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* Celebrity court cases: 2015!
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“I tried to register on Twitter. Guess who’d already registered my name? Perez Hilton!” – Alexis Arquette
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|_| |_|22.01.15 ISSUE 722
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* Damien Hirst’s empty gob
* Brian Harvey’s new track
* Ronson v Meghan for No 1
>> RIP Deirdre <<
Weatherfield One is free
Tributes have been pouring in for the late Anne Kirkbride, best known for playing Deirdre Barlow on Coronation Street.
One of the reasons for Anne’s huge popularity on the Corrie set? She could always be relied upon to provide the cast with a decent bifta.
28th Feb is UKIP Night on Channel 4. First a drama about UKIP’s first 100 days in power, followed by Farage being interviewed by…Jeremy Paxman.
>> Big Questions <<
Who’s asking what this week?
Which self-important celeb has been drawing a bit too much inspiration from The Wire? Paranoid that she might be being tracked or hacked, she has been demanding that her PAs keep her supplied with a steady stream of ‘burners’ – sketchily acquired phones she can dump without hassle.
Alan Ruck, aka Cameron in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, will be sixty next year. Sixty.
>> Barely Regal <<
James Hewitt’s jazz hands
It’s been a while since we’ve had any cause to think about the reproductive organs of ginger-haired Diana boffer, James Hewitt but we heard this story earlier this week, and we don’t intend to suffer it alone.
We’re told that James Hewitt used to buy his jazz mags from Granada Services on the M5.
Know where any other celebs buy their smut? hello@popbitch.com
Finchy from The Office was in the Sutton Arms, Smithfield on Friday. His mates got into a “proper pissed-up scrap”. Finchy played peacemaker.
>> Gummy business <<
Modern art is toothless
Damien Hirst has no teeth. Apparently he had them all removed and replaced.
He was so happy with the job that he went out and bought his dentist a Ferrari.
Surrey residents claim ID’s Zayn is Liam’s most frequent house guest. Bad luck Larry Shippers – looks like the Ziamists are the winners…
>> Popbits <<
Shouldering the blame
We think we might have found the best Europop tune since Whigfield’s Saturday Night.
Dancing Shoulders, by Carolein.
It’s got everything. There’s a dance (basically you shake your shoulders to make your “apples” dance); there’s a mad video (a group of people with misshapen mirrorball heads); great lyrics (“I shake my ass / My ass has friends on Facebook”) and one motherfucker of a catchy tune.
Someone sign it!
What’s worse than the news that Meghan Trainor and Harry Styles are writing songs together? That they’re writing them on a ukulele.
>> Fishy stories <<
Something don’t add up
Tues 20th January, mailonline:
“Don’t bother with taking fish oil for brain health: the evidence isn’t convincing… Trials of fish oil have not shown any benefit for memory…”
Tues 20th January, mailonline:
“Older people with memory problems can boost their brain power with fish oil supplements.”
Looks like it might already be too late for someone in the Mail’s newsroom.
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>> Harvey Wallbanger <<
Bri takes on the management
In all the excitement of seeing Brian Harvey smash up his gold records on camera, another video that Bri has posted seems to have been overlooked. A new rap track called “Fuck That!!” – with the catchy subtitle “Paedophiles don’t know shit about music”.
Weirdly, Brian has chosen to colour the letters T, O and M in red. Could it be a reference to East 17’s old manager, Tom Watkins?
Brian seemed to blame Tom for having to leave the band in the wake of his infamous ecstacy comments – but Bri better have something more substantial to go on than just a chip on his shoulder. The last we heard Tom was undergoing cancer treatment, and being unfairly smeared by pop’s premier paedo-hunter is unlikely to aid his recovery.
Brussels is a step ahead of the UK’s BBQ/burger/meat scene. Restaurant The Colonel has an actual butchery station right in the middle of it.
>> House of rats <<
The pets of Paris Hilton
Paris Hilton was spotted last week taking her new $13k Pomeranian puppy, Princess Paris Jnr, to the World Dog Awards. She says she’s got eight dogs now in total.
When she was a 12 year-old schoolkid, Paris was obsessed with animals, but back then it was rats. She kept a wendy house full of them in her LA garden. She was also really into Beverly Hills 90210 at the time so she named each one of the rats after the actors in it – Brian, Tori, Shannon etc.
FYI: Her sister Nicky told us that Paris grew up wanting to be a vet, until she found out her duties would include putting animals to sleep, which she said she just couldn’t do. So she became Paris Hilton instead.
Most shared national newspaper story on Twitter in 2014? “A Mail Online story about a YouTube programme teaching dog owners how to prepare meals for their pets.”
>> Eboled over <<
Better late than never
Back in September the US Center for Disease Control and Prevention predicted that the ebola infection rate in Liberia and Sierra Leone could be as high as 1.4m by January. This prediction led to all sorts of aid appeals – including yet another version of Do They Know It’s Christmas?
As Band Aid prepares to make its first donation to the area, just how is West Africa faring?
The Washington Post reports that “the rate of infection has declined so sharply that several of the US built treatment centers haven’t seen a single patient”.
The big international aid funded centres are just opening to find that actual infections across the region are 21,400. Less than 2% of the predicted rate.
New cases in Liberia are fewer than 1 per day (“10 confirmed Ebola cases as of 12 January 2015 in the whole country” – Liberia health ministry) and Guinea is so confident the outbreak is almost contained that schools are preparing to re-open.
We’re delighted to see West Africa rebounding. Hopefully this will put a stop to us patronising these countries
with quite so much guff about how vital it is that we save them.
In Latvia, Ed Sheeran is known as Eda Širana.
>> Seal of approval <<
Geldof’s White Christmas
One of the criticisms levelled at Band Aid 30’s ebola remix was that almost all of the artists who got involved just so happened to be white.
Well, it turns out that it might have been a whole lot whiter had it not been for Seal’s ego. Word is that he hadn’t actually been invited to take part in it; Seal just turned up on the day.
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Next Tues, 27th Jan, Picturehouse cinemas across the country are showing Beyond Clueless, the documentary about teen movies. See trailer and get tickets here:
http://bit.ly/1E5f2Km
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>> Hmmms <<
Lucy, tattoo, Darwin
Michael Musto has an excellent interview with Alexis Arquette:
http://bit.ly/1yIPuQg
Scarlett Johansson’s Lucy is out on DVD now. It got our favourite film review ever:
http://bit.ly/15edSgj
Support men’s health charity Calm and have a great night out. CALMfest, 29 Jan, Hoxton.
http://bit.ly/1yIPrUL
Odd that Stig Abell would quote Marcus Aurelius about “the truth” given The Sun’s history with that phrase:
http://bit.ly/1unjHi9
“New Macs are based on Darwinism!… it is well known among the computer elite, who are mostly Atheists and Pagans”
http://bit.ly/1yMi01U
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Thanks: HD, GF, pauline, LC, PB, thebestnameshavegone, D, mrsix, spank_daley, GA, pk, bobbifleckmann, G, ulysses
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Old Jokes Home:
Doing the rounds at Davos this week
Q/ How many economists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A/ None. If it was broken, the market would have fixed it.
Still Bored?
Gruesome twosome? It’s will.i.am and someone famous…
http://bit.ly/1E45lsP
