*************************************
Stylist magazine comes to life with Stylist Live, A Festival of Inspiration, from 13–16 Oct 2016 in London. There’s over 150 talks and workshops, Caitlin Moran, cocktails, free beauty treatments, Tanya Burr, Katherine Ryan, 100+ boutique pop-ups… and we have 20 pairs of tickets for Popbitch readers to win!
http://bit.ly/2dGtO46
*************************************
“The habit of gossiping is a habit of terrorism” – Pope Francis
“The only people who don’t like my book are X Factor fans, the gay Mafia and paedos. I can’t help that” – Steve Brookstein
POPBITCH _ _ _ _
_ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__
| ‘_ \ / _ \| ‘_ \| ‘_ \| | __/ __| ‘_ \
| |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |
| .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_|
|_| |_|29.09.17 ISSUE 803
Free email every week
Subscribe http://eepurl.com/XSZoP
Email stories hello@popbitch.com
* Filth and football management
* Clarkson and co on tour
* Charts: James Arthur for No.1?
>> Hollywood lovin’ <<
Who framed Mary Berry?
Everyone was quick to pounce on Paul Hollywood when he failed to thank the beloved Mary Berry in his official statement about the Great British Bake Off, but his love for Mary should never have been in doubt.
In fact, Paul Hollywood’s love for Mary Berry runs so deep that he keeps a framed photo of her on his mantelpiece.
Looks like even Jay Hunt – the woman who set up the GBBO Channel 4 deal – might be bailing on it. There are rumours she’s off to Amazon.
>> Dating de Mooi <<
Make some dauphinoise!
Let’s hope CJ de Mooi makes a better impression on the authorities questioning him about that killing than he
made on one of our readers – who found himself going on a handful of dates with the Egghead back in the 90s.
CJ turned up to their second date clutching a big bunch of red roses, declaring that he was in love (“I think he
thought it was romantic but it was just scarily intense”). CJ went on to be “extremely patronising about dauphinoise potatoes”.
Our reader had never ended a relationship before but, after two weeks of CJ’s bossiness, he broke things off. Luckily before they took any romantic walks by the canal…
According to Adele, Bruno Mars smokes like “an old woman”.
>> Big Football Questions <<
Who’s asking what this week?
All eyes have been on Big Sam Allardyce, but he’s hardly the only offender in the field of English football managers. For example:
Which manager had a habit of shagging his players’ wives, but as soon as he got bored with them (or his missus got close to finding out) he’d transfer their husband out of his club?
Which manager charged his own club four grand to open its new youth training centre?
Which manager insisted on a huge pay-off when he lost a Premier League job, until the HR director showed him a set of photos they’d got a private investigator to take of him hoovering up gak?
The Telegraph’s source Pino Pagliara was known in Manchester as Pinocchio as he used to drive around in an old banger while telling everyone he was a top football agent.
>> Jez they can <<
Clarkson and co on tour
The Grand Tour (aka Top Gear II) is almost upon us. What can we expect? Someone who attended a shoot in California reports back:
* A crowd of 2,000 were bussed into the desert methlands 100 miles east of LA – where they found they had only set up two portaloos.
* It had a Mad Max/Burning Man vibe to it, with circus performers and “monster” vehicles, such as a huge scorpion bursting flames, a truck converted into a galleon with 30-foot sails and a flaming caravan dangling 50 feet off the ground from a giant crane.
* Clarkson, Hammond and May warmed the crowd up with vulgar porno/paedo roasts (which won’t make the cut…)
* Clarkson happily shared his cigarettes with fans and all three were gracious and generous to everyone who approached them.
* The biggest cheer of the day came for the truck that arrived bringing three extra portaloos.
“It’s amazing how a simple, brief phone call can pick up the spirits of the most dejected hamster, the most stressed goldfish and the most neurotic cat” – Noel Edmonds
>> Live and let diet <<
Some food for thought
TV’s Kirstie Allsopp has spent the last 24 hours flipping her wig about someone she saw in a cafe eating a croissant, a ham and cheese sandwich, a can of coke and a cappuccino – all in one sitting.
Imagine what she’ll do if she ever hears about the off-menu special on offer at the L’Alba D’oro chippie in Edinburgh.
Anyone asking for the “Robbie Coltrane” will be served with two fish suppers with sausage, a slice of pizza and four Irn Brus – and will be told of the time that the actor came in and placed that very order. The owners describe in detail how he ate it at the counter while a taxi waited for him outside.
Jamie Vardy’s pre-match drink (port out of a Lucozade bottle) is eerily similar to Amy Winehouse’s Emergency Sangria: red wine and Lucozade.
