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“Everything I say leaks. It sucks” – Mark Zuckerberg |
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Email stories to us hello@popbitch.com
* Louis Walsh Revisited
* Celeb Baby Chronicles
* PLUS: Nice Guy Jarvis Cocker |
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| >> Be prepared << |
| Not the sweet smell of success |
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Falling advertising, disappearing viewers, noncing scandals – the troubles for broadcast TV seem never-ending these days.But perhaps things at ITV have hit a new low.
At ITN – their flagship news service – they are having to deal with a further collapse. The sewage system.
Insiders say this week the stench from the sewers got so bad that in the basement studio presenters were gagging and retching between takes.
An all-office, ominous email was subsequently sent out warning staff: “The terrible smell has returned in the entrance to the studio and is inside now. It has been reported but it is foul. Be prepared”. |
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| Sky News yesterday confirmed what we told you in December – veteran presenter Kay Burley is out the door and on to pastures new. |
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| >> Mummy’s BNO << |
| This Barbie loves Clapham Infernos |
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Benedict Cumberbatch’s appearance at the interactive theatre show, You Me Bum Bum Train, has set the bar high for celebrity cameos.A high bar that was maintained by Margot Robbie this week. She mingled with normies south of the river at 58th Street, a jazz-themed immersive dining theatre thing in Peckham, joining the conga and downing the dirty martinis like a pro. |
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| Nominative Determinism of the Week: Intimacy co-ordinator Sophie Cooch. |
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| >> Big Questions << |
| Who’s asking what this week? |
| Which celeb Oxbridge graduate is supposedly banned from visiting their old college as their behaviour around undergrads is considered “less than appropriate”? |
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Australia’s answer to The Archers is rather good!
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>>
Surge Pricing << |
| Taxi for Northcliffe House |
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It’s cuts, cuts and more cuts over at the Daily Mail offices. In fact things are getting so bleak that the accounting departments are starting to scour their reporters’ expense claims, much to everyone’s dismay.Reporters have access to a work Uber account, and loads of them were using it liberally for any trips they wanted to take on or off the clock.
Last week the company’s accounts team realised the scale of the damage and started billing reporters hundreds of pounds each for several years’ worth of illicit Uber-taking.
In a stern email they reminded staff that the work Uber account is only for use in Zones 1-4 and only for staff finishing a shift at 11pm or starting at 6am. Or if there’s a rail strike.
Some of the bills are so big they’re offering staff payment plans to settle their debts. |
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| Rachel Reeves dined at Browns restaurant in Leeds recently and racked up a £300 bill. Don’t worry though, she also asked for the service charge to be taken off. |
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| >> Little Darlings << |
| Celeb baby chronicles |
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You can tell a lot about the parenting skills of celebs when you meet the offspring even for a few minutes.If you don’t believe us, believe Father Christmas. Or one of the Father Christmases from LaplandUK, the favourite festive haunt of slebs and their sprogs.
From this season’s madness, FC reports:
“Peter Andre’s offspring are wonderfully well behaved (probably the influence of Dr Emily?) whereas Joe Wicks’ tribe are feral and completely hyper. Who’d have thought!”
FYI: It wasn’t just the kids on the naughty list. Jimmy Carr really didn’t take very well to being told to ‘Cheer up you grumpalump’ by one of the elves. |
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| Katie Price has just had a nose job, to add to her six face lifts and 17 boob jobs. |
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| >> Louis Cypher << |
| Boyzone revisited |
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The current Boyzone TV show seems to have caused quite a stir – particularly when looking at Louis Walsh’s management techniques. As the show details, one of Walsh’s favourite PR tricks was to plant dating stories in the red-tops. His scoops included: Stephen Gately getting engaged to Irish singer Kerri-Ann (another of Walsh’s acts), and Mark from Westlife dating one of Bellefire (ditto). And as much of a surprise to Mark as the engagement was to Stephen before him.They surely can’t have been too much of a big reveal, though. As far back as 2001 we were running stories about this, headlined “Lying Louis”, “The Return of Lying Louis” and “Meet Louis ‘Cypher’ Walsh.
