************************************
Popbitch Magazine for smartphones/tablets
ISSUE 6: “Meow Then, Meow Then” OUT NOW
We take an in-depth look at:
* Crystal Meth Sex and the Perfect Crime
* Can Scandal Still Kill A Celeb Career?
* The Super Powers Of Japanese Pants
* Tom Hanks’ Expert Pissing Technique
Download for iOS and Android here
************************************
“I am that Trivial Pursuit cheese wedge” – Duke Dumont
POPBITCH _ _ _ _
_ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__
| ‘_ \ / _ \| ‘_ \| ‘_ \| | __/ __| ‘_ \
| |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |
| .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_|
|_| |_| 11.09.14 ISSUE 706
Free every week: subscribe here
To send stories email: hello@popbitch.com
* Strictly confidential
* Parcslife: Hols with Hugh
* Charts: Calvin Harris is number one
>> Jack Spat <<
Nice work if you can get it
Loads of celebs pull off the ethical, green talk but have no intention of actually doing the ethical, green walk. You can’t accuse Jack Johnson of that. He’s so committed that he will pull his live appearances if a venue’s recycling policy is not up to scratch. Pull the appearance and still get paid, mind you.
Where on earth do they eat the most Spam? Guam.
>> Spicy conversation <<
Let’s talk about sex, Mel B
PRs working on the X Factor this year were dreading finding out who would have to look after Mel B during the show.
Not because she’s not nice to them. She is. But because she talks absolutely non-stop, and in great detail, about her sex life.
Anyone know if it’s true Simon Cowell commandeered a whole studio to be his dressing room this year?
>> Big Question <<
Who is asking what today?
Which reality TV singing star was spotted running into the Coach & Horses, Soho, to use the toilet, then seen emerging minutes later rubbing his nose? Must have been his time for a coke break?
The papers today all received a big, serious academic report on an independent Scotland’s future currency options. The professor who did it? Ronald McDonald.
>> Parcslife <<
Holidays with Hugh
Where has Hollywood A-lister Hugh Jackman been holidaying this summer? St Tropez? Maui? Mustique? Nope. The new Centre Parcs in Woburn Forest, Bedfordshire.
We are told he was “a gent” and he queued politely for the water slide “like any other human being”.
Also at celebtastic Centre Parcs at that same time – Mark McGhee, now assistant manager of the Scottish national team.
>> Strictly confidential <<
Notes from the partners’ meeting
Gossip reaches us from backstage at Strictly. Here are some first impressions of the new recruits:
* Gregg Wallace – Massive twat. Talked loudly, constantly telling shit jokes. Then decided to take his trousers off and walk around wardrobe and make up in his pants.
* Scott Mills – Nervous as hell. Brought his mum on set with him and took her everywhere, arm in arm. She couldn’t help him though. He was terrible on camera.
* Judy Murray – Stiff as a brush and very aloof. Don’t think she’ll last.
* Mark Wright from TOWIE – Very humble and could be surprise package.
* Alison from Big Brother – The nicest of the lot and she can certainly move.
Rick Stein is “at war” with a neighbour over how Rick lets his French onions grow “like weeds”.
>> Full Disclosure <<
Baby face; Big head?
Backstage at Bestival, Sam Smith overheard telling one of his Disclosure buddies “You know, I’ve realised I’m actually an artist… I don’t know why people still treat me like it was last year when I am where I am this year.”
FYI: The overhearer did say Sam was very nice though.
A YouGov poll for Sunday Times put “Yes” ahead in Scotland. It may be entirely unrelated but YouGov have the nickname “What do you want it to say, Guv”.
>> Piece of cake <<
Abz talks, we listen
So, 5ive are now 3hree. In his inimitable style, Abz has given an interview explaining why he left the band, why the comeback didn’t work without J and (inadvertently) how to bake:
“If we were making a cake, J would be the eggs. He’s an essential part of the ingredients and so with him missing, the cake never rose. It just kind of stayed flat and not properly cooked. There were a few raisins in it and I don’t like raisins so I had to take them out. You get what I’m trying to say with that analogy? There was no cherry icing on the top.
“It was just a shitty cake and that’s all it’s been since.”
Interview:
http://auspop.blogspot.com.au/2014/09/interview-abz-5ive.html
Debbie McGee, in the Observer, on how she met Paul Daniels. “I remember sticking my tongue out at him and he said “Ooh I wouldn’t put that in my mouth”, and I said “You would!”
>> Hmms <<
Ducks, decks, dicks
****************************************
Thanks to: D, TM, abominablehoman, soap_handerton, monstris, ER, M, bad_horsey, NC
****************************************
Old Jokes Home
A transvestite from Greater Manchester walked into a bar.
He had a Wigan address.
Still Bored?
Is Tom Hanks really Hollywood’s best pisser?
http://app.popbitch.com/2014/09/11/tom-hanks-golden-boy/