>> Shaggy dog stories <<
HRC: America’s Debbie McGee
The presidential news cycle is exhausting, but a recent story in the Washington Post relayed a good anecdote from a close friend of Clinton’s.
Apparently when she was First Lady, a staffer was reading a magazine’s allegations aloud that Hillary had had sex with a colleague. Out of the blue, Hillary began to cry, despairing that the press thought she was
capable of doing something so disgusting.
The staffer wasn’t expecting such a strong response to what was a fairly tepid rumour – but it turns out that Hillary had misheard.
She thought the magazine said she’d had sex with a Collie.
*************************************
The man who brought down Gawker is getting into bed with Donald Trump. Get the full story in this month’s
Popbitch Magazine – along with the usual filth and gossip. Download it for smartphones and tablets now!
iOS: http://bit.ly/1bexc8Y
Android: http://bit.ly/1vvdK7H
*************************************
>> In the pink <<
Brian’s geordie love-in
It sounds like the Guild of Professional Geordies are having an AGM. Brian Johnson of AC/DC was in a posh wine shop, getting in supplies for a party he was throwing for famous people from the Tyneside area. Sting, Jimmy Nail, even Alan Shearer (even though Brian described him as a “boring bastard”).
As for the wine, Brian ordered a lot of rose, but didn’t want to splash out on the good stuff as he said his guests “wouldn’t know the difference”.
Nominative Determinism Of The Week: The newly-appointed Head of News at Money Marketing is… Justin Cash!
>> Prodigal Sonny <<
A Syco split on the cards?
News coming out of Sony Music suggests Syco’s MD (and Simon Cowell’s right hand man) Sonny Takhar is unexpectedly leaving the label this year.
Early speculation links it to the fact that Syco has failed to tie any of the One Direction boys down on solo contracts. But surely that can’t be it?
Say what you want about Cowell (and we frequently do) he is well-known for being fiercely loyal. Not only did he famously stand bail for his mate Jonathan King, even more creditably he still keeps Sinitta employed.
When Billy Idol played the Dreamforce conference last year, he changed the lyrics of White Wedding to “It’s a nice day for… CRM”.
>> Flight of fancy <<
Dappy takes it Easy(jet)
A couple of years ago, there was a fad for showbiz bloggers to write books about how you can live like a celebrity on a civilian budget.
Here’s a little tip to add to the pile. Instead of spending lots of money to upgrade to first class, why not do what Dappy did on a recent flight from Ibiza to Stanstead?
Book with a low-cost airline (in Dappy’s case, EasyJet) and use the money that saves to book up three seats instead of one. It still works out cheaper than buying a single economy seat on a regular airline, you get all the space of one of those fancy beds in business class, and it’s guaranteed to have your fellow passengers wondering who that massive hotshot is…
Most obvious brand association of the year? Damian Marley (son of Bob) has teamed up with the Stony Hill cannabis store.
>> Mail impersonators <<
Coffees for the picture desk
Yesterday, in the 24 hours from midnight to midnight, the Daily Mail’s website published 2,150 posts. When you’re churning stuff out at a rate like that, mistakes are inevitably going to be made.
Mistakes like the one in Sarah Vine’s most recent effort about Brad and Angelina’s divorce – where a picture of the couple’s waxworks was used instead of a picture of the actual couple.
Or, even better, the one in a story about the Great British Bake Off, where they used a picture of Morgana Robinson posing as both Mel and Sue, instead of actual Mel and Sue.
*************************************
This week’s Media Masters podcast: Journalist and broadcaster Daniel Finkelstein on looming problems for the Tories on Brexit, Labour’s anti- semitism and journalism’s “bright future”. Listen here: http://bit.ly/2dk9wwy
*************************************
>> Hmmms <<
Russians, racists, vile perverts
Headline of the week: “Ed Sheeran’s Mum Makes Hotdog Jewellery for Framlingham Sausage Festival”
http://bit.ly/2drswuG
Internet traffic stats are largely fake. Also, so is practically everything else:
http://bit.ly/2dtxdUp
Fans of sci-fi podcast To The Manor Borne By Robots can help secure its future by helping it over the line at Kickstarter:
http://kck.st/2cDUeTC
Russia’s huge Soviet-inspired superheroes movie, Guardians, has an English language trailer:
https://youtu.be/WKQERwM8YmU
************************************
Thanks to: JCC, N, SK, B, CMH, GO, soapy_handerton, MS, AO, ME, SG, RT, SW, TK, opus, PD
************************************
Old Jokes Home:
Q/ How many cross-dressers live near Manchester?
A/ Well, nearly 320,000 people round there have a Wigan address
Still Bored?
The Final Countdown, arranged for floppy disks, scanners and printers:
http://bit.ly/2d88brk
