A Proper CB

Usually at this point in the year, we’d take a couple of weeks off and maybe send out a “Readers’ Lives” issue – filled with stories of your run-ins with the celebrity set. However, thanks to the fact that silly season basically runs year-round these days, there’s just enough gossip around for us to roll on through.

We’re still going to take next week off, as the Popbitch otters need a little R&R. But to send us into the new school year with a warchest full of stories – send us gossip at hello@popbitch.com.

See you in September.

To the surprise of absolutely no-one, bosses at the Mail are extremely unhappy with the Boris Johnson column. They expected him to be much more petty, using the column as a platform to attack the government at every turn; creating news rather than regurgitating it. But – shock! – it’s turned out to be lazy and boring.

They’re currently preparing to draw straws to figure out which of them will need to take him out for lunch to politely inform him that he needs to be a lot more interesting if he wishes to continue drawing the handsome salary they’re paying him.

Which big-name comedian recorded a BBC Sounds show at 10am this week, shortly after sinking half a bottle of red in about ten minutes?

Which cult comedian arrived drunk and high to headline a gig this week, demanded to change the order and go on second, then got weirdly aggressive when the venue tried to actually pay them?

BGT winner Viggo Venn has taken his routine up to the Edinburgh Festival, but things haven’t been going quite as well at the Monkey Barrel as they did at the Palladium. In fact, it’s been described to us as “a living nightmare”.

Viggo’s made himself so disliked with staff and student volunteers at the venue over his short run that his codename over the in-house walkie-talkies is “WGC”.

“Weapons Grade Cunt”.

Leonardo DiCaprio’s long summer holiday has been giving paps and showbiz columnists plenty of material to fill the August pages with. Leo’s been inviting dozens of celebs to join him sunbathing on his yacht as he cruises the Med, but we’re assuming there’s one star who will not be getting an invite.

A Popbitch reader tell us of the time they were in a swimming pool in LA with Leo, when Iggy Pop came over to join them. He sat right on the edge of the pool and then appeared to bend down and drink a couple of handfuls of the water.

It was such a weird scene that the reader teased Leo that Iggy was trying to drink his essence. The joke didn’t really land – and it freaked Leo right out.

It could have been so easy for Channel 5. As flagship presenters for ITV, the BBC, TalkTV and GB News have all become implicated in career-defining scandals, all it needed to do was keep its head down, its hands clean and take care of any issues that did crop up sensibly.

But no.

A leading anchor on 5 News recently raised a grievance against ITN over allegations of racism and a toxic work environment, providing a 200-page dossier of supporting material as evidence of their claim.

ITN’s response? Taking that presenter off air.

After last week’s story about her, Lisa Scott-Lee very kindly posted photographic proof of the incident to Twitter for all to see. Sadly, there’s unlikely to be a snap of this one – but it’s not the first awkward encounter Lisa has had like that.

During Lisa’s solo career, she had a regular driver. One day, this driver dropped her home after a long day of promo as usual. After he opened the door to help her out of the car, the two of them stood chatting for quite a while. The driver was surprised at the amount of time she was taking out of her busy day to chat with him, taking what seemed to be a genuine interest.

Until there was a pause in the conversation and Lisa said “…er, my bag?” Which is when he realised that she had mostly been killing time, waiting for him to pop the boot.

Willie McKay was a notorious football agent back in the 00s. Along with Harry Redknapp, Karren Brady and a host of other agents, players and officials, Willie was forever getting caught up in the era’s corruption investigations and arrests (though was never actually charged with anything).

He resurfaced in the news again in 2019, having brokered the ill-fated deal to bring Emiliano Sala from Nantes to Cardiff, which ended tragically in a plane crash over the English Channel.

Willie’s fortunes might be turning around though. The bankruptcy order he’s been living under since 2015 was discharged earlier this month and – despite not having a FIFA license as an agent – he appears to be quietly back in business.

McKay has re-emerged in Saudi Arabia and was recently overheard telling people there that he was authorised to get a deal to sell Tottenham’s Tanguy Ndombele – as well as trying to flog “about half of Fulham FC”.

ennuyee writes:
“A friend was working a busy desk at New Line Cinema in New York in its heyday and a fellow with a ‘foreign accent’ called, asking to speak to his boss. The guy diligently asked the caller’s name and heard ‘Suryan’.

“He wasn’t too sure he was hearing such an exotic name right though, so asked Suryan how his name was spelled.

“To which the caller responded: ‘Sir Ian! Sir Ian fucking McKellen!'”

Further to the Rita Ora/Gary Barlow family signature stories of the past few weeks, here’s another variation on the theme.

Sade’s mum used to work as the school nurse at Colbayns High School in Clacton. She had a sneaky method to encourage some of the shyer pupils to undergo their medicals: offering them signed photos of her famous daughter as a bribe.

The trick worked surprisingly well. Until she was spotted sitting in the nearby cafe one lunchtime – signing them herself.

As loads of huge artists part ways with Scooter Braun, this profile is worth a re-read
[The Many Faces Of Scooter Braun]

Fun little browser game: Clone-A Lisa
[Replicate the Mona Lisa in 60 secs]

Fyre Festival II is happening*
[*”happening”]

The vicar-general of Cologne – who oversees the clergy and staff accused of trying to repeatedly access porn on their work computers – is called…
[…Guido Assmann!]

Where is your surname unusually popular?
[Play with Named here]

Octopusses hanging out
[See on Scientific American]

How is the Hollywood strike affecting the industry trades?
[Read on Defector]

August is a good time to refresh your music collection and right now we can’t think of anything better to add than the world’s most streamed song of the summer. Ella Baila Sola by Eslabon Armando and Peso Pluma is Mexico’s (other) big export – and similarly energising…
[Listen here]

Still Bored?
Want more playlist suggestions? Here’s a short collection of songs the Popbitch gang has been caning recently.
[Play it here]