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Chipshop At The Chip Shop

 

Mary Beard talks to Simon Callow about art, people and civilisation. Tuesday 14th May, University College, London 7pm. Early-bird tickets (with or without a copy of the book) are available now. 15% discount with code POPBITCH
[Book with How To Academy]
“I’m nice at ping pong” – Kanye West
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* Mickey Rourke’s Winehouse vision
* Dale Winton’s drive-by cunting
* PLUS: Who’s getting in swinging shape?
>> Race for the Price <<
Clear mind, full lungs, can’t finish
 

As expected, Katie Price’s day out at the races on Sunday was a fiasco from start to finish (well, technically, about 30km from the finish – which is where she pulled out to have an ice cream).

Katie did have the good sense to cancel the 2am nightclub appearance she had been booked to do in North Yorkshire mere hours before the marathon was due to begin in Blackheath – but, even so, she still managed to miss her pre-race press interviews.

Why? It seems she’d struggled to get on a train while wearing that huge set of lungs.

A hairdresser who worked with the Kardashians for four years said that Khloe was the only one who ever offered him so much as a glass of water.
>> Anonymous abuse <<
Ant-y social behaviour
 

Ant McPartlin may have the support of some of his ITV co-stars (definitely all the ones who share the same management, James Grant) but he’s been putting some pretty high-powered noses out of joint at various London chapters of Alcoholics and Narcotics Anonymous.

A lot of the celebs that attend are displeased at the way he’s chosen to portray his problems in the press in order to minimise the PR fallout, as they feel he is being cavalier about an issue that is extremely personal to a lot of them.

They’ll no doubt forgive him if/when he shows he’s serious about getting help but, until such a time, if he does manage to keep his job at ITV, then he may find that it’s harder and harder to book willing celeb guests on Saturday Night Takeaway or I’m A Celebrity.

Dan Wootton’s final Bizarre column ran in last weekend’s Sun. How many pictures of his own face did he manage to include across the double-page spread? We counted 19.
>> Big Questions <<
Who’s asking what this week?
 

Which celebrity TV foodie has been trying to lose a little bit of weight recently? Not because they’re particularly interested in healthy eating, but because they’ve become very self-conscious that they aren’t getting the action they once were at swinging parties?

(Hand on heart, we promise this isn’t another James Martin story…)

British Gas, EDF and now Scottish Power put their prices up again. Twats. Yet you still don’t switch. Why not get the experts to do it for you? New FREE service LOOK AFTER MY BILLS switches you to the best deal every year without you lifting a finger! Two minute sign up. £250+ saving every year. Do it.
[http://www.lookaftermybills.com]
>> Ricky business <<
Back room deals with Sid
 

Sid Owen’s been drafted in to front a new ad campaign for Paddy Power. It’s an extremely canny hire from PP, as Sid is a natural salesman.

Former regulars in the VIP rooms at Chinawhite (the ones through the kitchen and out the back) remember Sid would often be in there in his heyday, offering coke to anyone who came in. One Popbitcher was impressed at how generous he was, giving all this stuff out to total strangers.

Until Sid told him it would be fifty quid.

Rihanna is going to have her Fenty Lingerie launch show the same week as the Victoria’s Secret show this year – and is also using their producers.
>> Mad about the Boy <<
Dale’s drive-by cunting
 

NavyManRich writes:
“I appeared on The Other Half in 1999. Dale [Winton] knew I was gay and gave me his number. We did meet up a few times (lunch only!) but I went to his house when he lived near Camden and was given the tour.

“The same day, whilst sat in his open top car at traffic lights, a jeep pulled up to the right of us. Inside was Boy George. Dale said hi to George, introduced me and said to George, “I haven’t spoken to you in ages!” To which Boy George replied, “That’s because you never phone me, you cunt!” before roaring off.

“(It was all said in good humour, I hasten to add.)”

Nominative Determinism Of The Week pt.I: Sexual Health Technician at Royal London Hospital… Mandy Clapp!
>> Andi Blandi <<
Keeping the air clean
 

What with all the drink-driving, pill-popping and plant-pot masturbation, you’d be forgiven for thinking that the entire entertainment industry is a godless hellscape without a single pure soul left in it. But you’d be wrong.

Andi Peters is so clean-cut that he won’t even let anyone swear in front of him. If you curse in his presence, not only will he leave the room, he will add you to his ‘list’.

