“I’ve been spiritually aware from around the age of seven, when I saw my brothers pouring boiling water on to an ants’ nest” – Melinda Messenger
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|_| |_| 20.06.13 ISSUE 647
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* Cilla’s good fairy saves the day
* Lloyd Daniels’ media management
* Charts: Thicke v Derulo for no 1
>> It’s a clock-out <<
When the big hand touches 13
Stuart Hall is famously fond of antique clocks and amassed an impressive collection over the years.
While the kind of behaviour that Hall was jailed for came as a surprise, many colleagues at Granada remembered him for his wandering eye and “party hands”.
They’d always know when Mrs Hall noticed too. Nothing much would be said. But a clock somehow end up being smashed.
Before sentencing, Stuart Hall’s lawyer said he would be happy with anything under 10 years.
>> Gangsta’s hell <<
You know it’s all over when…
Coolio had one of the worst weeks of any celebrity that we’ve ever seen. This is what a Big Brother contestant had to say about him:
“I snogged Coolio when I was 19. I closed my eyes and pretended he was 50 Cent”.
Not desirable enough for a Big Brother wannabe? Oh, Coolio…
Sweden look set to outlaw bestiality and close the “animal didn’t suffer” loophole. Zoophiles, you have until January 1st.
>> Odious <<
How PRS see papers
* NME attacks soft-target, bland singer Tom Odell with comedy 0/10 review.
* Odell’s Dad rings NME to complain.
* NME sees PR opportunity and tells everyone.
Easy to feel sorry for Odell? Think again. “When contacted by The Independent, Tom Odell’s publicist refused to comment but said he would consider “pulling” an interview due to run in Saturday’s edition of this newspaper should a news story which upset Mr Odell or his representatives appear”.
FYI: How important would an interview be to the Indy? Odell has released three singles so far, charting at 67, 44 and 11.
Would you or wouldn’t you? The internet dating site where you don’t have to take a risk. Now with free trial… http://bit.ly/14LFLbT
>> Big Questions <<
What people are asking this week
Which Brit popstar was glad to entertain rumours that she might have been pregnant when she was forced to cancel some gigs? The swollen belly wasn’t anything to do with a new arrival; it was a rather unfortunate, but little known symptom of genital herpes. Suddenly those “Is she pregnant?” spreads in the weeklies take on a doubly gruesome veneer…
Gruesome twosome? If gossips from 70s San Francisco are to be believed, Mark Hamill and Alec Guinness were clashing more than just lightsabers on the set of Star Wars.
>> Cilla filler <<
A lorra, lorra changes
50 Years of Cilla Black is one of the big shows on ITV’s schedule this September, but it’s having some production difficulties.
Originally Jimmy Tarbuck was going to host, but his recent arrest means that he’s not quite the hot ticket he once was. So Dale Winton and Barbara Windsor were drafted in to replace him, but Dale has since decided that he didn’t want to host with Babs.
Filling the Dale-shaped hole? The ever-reliable Christopher Biggins, the man Cilla calls her “good fairy”.
FYI: Anyone know what Dale’s beef with Babs is? [email protected]
Popbitch’s favourite gourmet sausage maker…? Lavistown’s Olivia Goodwillie.
>> Surprise, surprise <<
Winton: the new Ricky Martin
Speaking of Dale Winton… like many big stars (Ricky Martin, Mariah Carey), Dale has a special custom light-fitting which he needs whenever he’s doing a filmed appearance.
All well and celebrity normal – except for the time he agreed to go and do a surprise visit for some sick kids.
Very sweet of him to give up the time, but perhaps the lighting crew lugging in the equipment and lights to set up for him in advance meant that it was a little less of a surprise than intended.
Mani from the Stone Roses’ chip shop order: pudding, chips and gravy.
>> Ol’ chokey <<
Some really bad handling
Charles Saatchi’s not the only high-flyer who has a habit of getting a little handsy. Chris Albrecht, who was the head of HBO at its Sopranos era peak, is a well-practiced choker. Not the sexy, Michael Hutchence stuff. Angry strangling.
