A “Friend Of The Beckhams”

London’s favourite lunch service is opening in Manchester! MealPal is a secret lunch club that offers signature dishes from top restaurants for less than £5/day. Reserve your lunch early and skip the queues like a boss. Popbitch readers who sign up – in London or Manchester – get a free lunch after their first 30 days.

[Sign up at MealPal]

“I’ve never smoked crack in my life. I’ve never smoked meth in my life. I tried cocaine when I was, like, 16” – Aaron Carter

Free newsletter every Thursday subscribe

Email stories to us hello@popbitch.com

* Jarvis Cocker: A different class

* Mark Wright’s media blacklist

* Charts: Sam Smith headed for No.1

>> The Bell’s end <<

Friends in low places

It’s been a strange few weeks for the Devil’s own PR firm, Bell Pottinger. There they were, mid-way through an office refurbishment, with work having to stop and start over the last 10 days while the company’s future lay in the balance. Now they have collapsed into administration.
A Daily Mail journalist rang boss James Henderson for an update on the latest developments with the company. Professional right to the last, colleagues overheard Henderson confirming one very important point to the hack:
“Yes – you can say I am a friend of the Beckhams.”

David from Scooch is now a Slimming World rep in South Shields.

>> Cheap shot <<

Another catastrophic vehicle

Noel Edmonds is no stranger to overseeing car crashes on television, but his latest show Cheap Cheap Cheap might be his worst yet.
The recordings are apparently so long and tedious that one of the ‘characters’ on-set got in trouble after the camera picked her up crying with boredom in the back of a shot.

It (the movie) has already outgrossed Stephen King’s previous highest box office, The Green Mile, in less than a week.

>> Big Questions <<

Who’s asking what this week?

It’s quite common for stunt doubles to basically fill in as understudies for big-name Hollywood stars on set – but which A-lister went one step further? Not only did she have her stunt double do most of the work during filming, she also had her pose for the movie’s promo posters too (then had her own features added on digitally in post).

Robbie Williams has a giant Bernese Mountain dog called Mr Showbiz OBE.

>> Different class <<

Riding with common people

Jarvis Cocker was nestled nice and comfortably in first class on the train to Festival No.6 last weekend, until he was asked by the conductor to present his ticket. Very politely, she pointed out that he had a standard ticket but was in a first class compartment – and promptly turfed him out to the prole carriages.
Which was embarrassing for Jarvis, sure. But embarrassing enough to stop him from trying to pull the same trick again on the train back from Bangor on Sunday afternoon? Nope.
Sadly for Jarvis, the same ticket lady was working the aisle on the Sunday – and she recognised him again.
Only this time, because the train was filled with people leaving the festival early due to a downpour, there were no seats free in standard for Jarvis to decamp to. So he had to stand by the toilet all the way back to London.

If you’re about to welcome a new addition to the family, have you ever looked at the benefits of stem cell banking? Don’t leave it until it’s too late – protect your child’s future now.

[Find out more at Stem Protect]

>> The Princess Diaries <<

Spinning a yarn with Carling

We had no idea that Will Carling was so keen to let his stories of porking The People’s Princess be heard – but it really seems as if he couldn’t shut up about it.
Apparently, the poor lads who sat on the subs bench for Harlequins used to get the brunt of it. The First XV made it clear that they had no interest in hearing about his escapades, so Carling would pull rank and make all the young lads in the reserves sit and listen to his sordid tales of treason.

Katherine Jenkins requests a brand new toilet seat for every venue she visits when touring.

>> Mark my words <<

Dishonesty: the Wright policy

Earlier this summer, TOWIE gimp Mark Wright was due to make two club appearances in one day: one in Mallorca, one in Bromley. These appearances were both cancelled, with Wright citing illness.
Fitting both into a single day would definitely have been tight, but not impossible. However, eagle-eyed social media followers noticed that, at the same time he was due to be making these two appearances, the boy Wright was also uploading pictures of himself in LA at a press screening for Baby Driver.
You’d have thought the story of Mark Wright blowing off his die-hard fans to swan about in tinseltown would have been catnip to the tabloids, but the red-tops who were handed the story were rather reticent to run it.
Why? Because his rep threatened to cut off their access to him in the future.

