Beavers And Furrows

Three years after we first alerted readers to the fact that Katie Price was heading for financial catastrophe, the tabloids are now catching up.Her (ahem) pricey court case against Peter Andre and former management left her with a load of legal charges secured on her house and, from what we’ve seen, she’s more than a million in negative equity.

Selling her farmyard animals, llamas, horses and jewellery is only expected to bring in about 30K – so how is she intending to cobble together the rest? Apparently this week’s X-rated holiday photoshoot was just her dipping her toe in in advance of a full-on sex tape release.

Speaking of which, given that there are still clips of Dane Bowers doing exactly that to her all over the internet for free, she’s really going to have to pull out the big guns with her current boyfriend to net the sort of payload she needs.

He’ll maybe need to get the vodka in.

They say that the bottom’s fallen out of print media – and nowhere was that more true than at Ladbrokes’ summer party last week.

Whether it was the food, the booze, or just the excitement of getting to leave their desk for more than 15 consecutive minutes, something disastrous happened to the guts of one of the invited guests aboard their Thames party boat.

As well as doing a pretty comprehensive job of ruining the toilet, one of Fleet Street’s finest left his spent Calvin Kleins folded up in a dirty heap in the corner of the room.

Which Love Island contestant is definitely telling the truth when they say they’re close to their family? They once attended an orgy alongside their mum…

Sacha Baron Cohen’s latest show, Who Is America?, has been making headlines on both sides of the Atlantic – no thanks to Channel 4.

C4 put on a press screening for UK journos last Monday to preview the series’ explosive first episode. They forced hacks to hand over their phones and put them under a strict embargo, forbidding them to write anything about it or leak any details before the episode aired at 10pm that evening.

There was just one problem. The same episode had aired in full the night before in the US. So as thousands of words’ worth of thinkpieces were being blasted around the internet, the show’s standout moments were uploaded to social media and the entire thing became freely available on pirate streaming sites – the only people in the world forbidden from voicing their opinion on the show were… the critics they had specifically invited to review it.

There’s a rumour currently swirling around Westminster about a certain political power couple and their supposed penchant for throwing occasional swinging parties.

These sorts of stories always do the rounds whenever politicos are trying to discredit their foes, so it’s sensible take them with a pinch of salt.

However.

If Michael Gove has any friends left in Whitehall, they might want to have a quiet word in his ear and clue him in – because a lot of people have been getting a good laugh from the book title he was spotted flaunting on Liz Truss’s Instagram this week.

[See on Instagram]

And as for whoever it is in his department that’s been getting him to repeatedly retweet the #BeaverFever hashtag this week – we salute you!

[See on Twitter]

After months of stories about him running sex cults in Chicago and Atlanta, R Kelly has responded to the allegations in the most R Kelly way possible: by releasing a 19-minute ‘song’ called I Admit.It’s the most astonishingly shameless and tone-deaf response since OJ Simpson wrote If I Did It – the book in which he imagined how he might have ‘hypothetically’ murdered his ex-wife and her friend if he’d have been so inclined.

But which is worse? OJ’s memoir on murder? Or R Kelly’s song about sex crimes?

There’s only one way to find out…

[Read Who Did It Worst?]

You’d have thought that pop stars would have learned from the mistakes of Brian Harvey and checked themselves into rehab the second they looked like they were developing an addiction to potatoes. Not Nadine Coyle though.

The Girls Aloud star broke her silence this week in an interview with iNews – claiming that she hasn’t done a show for at least a decade without having a sneaky potato before going on stage.

Nadine, it’s never too late to ask for help. We only hope and pray that you get it before you end up under the wheels of your own car.

A lot of journalists in New York are understandably sad and angry that the New York Daily News was gutted this week by its ruthlessly corporate owner, Tronc (formerly Tribune Publishing).The shock of seeing the paper lose half its headcount on one day was so great that even staffers from its erstwhile rival, the New York Post, sent the laid-off staff messages of support and solidarity.

Which is all very touching. A gesture marred only by the fact that the Post’s publisher and CEO is Jesse Angelo: son of the founder of the investment firm Angelo Gordon – a former backer of Tribune Publishing, which helped strip the company for parts in the first place.

The York Press had a great local story earlier this week about a Yorkshire mum of three who has signed on for a lead role in a Hollywood movie. Sadly, the article appears to have since been pulled from their site.

We’re really hoping that it isn’t because of any complications with the extremely legitimate sounding production in question because we looked the movie up on the director’s own website and we aren’t mincing our words when we say that Gangsters’ Wives is going to be the single greatest movie of the 21st century.

Find a comfortable seat, unbuckle your belt and get ready for a synopsis that will break your brain.

[Read up on Gangsters’ Wives]

Yes, LADbible hired a topless woman for their staff summer party like we said they did, but only *accidentally*
[A follow-up on Business Insider]

Signed up to Agate with us? You can now use your wallet on The New European too! See how they blame Dad’s Army for Brexit
[Read on The New European]

New Goldman Sachs CEO David Solomon (aka DJ D-Sol) has released a rather prosaic remix of Fleetwood Mac’s Don’t Stop
[Listen on Spotify]

The Lambeth Country Show vegetable sculptures really outdid themselves this year
[See on TimeOut]

Otter orphans helping other otter orphans!
[See on Facebook]

Local news of the week: “Mystery Giant Penises Are Plaguing This Devon Road”
[Read on Devon Live]

Is Noel Edmonds responsible for the current Brexit crisis?
[Read on Vice]

If you have the hump with the heat go try the Spicy Maghreb Camelissimo Burger (yes, that’s a camel burger) at the Lord Nelson on Union Street SE1
[Eat at Lord Nelson]

Everything you ever wanted to know about Goop
[Read on New York Times]

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