Tabloids and magazines were happy to print such obvious bollocks as it was useful to stay friendly with Walsh, who was generally seen as a good, fun, gossipy ally by the noughties pop media.
And, to be fair, he never really hid from his bands what he thought of their place within the pop industry. As Boyzone started to get famous, there came a time when some of the band members questioned whether or not they should get rid of their manager and go it alone.
They had so many fans – they told him – they just didn’t need Walsh any more.
Instead of arguing, Louis just marched the boys out to his car and lifted up the boot. It was jammed full with hundreds and hundreds of Boyzone singles.
“See boys,” says Louis, “Here are ‘your fans'”.
They never mentioned changing their manager again. |
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| Colin Farrell auditioned for Boyzone but didn’t get in. |
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>>
Track record << |
| One of their own |
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While you would think all of talkSPORT’s focus this month would be on the launch of their new smart TV channel, their senior leadership has other ideas.Head of Content Joe Amphlett, for instance, is using his downtime to release an entire album.
Entitled “Songs from the 17th Floor” (where the talkSPORT offices are located in the News UK building), it features bangers which could be construed as diss tracks about his co-workers.
Songs like “She won’t listen” and “She had to go away” are followed by “You’re a liar” and “Empire Falling”, which includes the repeated lyrics “you know nobody likes you” when referring to someone who has tried to speak badly about the singer.
Check it out for yourself –
[It’s on Spotify] |
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| Brody Jenner says he’s not allowed to go on sister Kylie’s $73 million private jet. |
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| >> His’n’Hers << |
| A friend of the pod |
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Big news in the podcast world. Persephonica (the production company which previously brought you the News Agents and is currently behind BBC Sounds, Dua Lipa’s At Your Service and Political Currency) has just announced an absolute “coup” hire.The hire in question is the highly-regarded BBC producer Fiona Hanlon, something CEO Dino Sofos is very excited about.
“A huge coup for Persephonica!” he wrote on X. “@TheFionaHanlon has an eye for spotting gaps in the market and matching top talent with unique ideas. We are incredibly lucky to have such a creative powerhouse leading the team into an exciting new chapter”.
She also just happens to be his wife. |
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| Americans are expected to bet $1.5bn legally on the Super Bowl this weekend, according to industry analysts Eilers & Krejcik. |
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| >> Like a Friend << |
| With the Common People |
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It’s not just Noel Gallagher who apparently behaves impeccably at festivals. Fellow Britpop legend Jarvis Cocker is the same.At the Blur reunion gig at Hyde Park in 2009 he was spotted just outside the chaos of the mosh pit, nonchalantly enjoying his old rivals’ show.
When fans saw him he posted for photos and handed out to them some of the free beers he was getting from adoring (Blur) fans.
Britpop’s reputation for rock’n’roll and bad behaviour is apparently somewhat over-egged. |
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[Sign up here] |
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| >> Hmmms << |
| Internet time-wasting |
| A YouTuber has attempted to complete Pete Doherty’s mammoth fry-up, for $2,000.
[Watch]
A fix for London’s terrible phone signal?
[On London Spy]
Elon Musk claimed Ben Stiller got paid $$$ by USAID to go to Ukraine.
[“Lies”, says Ben]
Badger on badger wins wildlife photo of the year
[No baboon in sight]
Was Elvis Presley a telepathic demi-god who could heal the sick and change the weather?
[Asks the Guardian]
Ireland’s TV show to choose a Eurovision winner is tonight and one of the five contenders is.. Samantha Mumba!
[Listen here]
Want to buy an election debate podium – pre-used?
[Thanks ITV] |
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| Thanks to: T, FC, RH, AP, JP, EM, Triflemonster C, RL, WC, dublinboy, N, monstris |
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| Old Jokes Home
I was conceived on an Eames chair. It was in vitra fertilisation.
Still Bored?
You’re nobody in the Gulf until you have a lion or tiger as a pet. It’s normal to walk them round the block, take them for a drive in your sports car, or invite Phil Foden round to feed it… isn’t it?
[Read on Semafor] |
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