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“This book is like Twilight, if Twilight was about sex instead of Vampires and didn’t hate women”, Martin Robbins, The Guardian. The web’s finest – Girl on the Net’s brilliant life as a sex blogger in eBook for 99p to Popbitch readers for a limited time in the Kindle store: http://amzn.to/1iC0Pe3
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“Girls have hearts and one thing I can say is that Tulisa has a heart” – Jody Latham
POPBITCH _ _ _ _
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|_| |_| 05.12.13 ISSUE 668
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* The Cowell/Brooks/Coulson love seat
* Horrifying Eurovision rumours
* Charts: Lily v 1D v Calvin for no 1
>> Mail dominance <<
North Pole v Northen Ireland
With only a few days to go until the postal deadlines for Christmas, here’s a little bit of international mail trivia we learned this week:
When kids post letters to Santa, if the letter just has “Santa” on it, it goes to Belfast.
If it has “Santa, Lapland” on it, it goes there.
Michaela Strachan is allergic to elephants.
>> Tinie problem <<
Room for a small one
Poor Tinie Tempah – a year or so ago he used Music Bank rehearsal studios but someone obviously forgot to pay his bill so the studios decided to lock up his equipment until they got paid, which they did.
Fast forward to this year and TT has an arena tour booked so goes back to Music Bank for rehearsals. Music Bank, not wanting the same experience, demanded (and got) money up front for the whole rehearsal period.
Everyone was happy until the tour got postponed. Now Tinie has a huge rehearsal room, block booked and paid for. Let’s hope that the reason given for the rescheduling – that he needed time to practice – was true (rather than the rumoured one that they needed more time to sell tickets) or that room might be sitting empty for quite a while.
BigBen writes: “Stood next to former Tory leader Lord Michael Howard in the gents. Something of the slight about him.”
>> Fuss Abbott <<
Tony feels Aung’s pain
Australia’s new Prime Minister Tony Abbott met Burma’s Aung San Suu Kyi this week. Mr Abbott (who was opposition leader for four years) said to Ms Suu Kyi (who was opposition leader under house arrest for 15 years):
“I was an opposition leader myself for four years; I know that that position has some exhilarations and some frustrations.”
Sydney Madame Tussaud’s still has the Rolf Harris waxwork out and a video behind it where Rolf teaches you the wobble board.
>> Big Questions <<
Who wants to know what?
Which largely untroubled child actor conquered the demon drink – only to pick up a cocaine habit that even seasoned onlookers describe as ‘heroic’?
A spiritual healer from Bromley who claims she used to be Joan of Arc is saying that aliens have told her Crystal Palace will stay in the Premier League.
>> Hot seat <<
Sofa cushions the blows
The News UK offices have a Tech Bar – a faux-Apple style space where you can go to talk through your IT troubles with a technician.
In this Tech Bar, there is a big lumpy leather massage chair. The chair was a gift from Simon Cowell to Rebekah Brooks and it was left in her old office when she left the company.
It now sits in the Tech Bar, notably unused. Employees are no doubt put off by the thoughts generated by the Coulson/Brooks revelations of the hacking trial…
German word of the week: Morgenmuffel. Meaning: “Someone who is always grumpy first thing in the morning”.
>> Glans designs <<
More crotch-based buildings
JWH writes:
“I like your tale of the cock and balls housing estate. I still get at least as much amusement from Audenshaw Reservoir. It looks like a giant pair of Y Fronts from above. Perhaps most reservoirs look like this, I’ve not checked. If they do, well done reservoir architects.”
http://bit.ly/18EvLq3
J writes:
“Have you seen the designer hotel The Scarlet on the North Cornwall coast? Anyone flying from Newquay to London is greeted with a view of a large phallus.”
http://bit.ly/1bJKdxp
Mr Physhe writes:
“After your story about a housing estate in Hoylake, Wirral; this is post-coital result”
http://slate.me/1bJKa4H
A thirteen foot wicker otter has been stolen from the Otter pub in Newbridge.
>> Star treatment <<
The slave labour of love
Hollywood director Bryan Singer likes to surround himself with young Filipino men on his sets. He builds a monitor fortress while shooting and the boys join him in there, as he directs his actors via monitor and microphone.
Judging by the constant giggling that comes from the fortress, it seems that they’re not treated like the Nigella trial-style “filipino slave” at all.
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Looking for the perfect Christmas gift? Unique gifts from Soma, a contemporary gallery and shop selling limited edition prints, cards and gifts handmade by artists. http://somagallery.co.uk/
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>> Eurovision news <<
Fly on D-wing of love
The always noncetastic Junior Eurovision, which took place in Kyiv last week, was won by a stunning 11 year old from Malta with a Celine Dion voice, Gaia Cauchi:
http://bit.ly/1hzNBwY
Also in Eurovision news: Horror! There’s a rumour that Geri Halliwell’s people are aiming for the UK nomination.
Hurrah! Dr Alban is back and competing at Melodifestivalen for the Swedish entry.
Huh? Loving these mental Swiss contestants – heavy metal sung in Latin or a song about the alps?
http://bit.ly/IFBcbI
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You must see these! Rude and hilarious Christmas cards, gifts and the ultimate Secret Santa ideas. Get an extra 15pct off if you spend at least a fiver, use Coupon code 15POPBIZZLE: http://www.brainboxcandy.com/
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>> Hmms <<
Kittens, Kanye, sexy coffins
Australia is looking to get its own Jersey/Geordie Shore:
http://bit.ly/IKK5BR
London DJ collective Sink The Pink launch their new perfume (notes of prosecco, cherry lollipops, leather and pink grapefruit) with Etat Libre D’Orange today at the Redchurch St store:
http://on.fb.me/1bjuoeY
Sheepdogs, playing Grandma’s Footsteps (you have to see it all the way through):
http://bit.ly/1g9bvz8
High-quality acrylic on canvas paintings of your pet. A unique gift for pet lovers everywhere. Call 07983 247662 or:
http://www.icanpaintyourpet.com
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PUNK+ by Sheila Rock. A luxury, limited edition book which features her best unpublished images from 1975-80, inc. The Clash, Siouxsie & The Banshees, Subway Sect, X Ray Spex, Chelsea/Generation X and many more. Only 1700 standard copies, 300 deluxe edition.
http://www.firstthirdbooks.com/
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Thanks to: HC, PD, MSF, poshduckhunter, DY, PK, abominablehoman, mountstnobody, deep_stoat, ulysses, JT, DD, E, M, gravelly_hills_cop, Ollie’s Ladyboys, ML, DY, SG, trellis, MF, AP
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Old Jokes Home:
Q/ What do you call a Rastafarian with auburn hair?
A/ A Ginger Dread Mon