22m people are expected to give up their cable or satellite subscriptions in the US this year – up 33% on 2016.

>> Bounced tech <<

Murdoch’s missed opportunity

We mentioned last week how good News UK are at botching their investments in digital start-ups but, in the interest of balance, we should also point out that they’re equally good at letting opportunities pass them by.
In the late 90s, News International was one of the early customers of a fledgling software company called Autonomy, but Murdoch’s execs turned down the offer of a sizeable stake in the business for the paltry investment of a million or so.
In 2011, Hewlett Packard acquired Autonomy. For $11.7 billion.
It’s a real shame for News UK, because that money would have come in pretty handy when paying out on the 17 phone-hacking cases they had to settle earlier this month.
And it would probably help to ease their minds about the other 74 claims still pending.

LOSE WEIGHT WITHOUT WILLPOWER. Popbitch readers have been loving Slimpod: “From the first listen things changed. My attitude to what I’m eating – and how much – have been turned upside down… I’m thrilled.” Promo code POPBITCH gets you 20% off any programme.

[Learn more at thinkingslimmer.com]

>> Family affairs <<

Keeping up with the Smiths

Sarah Smith takes over from Andrew Neil on Sunday Politics this weekend and all eyes will be on her to see if her style differs from her predecessor’s uncompromising interview technique.
Has her time as Scotland Editor given us any clues? Well, she was on the BBC’s 10 O’Clock News earlier this week with a feature on Scotland. One of her interviewees was the journalist Ruth Wishart.
It was all very cosy, the two of them chatting away in a cafe. But then it probably would be – given that Ruth Wishart is Sarah’s godmother.

Former colleagues’ secret nickname for Sarah is “The Cod” on account of her being such a cold fish.

>> Hall of Fame <<

Remembering the greats

In his diaries, the late Sir Peter Hall wrote of Jonathan Miller: “He directs plays as if he were advancing a theory for the New York Review of Books.”
Dr Miller’s less intellectual response? “Peter Hall looks like a big ball of snot rolling around a barbershop floor.”

MEDIA MASTERS PODCAST: This week, Gavin Hewitt (Chief Correspondent at BBC News) talks Brexit, Trump, technology and the ‘obligation’ to engage in online debate.[Listen/Download at Media Focus]

>> Hmmms <<

ft. The Venerable Mr Piddles

Want to hire Ted Cruz’s favourite porn star? Because you can.

[NSFW – Cory Chase Customs]
Die Hard – now an illustrated Christmas storybook!

[See on Amazon]
An interactive map of London’s nightlife – past and present

[See The Clubbing Map]
No Raccoon Left Behind

[See on Twitter]
That George Osborne piece is worth a read, if you haven’t already

[Read on Esquire]
Donald Trump’s flip-flop tweets now available as actual flip-flops

[Presidential Flip Flops]
Local News Of The Week – with a blinding penultimate paragraph

[Read at the Brighton Argus]
Llamas crash a wedding

[See on YouTube]
Tickets are now on sale for the next Popbitch Popquiz. Tuesday 3rd October, 7:30pm Smiths Of Smithfield. Gossip, trivia, music, filth. £100 bar tab and more up for grabs. £5 per person.

[Reserve your table now]

Thanks to: DJ, Seanio, Dom Kaos, C, ChangerOfTheWays, Beep Beep, celtiagirl, CF, CH, TW, MG, DU, bunkle

Old Jokes Home:

A courier asked me for the time.

I told him it was some time between 9am and 8pm.
Still Bored?

John Kearns plays Soho Theatre 15-30th Sept. Genius stand-up and the only winner of both the Best Show and Best Newcomer Edinburgh Comedy Awards. Popbitch readers get 25% off tickets by using the promo code KEARNSPB

[Get tickets at Soho Theatre]

Fancy Another?