Otter Wars

A fight has broken out in the toilets at the Daily Mail. Specifically, on the toilet walls. A piece of graffiti appeared recently that reads “DAILY M. STOP TALK SHIT ABUT MEGAN.”

To which a reply has been issued below: “Sub-editor here… Her name is ‘Meghan,’ tosspot”.

Celebrity appearances on breakfast radio in the UK are all very slick these days. Stars gamely join in on pranks, challenges and other set-pieces all tailored to go viral – but there’s rarely any moments of spontaneous shock or surprise.

We only realised what we were missing when we heard a snippet from the breakfast show on Malta’s Vibe 887 yesterday. Their guest was Maltese musical theatre star and influencer Raphael Pace, who caused listeners to collectively choke on their cornflakes by seemingly confessing live on air (with minimal cajoling) to having had a threesome with Tom Daley and Dustin Lance Black.

Come on, Greg James. More of this, please.

[Swipe for the clip here]

Which comedian insists that her support act eats every meal on tour with her, but won’t let them order the same thing she’s having in case she gets food poisoning from it – and needs them to look after her?

Cliff Richard dropped himself in it this week, telling a cringeworthy story on This Morning about turning down a chance to meet Elvis, because he felt Elvis was too fat to get his photo taken with.

The full story is even weirder than he let slip though – as longtime Popbitch readers may remember.

Years ago we told you one of Cliff’s prized possessions was a painting he has hanging in his living room: one he’d commissioned of him and (a notably svelte) Elvis performing together.

The picture came direct from Cliff’s imagination, as he and Elvis never actually shared a stage. But mention that to Cliff and he’ll fix your gaze and tell you in a very matter-of-fact tone that – had it not been for the King’s untimely death – they “would have”.

Every so often, a story crops up that neatly encapsulates the state of modern celebrity. For many years, the one that felt most like a parable was that of Kris Humphries (Kim Kardashian’s 72-day husband) getting booed off court at a Knicks game, only to hear the crowd chanting for his return. So he came back on court, whereupon the crowd immediately started booing him again.

This week, we have a new one. I’m A Celebrity campmate Nigel Farage was caught mumbling conspiratorially on camera that he was actually rather gutted not to be nominated for the Bushtucker Trials because they account for “25% of the airtime”.

Essentially, it seems Farage was banking on being so disliked by the public that he’d be constantly voted to eat wombat anus, get doused in fireants and be buried up to his neck in maggots – and therefore hog the limelight. What he didn’t account for was the public hating a YouTuber and Britney Spears’ sister more.

So now he’s stuck in the jungle, subject to an even more perverse punishment: being desperate to eat kangaroo cock on telly, but being denied the chance.

Effectively flipping the entire premise of I’m A Celebrity on its head.

Elsewhere in the jungle, Josie Gibson and Nick Pickard (off of Hollyoaks) had a chat this week about how the best on-set gossip always comes from the make-up chair. That’s certainly true of Hollyoaks.

One of the longstanding stars of that soap is well-known to crew for her legendary oversharing. The glam star rolled in one morning and proceeded to tell people in great detail about her heavy weekend – including a hungover drive home, in which she was forced to pull over on the motorway to get out and shit her guts at the side of the road.

The tale was so graphic – and told at such an ungodly hour – that one of the make-up team gave notice shortly after.

Cilla Black has been trending on Twitter for the last 24 hours or so as people have shared some of the weirder performances of her career. There’s no need for us to rehash any of our old stories. We can let the work speak for itself. Work like:

* Cilla Black, singing Eye Of The Tiger while fighting a child [here]

* Cilla Black, dressed as a Christmas tree, performing Let It Snow like Margarita Pracatan [here]

* Cilla Black, singing Lionel Richie’s All Night Long in a living room full of body-popping six year olds [here]

Laurence Fox’s ongoing libel trial has thrown up a few interesting nuggets. Lozza’s lawyers have been telling the court this week that offers for roles on prestige shows like Succession and Star Wars spin-off Obi-Wan dried up after he was branded a racist on Twitter.

We have no idea if any of that’s true – but he’s definitely had other job offers since. At the start of the year Lozza was in advanced talks to appear on Channel 4’s Banged Up: Stars Behind Bars. He got dropped ahead of stepping foot in the jail though. Not because of any public perception of his character, but because he was a stubborn arsehole – making countless demands of producers and offering suggestions as to how they might water down the prison experience for him.

Still he’s probably glad he didn’t get that job now. Could have been quite embarrassing, given his last few months.

It’s always good when celebs donate things for charity – and it must be nice to reach a level of fame where any old crap knocking about your house could be auctioned off for a decent sum.

However, if Ed Sheeran’s planning to donate any more of his clothes for good causes, he might want to give them a cursory wash first.

The eBay listings for an auction of his used wares have to point out that a number of the items are “caked in fibres which appear to be cat hair”, that some of the boxers show “discolouration” and that a pair of shorts “have a white stain […] visible in the last image”.

[Mmmmm]

Alex Ferguson’s house is up for sale
[See on Rightmove]

As is Reggie Yates’s
[£3m]

Otter Gang Wars
[Watch on Twitter]

Kitten goalkeeper
[Watch on Instagram]

Festive dildo painting
[For our Manchester readers]

Russia has added Eurovision 2016 winner Jamala onto its Wanted List
[Read on NYT]

How did Ridley Scott cast Joaquin Phoenix as Napoleon? “I took a photograph of him and stuck a hat on it, and I said, ‘There it is.'”
[Lots more in Vulture]