Fear Of Ink And Gays

London’s best night out? Secret Cinema presents Blade Runner: The Final Cut – A Secret Live Experience. We’ve recently become big fans – the neon umbrellas and rain just have to be seen… You don’t just watch the movie here, you really get inside it. We’ve persuaded Secret Cinema to offer Popbitch readers tickets at HALF PRICE for the next 48 hours. Use code POPBITCH and get booking!

[Book at Secret Cinema]

“Bloodbaths are kind of serious, but this is a serious music competition” – Alexander Rybak

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* Rehab goes GDPR compliant!

* Amal Clooney’s frocky horror!

* PLUS: Your fully updated Eurovision Guide!

>> Royal bust <<

What’s in a name?

The Harry and Meghan Show has been a hugely positive thing for magazines, for newspaper editors, and for the Royals themselves – but the new modern take on royalty isn’t popular with everyone though.
Take those old stick-in-the-muds who work at Buckingham Palace, for example. They’re already griping that Ms Markle is “difficult”, and have even given her a new nickname in the palace.
“Meghan the Menace”.

The next star to get a Broadway show? Alanis Morissette. Diablo Cody has written the script for a Jagged Little Pill musical.

>> Frocky horror <<

Amal’s dressed to distress

Amal Clooney was one of the hosts of this week’s Met Gala. As all eyes are on the event, she wanted to look good. So she got Tom Ford’s atelier to prepare a dress for her, which they did – even though her diva-esque demands didn’t exactly endear her to everyone working there.
Their impression of her quickly went from bad to worse though when they saw her turn up on the steps of the Metropolitan in… a Richard Quinn.
Perhaps someone passed on a message as Amal did change into a rather spectacular Ford dress once inside the gala. Just a shame it was missing from all those red carpet photo stories.

Commiserations to Simon Taylor-Davies of the Klaxons who ran in the Boston Marathon but conditions were so bad he dropped out past the halfway mark.

>> Big Questions <<

Who’s asking what this week?

Is everything alright with the Camerons? Neighbours report that Sam seems to be spending a lot of time away from home and that Dave takes the children off on his own a fair bit. Let’s hope she’s just busy with her fashion label.

*** EUROVISION 2018: Hello, Lisbon! ***

>> Flutter madness <<

Smart money / silly songs

We’ve teamed up with our friends at Star Sports for Eurovision. If you are thinking of having a flutter then doing it through this link will help support all the work that went into our free 60-page Eurovision Guide.
And to welcome you to Star Sports, all new customers get a free matched bet of up to £25 when you place a bet on Eurovision.
See all the Eurovision markets and sign up here

[Star Sports]
Who’s going to win? This year is difficult to predict. The odds have been all over the place in the last week, but we’re looking at these bets:
* Ireland each/way (i.e. placed in the Top 4)

* Moldova each/way

* UK placed 16-20th
[Bet with Star Sports]

Want to win a Eurovision 2018 CD? We’ve got three of these retro collectors items to give away. Think you can predict the bottom three? Tell us on Twitter [@Popbitch]

>> Vision impaired <<

A fear of ink and gays

Chinese broadcaster Mango TV have landed themselves in hot water with the European Broadcast Union, getting themselves barred from broadcasting Eurovision this weekend after they allegedly censored Ireland’s performance in the first semi-final for showing a same-sex couple.
And rightly so. Fuck that.
But Ireland wasn’t the only song that they banned. They also refused to broadcast Albania’s song. Why? Because Eugent Bushpepa has tattoos – which have been banned on Chinese television since January.

Spotted milling around the Eurovision arena, checking out the Swedish rehearsals before the public was let in: Will Ferrell.

>> What a gas! <<

Italy get the cold shoulder

It’s a hectic time of year for the various Eurovision entrants, but it’s all been getting a bit much for one of the Italian duo.
He’s been touring for three months straight, so decided to nip home before he was due in Lisbon – only to find that his gas wasn’t working. He called an engineer, but the engineer couldn’t find anything wrong with his pipes.
It turned out that he’d forgotten to pay his gas bill.