Popbitch reader Jo loves Slimpod: “Choosing healthy food has become easy and enjoyable. I’ve lost 20lbs without dieting or willpower. I’m thrilled!” Slimpod is called “profound and life-changing” by an NHS consultant, is recommended by doctors and used by nurses. Save £20 today with POPBITCH3 code.
[Visit ThinkingSlimmer]
>> RIP Avicii <<
Tickets to the great gig in the sky
 

Avicii used to be the ambassador for Denim & Supply, a now-defunct Ralph Lauren clothing label.

The brand aimed for a rock’n’roll aesthetic (showrooms filled with guitars and amps; designs influenced by vintage hard rock T-shirts, etc) so staff were a little mystified that bosses chose a Swedish EDM DJ to be the company’s face.

Not that they had a problem with Avicii himself. In fact, he was extremely generous, dishing out dozens and dozens of free tickets for his gigs. The trouble was that – after being forced to listen to his music all day, every day, in store – no-one wanted to go.

Instead they tried to fob their tickets off on junior staff or the cleaners, whipping up ever-more creative excuses as to why they couldn’t attend. After a while the bosses pulled rank. Terrified they were at risk of upsetting the star, word came down from head office that, at no notice, the whole team would have to cancel their prior engagements and go along to his gig.

On Valentine’s Day.

Among the items that organisers have announced are banned from the Eurovision arena: animals, golf balls, adhesive tape, drugs, chairs and handcuffs.
>> Kerry gold <<
Chipshop at the chip shop
 

Kerry Katona was out making the most of the lovely weather this week, taking her kids out onto Brighton Pier for some fish and chips.

Presumably thinking that her celebrity cachet would mean that she didn’t need to do such plebeian things as ‘queue’, Kerry and her brood cut their way straight through the crowds at the Palm Court restaurant, selected a table for herself and sat down at it.

She was quickly collared by a server, who explained that that isn’t how things work and made her go right to the back of the line.

Nominative Determinism Of The Week, pt.II: the Marketing Executive at the Sydney Fish Markets is called… Kelly Seagrave.
>> Meddle Mickey <<
Rourke’s imaginary friend
 

Mickey Rourke posted an unexpected tribute to Amy Winehouse on his Instagram account last week, which read:

“I met her sister a year or so after her death,i told her sister how much i loved her (“her sister told me Amy loved me also”) That really touched me to hear that…(kindred’ spirits) Love ya girl..listen her music all the time,looking forward to meeting you on the other side.”

It’s a sweet little story and a very touching sentiment. The only slight problem? Amy doesn’t have a sister. So fuck knows who Mickey spoke to.

[See it on Instagram]

2017 was a bad year for wine. Worldwide production was at a historically low level.
>> Zack attack! <<
Got the moves like Sabre
 

ITV have just announced they’re making a new 10-part wrestling show. We have our fingers crossed they’ll find space to involve our new favourite wrestler, Zack Sabre Jr.

Zack has a few specialist moves, and he’s taken some pretty interesting inspiration when naming them. One of his moves is called “Orienteering With Napalm Death” (named after a Stewart Lee routine). Another is called “HyperNormalisation” (named after an Adam Curtis film).

But catchiest of all? “Hurrah! Another Year, Surely This One Will Be Better Than The Last; The Inexorable March of Progress Will Lead Us All to Happiness” (named after a Youthmovies EP).

[See the HyperNormalisation move in action]

Fancy a night out at a talk but Mary Beard is not your thing? Here’s two more from the How To Academy. Book here and get 15% off with code POPBITCH. We recommend:

How The Internet Is Killing Democracy [more info here]

and Jaron Lanier’s 10 Arguments For Deleting Your Social Media Accounts Right Now [more info here]

>> Hmmms <<
Prince, Rupes, dragon dicks
 

Someone has bought up Soulja Boy’s old web domain, and it now sells dildos for furries
[See on Twitter]

Paisley Park have released the original studio recording of Prince’s Nothing Compares 2 U
[Hear on Esquire]

The Spaced house is up for sale
[See on Zoopla]

An updated list of the 446 people/places/things Donald Trump has insulted on Twitter
[Read on NYT]

Conspiracy theorists stand down: Rupert Murdoch isn’t dead
[Joan Collins has proof]

House Of Eurovision seems to be struggling
[Read on SimplyWallSt]

Thanks to: TheIronSheik, AON, N, yama, DJ, Party_B, MM, A, SK, theabominablehoman, gentlemanthug, ulysses, GC, SW, DE
Old Jokes Home
Q/ Did you hear about the pig who lost his voice?
A/ He was disgruntledStill Bored?
A weirdly fascinating long read about a billion dollar race in the colour pigment industry
[Read on Bloomberg]

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