Daley Temptations

Danan was once hired by teen magazine Bliss to compere a High School Prom night at a school in Durham – and boy, did they get their money’s worth. Because guess what he shouted into the microphone as soon as he was handed it?

“COME ON! LET’S GET THIS FUCKING PARTY STARTED, YOU FUCKERS!”

Within seconds, the headteacher had stormed the stage, demanding that Danan apologise to the room of giggling teens for his inappropriate language.

What with this and the success of Baby Driver, crappy headphones might just become 2017’s hottest accessory.

One of Geri’s former reps ended up in all manner of legal difficulty at the start of this decade after she was caught catfishing strangers on the internet. Rather boldly, she decided her best way out of trouble was to attempt to sue people for it. (Spoiler: it didn’t go very well…)

Now another of Geri’s previous reps (Phil Green) has just found himself at the heart of a very strange news story. One of Phil’s current clients is Chloe Ayling: the 20 year old model that got handcuffed, kidnapped and stuffed in a bag in Milan.

Talking to one of the team’s best known players, he couldn’t believe his luck when the star immediately agreed to help. However, it quickly became clear that the player hadn’t really been following the conversation too closely.

“Cambodia…” the player said. “That’s that town near Oxford, right?”

That geography genius? Raheem Sterling.

A couple of the other players looked a little suspicious when the photographer turned out to be a stunning woman, who arrived in tight clothes and high heels (a look she persevered with throughout the Muslim country) but they bit their tongues.

Until it came to the first shoot, that is, when it became extremely obvious she was barely able to distinguish one end of a camera from the other.

So someone discreetly hired a local photographer to accompany them instead (while quietly giving Sagna props for managing to so unsubtly sneak his latest fancy onto a fully-paid-for trip).

That was the way things worked until she ended up marrying one of the players, Djibril Cisse, and settled down in Cheshire. The couple have since divorced – but now?

Last year at Man Utd, Henrikh Mkhitaryan was living at the Lowry Hotel and was often seen eating dinner on his own, reading quietly. This summer though, he’s been a lot more social – photographed out and about with the familiar face of… Jude Cisse.

Is the Liverpool/Man Utd rivalry finally thawing? If they’re sharing contacts like this, it must be.

Now it looks like they’re widening the net.

Doyen Global recently approached Harry Hickford, the childhood friend, current housemate, and sort-of adoptive brother of Dele Alli.

The move has all the hallmarks of a poaching attempt. We just wonder if Dele’s current agent knows that Dele’s considered fair game in the business…

Having been asked to draw the rainbow, the teacher was a little concerned when the young boy handed in a completely colourless crescent of blacks and greys.

They called his mum in for a chat to see if she’d noticed anything unusual about the boy that might explain his worrying artistic expression, but the explanation turned out to be a simple one.

The boy was a huge fan of the kids show Rainbow, so knew the shape very well – but they only had a black and white TV set in the house.

“She gave us our tea, and sat looking at the portrait repeatedly, dying for us to ask about it. My mate speaks up first, asking “Is that Lenny Henry?” She just about held on to her gobful of PG and hissed ‘No, it’s not fucking Lenny Henry! It’s MY SON, DALEY THOMPSON’.

“She eventually calmed down once we’d said how proud she must be. And then she invited us to remove our shirts if we wanted to. Y’know, if we were hot. It would be OK, who’s gonna know? Lads, it’s fine – get your shirts off, it’s boiling in here.

“It was February. The week after, we heard she’d tried dragging a scaffolder in through the kitchen window.”

Ever been seduced by a celebrity’s relative? hello@popbitch.com

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If you want to get a headstart drawing cock and balls all over the AR version of your city, get to it
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Local news of the week
[Read on The Courier]

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