Download the free Popbitch Guide To Eurovision. 60 full-colour pages of the best insight, gossip and jokes about the year’s contest. If it’s good enough for Scott Mills to read out practically verbatim on the BBC, it’s good enough for everyone!

[Get it here]

>> Voguebreaker <<

The language of fashion

When MI5 and Secret Services are recruiting, they famously place deliberately obtuse and impenetrable adverts in order to draw in only the most cunning and observant applicants.
It seems that Conde Nast are following their lead, as they’ve just placed a listing for the new Creative Director for Vogue Partnerships on LinkedIn, which reads: “When ideating, you will also be able to think in a platform agnostic way which could execute across Print, Digital and Experiential.”
Our congratulations to whichever Bletchey Park cryptographer manages to secure the gig!

Nominative Determinism of the Week: The Account Director for Exxon Mobil’s ad agency is called… Troy Tarwater!

>> The ring cycle <<

Stuart’s true calling

TV boss Stuart Murphy has left Sky to take up the post of Chief Executive at the English National Opera. It might seem like a strange move, but those who know him know that he’s a real classical buff. In fact, he has Paganini’s Caprice No.24 as his ringtone.
Or, as he prefers to call it, “The South Bank Show Theme”

You’ve seen this Slimpod advert for weeks and you’re still not sure about signing up? Why? Lose weight without dieting or willpower. What are you waiting for? How about our summer offer – exclusively for Popbitch readers – we’ve added a further £20 discount to our current £30 off deal. Use code POPBITCH 20 for the full £50 discount.

[Try Slimpod]

>> Ball brothers <<

Water under the Stamford Bridge

When John Terry’s reckless shagging got his team-mate’s missus up the duff, the fallout was huge. Not only did it cause huge commotion in the Chelsea, Man City and England squads; the resulting superinjunction fiasco created a huge upheaval within the British legal system.
It now seems that the two of them have since moved on and are enjoying a much more sedate sort of pleasure these days.
Both John and Wayne were spotted with their partners attending the Oxshott Village Day in Surrey this bank holiday weekend.
(Each was with his own partner, in case that needs clarifying.)

Luther Vandross sang backing vocals on a Gary Glitter album.

>> Digitrouble <<

Rehab gets GDPR compliant

The hottest new trend in rehabs? Analogue admin.
Many rehab programs encourage patients to undergo a digital detox as part of mindfulness awareness to help increase their inner peace and lower their anxiety – but fancy new ‘sanctuary’ The Hygrove has extended its ban on computers and smartphones to their entire clerical staff too.
Not because they think they’re unhealthy or a distraction, particularly. Mainly because they want patients to feel absolutely confident that there’s no way any delicate data could be harvested or hacked.

Kinky Boots Red Hot Sale! Half the price, double the joy! Half price tickets – until Saturday! Call 020 7087 7754 and quote RED HOT

[Or book at Kinky Boots The Musical]

>> Hmmms <<

Blame, bootlegs, belated congrats

RIP Northumbria Police’s ex drug-sniffing dog, Snoop.

[Pay your respects on Twitter]
This week’s celeb rental listing – fancy Judy Blame’s old flat?

[See on OpenRent]
Belated congratulations to the new project manager of the $10bn Sydney to Melbourne freight line, Richard Wankmuller

[Read on NQ Land Register]
Georgia needs to work on their mic technique

[Listen at Eurovision.tv]
How a billionaire sports network got bootlegged

[Read at New York Times]

Thanks to: Bob, SG, monstris, nightwatchman, IC, RH, KJ, M, bobbifleckmann, SA, PK, SM, AD, RH

Old Euro Jokes Home:

Q/ Why shouldn’t you wear Ukrainian underpants?

A/ Chernobyl fallout
Still Bored?

Can’t decide between Cyprus or Israel to win Eurovision? Back them both!

[Sign up at Star Sports]

Fancy Another?