about thanks to one of the couple’s assistants having a sapphic fling with a showbiz reporter?
(The hack has form in getting stories this way – having been linked previously to a bit of extra-curricular fun with a Spice Girl and her husband).
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Hey popbitches! Save 30% on funny and rude cards and gifts – perfect for Christmas! Simply use the code: pop30 at checkout for discount.
http://www.deanmorriscards.co.uk
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>> Legal Bullocks <<
Celeb privacy for hire
On Monday a letter from Sandra Bullock’s legal team was sent out to British media outlets. It was pretty hardcore, saying the actress didn’t consent to any stories about her private life being published; that she wasn’t to be photographed, even in a public place; and, most importantly, that Ms Bullock’s family “were not a story”.
Maybe they should have told Ms Bullock that. Because guess who has an exclusive tell-all story about her family life coming out in People Magazine tomorrow? The same person who is plastered over the cover and several pages inside; a feature filled with intimate photos of her at home with her family and her newly adopted daughter?
Rather confusingly, it’s… Sandra Bullock!
A weird choice from someone who values her privacy so much. Unless, of course, she just wanted to make extra sure nobody spoiled her People deal?
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National charity Turn2us have launched their #NoColdHomes campaign with celebs giving their favourite winter coats for charity. Get your hands on Benedict Cumberbatch’s fleece, Alistair Campbell’s coat, Helen Mirren’s cardie and signed stuff from Ed Sheeran and Olly Murs!
http://www.turn2us.org.uk/nocoldhomes
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>> G-flunk <<
Fiddy forgets da club
X writes:
“I went on a night out with 50 Cent once, after one of his shows. Once we got to the club, 50 demanded they pay him ten grand in cash to come in, as it would generate so much publicity for them.
“The club refused, and he wouldn’t haggle. So he just went back to the hotel to watch films on his own.
“I went on in with his entourage, managers, G-Unit (etc), and we partied the night away without him.”
Michael Gove spotted taking his son to watch Chelsea, even though he claims he’s a QPR fan.
>> Panic attack <<
Red-top bodyguards
Rebekah Brooks is accompanied around News UK these days by a large bodyguard – ready to whisk her to a panic-room in an instant.
A sensible precaution to take in this post-Hebdo world? Sure. But that’s not all the guard is there for.
Her staff seem to think it’s more about a fear that a disgruntled employee gets tanked up on Christmas spirit and takes a swing at her, as she is still loathed so much by the lower ranks.
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Ladbrokes offer for new customers. Sign up with promo code PB50, place a TV bet and receive a matched free bet up to 50 quid!
http://bit.ly/1IcYrrB
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>> Big whopper <<
Tyson for sports personality?
New boxing champ Tyson Fury does give great copy for the media, but we’ve seen his story that he was born seven weeks premature, weighing just one pound, parroted endlessly.
It seems strange to us, as currently listed as the most premature baby to survive in the UK? Alex Franks, February 1999, who was born 15 weeks early and weighed 1lb 1oz.
FYI: Tyson is currently 14-1 for Sports Personality of the Year. Possibly a good each-way bet, behind Andy Murray? See the SPOTY bets here at Ladbrokes:
http://bit.ly/1Hq2ile
******** TV BETTING UPDATE *********
1. IACGMOOH – The markets suggest a two-horse race Vicky v Ferne. Can anyone else sneak past?
http://bit.ly/1Q0IGoO
2. X Factor – First act to be announced safe: Che 5-1?
http://bit.ly/1TgUaoa
3. Strictly Come Dancing – Kellie to be evicted next: 13-8?
http://bit.ly/1NvqMvM
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>> The firing line <<
Eurovision gets nasty
We’ve been writing about the various FIFA-esque scandals unfolding in the heart of Eurovision for the last few months – and it just keeps getting deeper and darker.
This week another executive, Junior Eurovision’s well-liked Vladislav Yakovlev, was booted out for asking questions about money and transparency
The same kind of questions which got his colleague, the Junior Eurovision Head of Press fired last month.
So if you work for the EBU and are looking to get yourself fired before Christmas, it seems like your best bet is to ask someone:
Who is in charge of the pop-up ads on the official Eurovision YouTube channel? And exactly how much revenue does such a thing generate?
The big Katie v Peter trial isn’t ’til January, but Katie Price is in court this afternoon for a costs hearing re: her settlement with former friend Jamelah Asmar.
>> No ordinary trifle <<
Hacking’s kitchen cabinet
After comparing foodie movies Love’s Kitchen and Burnt last week, who should drop us a line but the writer/director of Love’s Kitchen – James Hacking.
Apparently, although the film didn’t do terribly well here, James has received a fair amount of international fanmail since it was released on iTunes and Netflix – even from as far away as Syria.
So at least one British bomb is making the people of Syria happy.
FYI: James says, “For the record, Gordon [Ramsay] did it for free, and was incredibly kind and charming to all. Wish I had a gruesome story for you but I don’t.”
Dwight Yorke on Gary Neville’s new job: “We’ve seen the reaction on Twitter. I mean I’m not on Twitter but I can imagine what’s going on”.
>> Psybitch <<
You be curry; he’ll be rice
For a while it didn’t look like Psy was ever going to best his video for Gangnam Style, but he might just have done it.
The video for Daddy sees him miming a mass school shooting, insinuating that he’d like to lick out his primary school teacher, before donning some strange Michael Flatley-meets-Elvis style jumpsuit and then prancing about.
Even just the first minute is worth your time:
http://bit.ly/1YKAYCm
Weirdest film review headline ever? “Leonardo DiCaprio raped by bear – twice!”
>> Hmmms <<
Gags, smut, sticky lampposts
Celebrity injunctions are back in fashion:
http://bit.ly/1N5xtz0
A Kickstarter to make film censors watch paint dry:
http://kck.st/1QISiGr
An urgent appeal from the South Wales Argus to find which Cwmbran man got his leg stuck to a lamppost:
http://bit.ly/1SwPudh
The customers of Amazon are so easily confused:
http://amzn.to/1IFRtGz
Be afraid – 50 Shades of Grey inspires muckier copycats:
http://bit.ly/1lZpehm
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Thanks to: KG, JH, DW, C, D, raymondmarble, SG, spankybamboo, ben c, deepstoat, M,
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Old Jokes Home:
Q/ What did the cheese say when it looked into the mirror?
A/ Hello me!
Still Bored?
“The perfect neighbour. The kind of bloke you’d like your daughter to marry” and other Rolf Harris album liner notes:
http://bit.ly/1XJSGng
