“I don’t think you understand the showbiz scene at all” – Rolf Harris
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|_| |_|16.12.14 ISSUE 719
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* Xmas/End Of Year Special pt.1
* It was a bumper year for gossip
* The Popbitch Annual 2014 is here!
>> Double Trouble <<
Popbitch Xtra for Xmas
The big Xmas break is coming, so we’re breaking our bumper holiday edition into two parts. Today we’re releasing the 2014 Popbitch Annual – a full review of the year in gossip, which you can download to your phone or tablet for FREE.
If you enjoy that, we’ve got a special Christmas subscription offer running through December if you want to help support our new magazine.
But we’ve also got a bunch of stories, jokes and bits of gossip here in the newsletter too. A few of our favourites from 2014 and a few new bits to keep you up to speed too.
Thanks for being with us this year – and special thanks to all of you who sent in stories, jokes or tips. We couldn’t do it without you.
Koreatown, Sydney has a hipster nitrous gelato bar which serves a flavour called 2 Girls 1 Cup. It’s sour cream chocolate and corn pieces.
>> Secret love <<
Stripped back Christmas
News UK’s move from Fortress Wapping has been great news for its staff, who now have the delights of Bermondsey St and Borough Market to explore.
But spare a thought for the staff at Secrets, pretty much the closest establishment to the old News UK HQ. Without tabloid hacks and newspaper execs to keep it afloat, they sadly closed down.
That’s Secrets, the lapdancing club.
OLD JOKES OF THE YEAR, NO. 10: An E-flat, a G-flat, and a B-flat walk into a bar. The bartender says “Sorry, we don’t serve minors.”
>> Go West! <<
The Wisdom of Kanye
We can always rely on Kanye for a batshit quote or two, but he really outdid himself in 2014. Here’s his best soundbites.
“I don’t like walking around with people thinking I’m doing uncool shit, because there’s nothing I’m doing that’s uncool”.
“The world as a whole is fucking ugly. The internet is ugly too. Instagram is nice, I’m not knocking that.
“I think the world can be saved through design. Because what is the most distasteful thing someone can do? Kill someone. So, good taste is the opposite of that.”
OLD JOKES OF THE YEAR, NO. 9:
Q/ What’s the difference between a Taliban outpost and a Pakistani elementary school?
A/ No idea. I just fly the drone.
>> Big Questions <<
Who’s asking what?
Which hugely popular BBC and ITV primetime star is the subject of a very strange rumour that he and his wife have separated, both have new partners but are choosing to pretend to be together still?
FYI: Keep your old issues? from the second half of the year, in Bryan Adams’ kitchen you could have found Cilla Black. And from the early part of the year, saying “This is just what I do”, was Hugh F-W.
OLD JOKES OF THE YEAR, NO. 8:
Q/ Who lives at number 664?
A/ The neighbour of the beast.
>> Spotted Dicks <<
Celeb sightings of the year
One of the people who worked on the latest series of Sherlock spotted at the gym taking out his frustrations on a punchbag. He called the punchbag “Twitter”.
Dolly Parton spotted this week getting a manicure in a nail bar in Nottingham. (Not a fancy one either; the skanky one on Thurland St by New Look.)
Martin Amis spotted in the gift shop of the British Library, buying a whole stack of black and white postcards of… a young Martin Amis.
OLD JOKES OF THE YEAR, NO. 7:
Q/ What’s the difference between Ebola and Tulisa?
A/ Ebola will finish you off.
>> The Popbich Annual 2014 <<
Paul Ross’s Gay Meow Meow Orgy
What a year it’s been. Normally we look back on a year and don’t really have much to show for it, but 2014 was a bumper year for gossip – mainly because almost all of the showbusiness world was up in court, answering questions.
There’s so much that happened we barely had enough space to cram in Max Clifford’s micro-penis, but we think we’ve done the year justice with our 2014 Annual.
You can download it for free for your iPhone/iPad here:
Or, if you use Android, you can download it for free from Google Play here:
And we make you this solemn promise. Unlike every other review of the year you’ll read, ours doesn’t contain a single mention of Russell Brand.
We have a special festive offer on subscriptions to Popbitch Magazine at the moment. Buy an annual sub for you, or a friend, and we’ll give three of your friends a FREE three-month gift subscription. PLUS You’ll get a free copy of Popbitch: At Length for yourself.
BUY HERE securely via Paypal: http://bit.ly/popbitchxmas
>> I won’t be back <<
Shopping with Schwarzenegger
He might be a multi-millionaire but Arnold Schwarzenegger still likes the simple pleasures in life – especially around the Holiday season. Like blagging discounts.
No-one matter how high-end the store that Arnie chooses, if a discount to his liking isn’t forthcoming, he is quite happy to take his business to another branch.
Even if it means he has to go to a different continent.
OLD JOKES OF THE YEAR, NO. 6:
Q/ What was Whitney Houston’s favourite kind of co-ordination?
A/ Haaaannnnd eeeyyyeeee…
>> Christmas jeer <<
Foul mouthed and festive
Usually around this time of year we’ve got Hanson’s Snowed In on constant repeat here in the Popbitch office, but we’ve got a strong contender for our new favourite Xmas song – mainly because it introduced us to the wonderful new adjective “cuntity”
You can see Fascinating Aida in concert, at the South Bank for the New Year and across the UK from January-March.
X Factor choreographer Brian Friedman has a dog called Mika.
>> Hmmms <<
Links of the year
Popbitch Hero Of The Year: Man tries to hump everything on the train – including the drinks trolley
Interesting Site Of The Year: There are four million songs on Spotify that have never been listened to. Try one!
Bleak Tumblr Of The Year: Dimly Lit Meals For One
Viral Video Of The Year: Man draws cock and balls on his wife’s whiteboard for a whole year
GIFs Of The Year: Animals Sucking At Jumping
Webgame of the year: Sesame Street Fighter
Popbitch: At Length – We got some great writers to write in-depth features for us. Perfect Christmas reading for 4.99GBP (or free with our special Xmas offer!)
Thanks: Everyone who sent in jokes, stories and gossip but a special mention to regulars: AM, SK, MS, SG, posh_duckhunter
Extra Old Jokes Home:
Brendan Rogers is in talks to take up a role at UKIP. They’re looking for an expert to get them out of Europe.
BBC’s first iPlayer only programme is a new two-hour long documentary by Adam Curtis. Bitter Lake launches on iPlayer, 18 Jan 2015. But there’s an extended trailer you can watch now: