The Daily Tonic: All Hail Sharktopus!

When we asked for stories of bad celebrity films yesterday, we had forgotten all about Michael Flatley’s mysterious self-funded spy film, Blackbird. Announced with great fanfare in March 2018, and supposedly given its premiere at Raindance that same year, there’s still no sign of it actually getting a release. No trailer, no reviews, no nothing. Two years of total silence.

It’s a shame, but it’s no real surprise. Flatley has always liked to keep his personal vanity projects a secret. Like the rug he once commissioned for his dressing room. With a portrait of his face on it.

After yesterday’s story of Rustie Lee blazing up a bifta backstage, a couple of you got in touch to tell us about other celebrities who were stoners on the sly – so we wanted to open it up to the rest of you.

Today’s Question: Have you ever shared a secret spliff with a star? And who are the most surprising weed aficionados in the celebrity world?

Send your stories of secret celebrity stoners to hello@popbitch.com and we’ll dish out some digital goodies to the best.

BS writes:
“Look no further than Insane Clown Posse’s diptych of shite: ‘Big Money Hustlas’ (2000) and ‘Big Money Rustlas’ (2010). Both films starred the clown-rap duo in lead roles. Both are absolute crap. The first was so bad – and ICP personnel hated by the crew so much – that the crew went on strike twice during production. It also went way over budget, meaning Joseph “Violent J” Bruce had to put 100 grand of his own money into it just to finish it.”

FYI: Although the film never got a cinematic release, it earned platinum straight-to-video sales, reaching No.1 in the Billboard video charts. And with the monkey-led doughnut shop robberies, killer magic ninjas and gun-toting priests, is it any wonder?

[Watch Big Money Hustlas here]

Around the turn of the last decade, there was a huge wave of TV movies that were obsessed with animal hybrid monsters. Megashark v Crocosaurus. Dinocroc v Supergator. Sharktopus v Whalewolf. Piranhaconda.

These films provided a happy home for a lot of fondly remembered stars and a fairly steady stream of income. But it also gave 80s pop stars Tiffany and Debbie Gibson a chance to finally settle their decades-long rivalry in the classic Mega Python V Gatoroid.

The two start an almighty catfight after Debbie Gibson’s character (Dr Nikki Riley) uncovers evidence that Tiffany (Terry O’Hara) is the one responsible for feeding local alligators steroids.

[Watch it here]

A slight chance of pace for today’s audio quiz. While you’ve still got the usual ten tracks, this time there is a maximum of 30 points on offer.

All of the songs today have appeared prominently on famous movie soundtracks. So as well as getting your standard points for managing to name the song and the artist for each, you can also get a bonus third point if you can name the film it features in.

[Play it here]

Jim Davidson’s turn serenading John Malkovich
[Hello from Colour Me Kubrick]

Auckland Zoo has fluffy sausage otters
[See on RNZ]

Stoat on a trampolin
[Watch on Twitter]