One of his exes was paid off with $400K in 1991 after a throttling incident. But in 2007, he did it again. And this time it couldn’t be paid off quietly. The problem wasn’t just that it was in public. Or even that it was outside a Vegas casino. The problem was that it was on Mayweather v De La Hoya’s Fight Night – one of the biggest boxing nights of the decade. And exclusively promoted by HBO. Their biggest money-making night of the year, with a then-record $120m pay-per-view take. There was an attempt to get the girl to sign a lawyer-written letter which explained it takes two to strangle… and then, at Time Warner’s request, he left.
You’d have thought someone at M&C Saatchi would have reworded their website slogan on Monday: The brutal simplicity of thought.
>> The gay discourse <<
Lloyd doesn’t like labels
When you learn PR from the Simon Cowell/X Factor school, it really has a long-lasting effect.
Lloyd Daniels (out of Danyl-and-Lloyd-X-Factor-romance rumour fame) is trying his hand at stage acting. Although the play in which he stars (Up4ameet) is about men who meet through a gay hook-up site, boasts the strap-line “The naked gay comedy!” and has a poster which features Lloyd in his muscly, all-but-nude glory, he got so annoyed with a gay website writing a preview on the play who described him as ‘gay’, he asked them to change the description.
FYI: Lloyd Fans, you can often find him posting nearly-nude selfies on Twitter.
Derek Jacobi has been complaining that he received more fanmail after playing the Master for three minutes in Doctor Who, than for all of his other work.
>> Where there’s smoke… <<
…there’s footballers for hire
It’s not all Dubai holidays, Cirroc vodka parties and racehorse-owning for ageing footballers. Rhys Evans, former England under-21 goalkeeper at Chelsea Blackpool, Swindon etc made a special guest appearance last month at the opening of a new “adult boutique” in Swindon. Apparently Rhys chatted with guests who attended the launch and introduced the range of “Shisha Sticks”, “designed to provide the finest smoking experience without any harmful toxins”.
Peter Andre’s been cycling in Zanzibar. Although he looks fit, we’re told “all he does is weights so he struggled to cycle.”
>> Seal of disapproval <<
The singer gets shouty
Is everything OK with Seal? He’s currently a judge on Australia’s The Voice, and is staying at the loathsome Star Casino hotel. When fellow judge, Joel Madden, was dobbed in to the cops by hotel staff after they somewhat suspiciously happened to find a tiny bit of weed hidden in a shoebox in his room, Seal came to his rescue. You may have seen him launching into a tirade against the hotel on Twitter, “Keep it up Judas. I’m done here”. He then deleted it, claiming his outburst was because he was missing his kids, who he hadn’t seen for 12 weeks.
Seal’s kids are with him in Australia. He’s still staying at the “Judas” hotel.
TV to look out for: Talks Music. The great Malcolm Gerrie (punched by Russell Crowe at BAFTAs) interviews music stars like Nile Rodgers and Debbie Harry for Sky Arts.
>> Hmmms <<
Mata, Otter, Leslie
Even alleged sex offenders are getting in on the nominative determinism act:
Jane Bussmann (South Park; Brass Eye) has a new sitcom try-out with Sally Phillips and Kayvan Novak and she’s putting on screenings in London on Thu 27 June & Weds 3 July. We had a sneak peak and it’s great. Want to go?
RSVP: [email protected]
The Rev would be chuffed. Finally, someone’s making artisanal tin-foil hats:
Paul Danan @PaulyDanan: RIP Jim Gandolfini you were an inspiration to me!we shared the same manager and ill never forget our incredible night out we had in London!X
Extreme dog grooming. The Sesame Streets dog rocks!
Truck Stop – largest collection of quality food trucks ever assembled in London. Plus cocktails, gin bar, Camden Town brewery beers. 4/5 June Info and tickets here: http://www.truckstoplondon.com
Thanks to: trellis, hotbotbeb, SK, CA, fayekorgasm, cunteyes, clarabelle, SG, MW, GW, deep_stoat, AM, JB, DN, AP, WB
Old Jokes Home:
I was almost late for my Cocaine Awareness Course last night.
Talk about cutting it fine.
Exclusive clips of the greatest show ever made: