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“Acting is all I do. If I stop, what would I do? I don’t play golf” – Christopher Walken |
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| 20.02.25 Free newsletter every Thursday subscribe
Issue #1224 Email stories: hello@popbitch.com
* Jordan’s travelling circus
* More Nice Guy Jarvis
* PLUS: Woe Is Mail |
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| >> Cardinal Sins << |
| It’s a Tucci subject |
| Stanley Tucci would never have survived in the round the clock work schedule those actual Conclave cardinals are beholden to.
The production team on his Italian cooking show are beginning to complain about working with him.
His favourite diva-ish demand is that he really doesn’t want to be on set after lunch.
Very Mediterranean of him. |
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| Kemi Badenoch sounds like she’s the reverse Tucci. Disgruntled aides are gossiping round the Westminster watering holes that she really doesn’t like being asked to do much before lunch. |
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| >> A Dyer Dilemma << |
| Drugs are for mugs |
| Nick Love and Danny Dyer’s new film Marching Powder is out in a couple of weeks, and sounds like it’s vintage Nick Love and Danny Dyer.
In that it is a story about drugs. And the name of the film is a drugs reference. And the main character is a drug-addicted football hooligan who gets arrested on drugs charges.
Sadly nobody told the PRs any of this, so the press, marketing and advertising brief is operating under very strict instructions:
“Do not call it a Drugs Film”. |
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| Zoe Ball often helps out ex-husband Fatboy Slim in his cafe in Hove, their son Woody says. |
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| >> Big Questions << |
| Who’s asking again this week? |
| Which A-list celeb has a tried and tested routine for pulling undergrads on visits to his alma mater?
The technique in question? He asks an undergrad what room she was in, then (no matter what she said) tell her that it was his old room too, funnily enough.
Then ask if he could see it, for old times sake. And once in the room, he seals the deal. |
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| An exhilarating five star double-bill of drag cabaret: Don’t miss Acid’s Reign and Oh My Pain, My Beautiful Pain at Pleasance Theatre until 1st March
[Info/Book] |
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| >> Arc de Triumph << |
| Bread, steak, circuses, ketchup |
| ARC (Jordan Peterson’s Alliance for Responsible Citizenship) rolled into town this week, setting up the striped big top tent at London’s ExCel Centre.
As the diva at the head of the whole shebang, you’d expect Peterson’s rider to be pretty glamorous, wouldn’t you?
In fact it included just two rare steaks, for which he then requested ketchup.
It is unclear whether said ketchup was provided. But it is clear his security also insisted that all water must be tested before Peterson was allowed to drink it. |
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| Also speaking at ARC this week: Nigel Farage, Kemi Badenoch… and Big Suze from Peep Show. |
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| >> End of the Line << |
| Battle bus is out of service |
| This isn’t Jordan Peterson’s first crack at breaking Britain. He visited a few years ago, just as he was starting to get famous, to launch a UK tour.
And like a lot of the newly famous – reality TV stars, influencers etc – he got a bit carried away with his own self-importance.
In meetings with prospective producers to design what the tour would look like, Jordan unveiled a list of demands much bigger than meat and ketchup.
It began with having a special tour “Battle Bus” emblazoned with Peterson’s name and face.
Unsurprisingly, the producers made their excuses and declined the tour. And Jordan never got his battle bus. |
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| CPAC now kicks off, with America’s best and brightest conservatives hosted at the Gaylord Hotel, Maryland. |
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| >> Common People 2.0 << |
| A Different Class |
| More news about Nice Guy Jarvis Cocker from his adopted hometown of Edale.
A bucolic village in the Peak District, slap bang between Sheffield and Manchester, Edale is where Jarvis has lived for a number of years now, with no airs and graces.
Settling into his post-Britpop Country House retirement, Jarvis loves the place so much he’s about to take a seat on the Edale parish council.
Wouldn’t have had that on our 90’s bingo card when he was showing his arse to Michael Jackson. |
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| Q: What do you get when two of Manhattan’s most interesting journalists join together and create a new media start-up?
A: Breaker – an exciting digital publication and podcast detailing all the insider news from NYC.
[Take a look] |
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| >> 1976 << |
| Creative differences |
| The 1975 had relatively humble origins, forming at Wilmslow High School as teenagers all the way back in 2002.
But not everyone ascended to the heights of superstardom. In the early days Matty Healy was initially on drums, with Owen Davies as guitarist.
Luckily for Matty, Owen bailed out early to focus on his studies (Sports Journalism at Leeds), and later worked as a manager at TGI Fridays.
They’re all still very good pals, which is nice. |
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| Timothée Chalamet and Kylie Jenner were spotted at Berghain last weekend. A pre-BAFTAs stop off? |
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| >> Woe Is Mail << |
| The world’s tiniest bin |
| Another week, another tale of woe from the offices of the Daily Mail.
This time, it’s the kitchen that’s in shambles.
Insiders complain about an “endemic fly problem”.
On top of that they’re struggling with:
* Broken fridge handles!
* Microwaves missing glass dishes!
* Faulty bin!
(The Popbitch solidarity fund goes live next week. All donations are welcome.) |
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| Jessica Ennis’ son is pretty good at tennis (currently ranked 64 in under 11s). |
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| >> The other F words << |
| Office Nightmares |
| Gordon Ramsay had his microphone cut at Formula 1’s 75th birthday event in London this week.
He said he was protesting against the sport’s new controversial swearing rules. (Or, perhaps, trying to get some cheap PR and media coverage).
To be fair he’s never been one for workplace codes and etiquette.
Staff at his production company say that his favourite party trick was to take a huge dump in the office loo and leave the door open so everyone could smell his rancid excretia. |
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| Ashley St Clair was the first person in her luxury building to get a Tesla Cybertruck. Can’t think why. |
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| >> Typo Gear << |
| Hamming it up |
| It’s not just Richard Hammond who excels as a grammar nazi (he goes Ron Burgundy if he spots even an apostrophe out of place, over-pronouncing it on purpose, apparently). The entire Top Gear crew are more pedantic than you might think.
A member of the production team who worked on Top Gear in its late aughts heyday says that hundreds of rush cuts of the show’s footage would be sent to Jeremy Clarkson to review himself.
He would then frequently go absolutely mental about even the slightest of typos.
Little wonder that the post-production crew were regularly reduced to tears. |
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| Nominative Determinism of the Week: Scrooge-like “headteacher from hell” in the news this week for ordering Saturday detentions – Alun Ebenezer. |
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| Thanks to: : AA, AL, SOR, JT, JW, SH, PD, FG, WT |
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Old Jokes Home
Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they’re gonna pay.
You have my word.
Still Bored?
What’s David Dickinson doing now?
[Probably seemed like a good idea] |
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