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Father Ted’s Pauline McLynn and legendary voice of Blur’s Parklife Phil Daniels fuel the chaos under candlelight in The Knight of the Burning Pestle at the Sam Wanamaker Playhouse this Xmas, Shakespeare’s Globe. Free mulled wine, mince pie tix with code PCDPOP (20-30 Dec):
http://bit.ly/1vqShMt
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“I’m the governor at banter”- Jimmy Bullard
POPBITCH _ _ _ _
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|_| |_| 04.12.14 ISSUE 717
Free email every week
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Email stories hello@popbitch.com
* Jokes with Beth Orton
* A Wintour’s Tail
* Charts: Union J for no 1
>> Ghostbusted <<
Writing wrongs
Christmas came early for Random House this week, with news that the novel by YouTube beauty vlogger, Zoella, debuted with enormous first week sales of 78,000 copies.
Few people would be surprised to learn that she had some help writing it (what celebrity doesn’t?). It’s also no
surprise that she doesn’t want to admit it was ghostwritten (again, what celebrity would?)
But it does seem a little sad if the rumour going around is true that the chosen ghostwriter, Siobhan Curham got a flat fee, and won’t see an additional penny from those sales. Let’s hope her agent got her a decent fee, as some of the other ghost candidates approached were being offered around eight grand.
Scholatic Books signed up teen pop star Talia Storm this week. Anyone approached to ghostwrite her book: demand a royalties clause!
>> Big Questions <<
Who wants to know what?
Which media couple saddened friends this year when they announced they were to separate? They’d always seemed so in tune with each other’s needs. For his birthday she bought him 24 hours with a prostitute and for her’s, he bought her a sixsome with four other women.
Shame it’s not more like South Korea here: pop star Jessica Jung was thrown out of Girls Generation for starting her own clothes line.
>> Keeping shut up… <<
…with the Kardashians
Kim Kardashian’s been accusing her best friend, Jonathan Cheban, of leaking stories to the media about sister Kourtney and her relationship woes with Scott Disick. Well, he might be, but we haven’t seen his name attached to any of the stories circulating for cash. Which is something that can’t be said of, erm… Scott Disick.
Oh, and Kim: you might want to avoid telling anything important to anyone you know who describes themselves as a “sports executive and family friend”. Because he’s at it too.
The white throated snapping turtle breathes through its arse.
>> A Wintour’s tail <<
Conde Nast: no sinking ship
Conde Nast have delayed moving into their new Manhattan office at One World Trade Center. It’s full of rodents and Anna Wintour is not amused. But before she gets too up in arms about it, perhaps we should explain how the little buggers are thought to have got in.
Wintour made such specific requests for the layout of her offices – demanding that ugly walls be removed left, right and centre – that the rats have inadvertently been given the run of the place.
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Get a mahoosive 20% off the rudest and funniest festive cards & gifts. Just use the voucher code pb20 at checkout. Christmas – it’s so close you can almost smell it!
http://www.deanmorriscards.co.uk/
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>> Swiss cheese <<
Who is this C4 star?
SRD writes:
“I was in a Thai massage parlour (just regular massages) in Swiss Cottage, and the masseuse had to stop part way through and get her friend to take over. A man then came out of his room to complain to management
that his massage girl was “a nice girl, but she has no strength”. After complaining for an embarrassing five mins, even after they told him that they would switch to the girl he had last time he came out with the big guns: “I’m a very famous person. I’m on Channel 4, look me up. I’m internationally known.”
“I couldn’t see who it was. Can any readers work it out?”
Nice to see the Russians learning our PR ways – Kalashnikov’s new slogan is “Protecting Peace”.
>> Aladdinsane <<
TOWIE pantomime down under
TOWIE wannabe Bobby Norris was flown out to Australia to support Gemma Collins. When offering to do interviews he asked journalists calling the hotel to ask for “Aladdin” and not “Bobby” – so as not to alert his millions and millions of Aussie fans to his whereabouts.
Newington Green Veg Shop, pt 2 of 1: Bobby Gillespie and Hardeep Singh Kohli are also regulars, not just Allegra Stratton.
>> Folk jokes <<
The smell gets everywhere
RF writes:
“Your Old Jokes Home last week reminded me of the best gig heckle I ever heard.
“Beth Orton, Sheffield City Hall circa the Edwina diaries revelation – she attempted to tell the same joke on stage. She got as far as ‘What’s grey and smells of curry?’ Then, as she paused to deliver the punchline, a lone voice in the crowd shouted:
“ROTHERHAM!”
Ed Sheeran is the most listened to artist on Spotify. So much for it saving the music industry…
>> TV Bet Update <<
IACGMOH/XF/Strictly
* We told you that early faves never, ever win I’m A Celeb… Jimmy Bullard’s eviction was no surprise. Carl Fogerty is dropping down the betting like a stone though, is he worth a few quid?
Bet here:
http://bit.ly/1yiSZbH
* X Factor – too close to call? Fleur was working with a number of dance producers last year, like DJ Fresh and Cicada. She’s described as “absolutely lovely” and “down to earth”. Go Fleur!
Listen:
http://bit.ly/1CIkN0T
Titanbet have a good offer. Bet 10, get 20 as a free bet! (We’ve just gone on Frankie for Strictly). Check out all TV specials here:
http://bit.ly/1yiSZbH
Liam Payne, star of One Direction and *that* Vine, spotted in the Nags Head Inn, Woking. He’s thought to be moving into the area.
>> Hmmms <<
Rock, Mist, baubles
RIP Scarlet Mist, the non-tout ticket exchange:
http://on.fb.me/1zUq67M
Marc Almond/Soft Cell – Limited edition career-spanning photo book with Marc’s personal commentary. 1000 copies only with exclusive 7″ vinyl. Last few Punk+, Saint Etienne and Genesis Breyer P-Orridge remaining:
http://www.firstthirdbooks.com
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THANKS: JR, IC, NR, mountstnobody, EN, MS, ptbear, EN, mosntris, __________
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Old Jokes Home
Jimmy Savile, Stuart Hall and Rolf Harris walk into an Irish bar.
The barman says, “Oh no, not Yewtree again.”
Still Bored:
Currie Pie!
http://bit.ly/1w3wiNm
