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G-String Theory

 

There’s still time to get into the Cheltenham Festival spirit by playing William Hill’s Lucky 7 game. Up to 50k jackpot available today, and up to 100k tomorrow for Gold Cup day! Free to enter, just sign in with your Facebook or William Hill account, pick a horse in each race and keep your fingers crossed. Player/country restrictions and terms apply. 18+ only.
[Play Lucky 7 here]
“Professor, I will see you in the cosmos one day as like you I believe we are stardust” – Peter Stringfellow
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* Farewell, Stephen Hawking!
* Obvious choppers at West Ham
* Charts: Rudimental are new No.1?
>> Pitt for tatt <<
Brad gets a new look
 

How has Brad Pitt been coping with the divorce? Funny you should ask.

He and Angelina got matching ‘commitment’ tattoos shortly before they split, and it seems to have given Brad a bit of a taste for needlework. Someone who was fitting him for a suit recently caught a glimpse of his bare torso in the mirror and saw that it is absolutely covered in new tattoos.

If you need a more precise description, apparently he looks like a “white Lil Wayne”.

Simon Fuller’s latest project: a global S Club Juniors-style band of pre-teens… with 14 members.
>> What happens in Vegas… <<
…happens again in Moscow
 

Excerpts of Russian Roulette, a new book about Trump and his ties to Russia, appeared in the press over the weekend – with a lot being made of a night in 2013 where Trump and his visiting pals, the Agalarovs, attended a notorious Vegas club, The Act, which is famous for its risqué acts of simulated bestiality, S&M and golden showers.

The authors of the book say they couldn’t confirm what acts Trump saw that night, but there’s some serious discussion being had in Washington newsrooms about the rumour that it’s precisely because Trump was so tickled by a routine he saw where two women urinated on one another – and kept bringing it up all night to his companions – that the infamous Russian piss-party ended up happening at all.

Seeing what a kick he’d got out of it in Vegas, his Russian pals apparently thought it would make for a nice welcome treat to give Trump a private encore performance when he arrived at the Ritz-Carlton in Moscow.

Judging from what we heard earlier this week, Janelle Monáe’s new album is going to be a belter. (Especially the song that sounded like it was called Screwed.)
>> Big Questions <<
Who’s asking what this week?
 

Which reality TV star is using daddy’s money to stop tabloids running stories about their fairly unsubtle coke habit? Threats of a high court injunction have already been tabled, but their willingness to take selfies with ‘fans’ outside the very bogs that they’d just been hoofing gak in might blow a hole in their case…

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>> A question of time <<
Ringing a bell now, boys?
 

Stephen Hawking loved Depeche Mode. During the 90s, he wrote to their management to see if he could meet them backstage after a gig. No-one replied.

So he wrote again saying he was a massive fan and would be honoured to meet them. Again, no reply.

He eventually asked his assistant to contact their record label, Mute, who then contacted Depeche Mode.

The reply came back that they “always get letters off this bloke trying to blag tickets, and who the fuck is he anyway?”

Stephen Hawking was less fond of Status Quo. He went to see them once but left after 20 minutes on account of them being “terrible”.
>> G-string theory <<
The greatest ITV3 series never made
 

Peter Stringfellow took the gold yesterday for Most Surprising Tribute to Stephen Hawking, tweeting a picture of himself and the professor that had been taking after a dinner the pair had at his strip club in 2003.

Hawking was no stranger to Stringfellow’s Cabaret of Angels show in Covent Garden. In fact, he’d be treated to bespoke performances where the girls would come upstairs to see him because the wheelchair accessibility was so bad in the building. (His favourite girl was Tiger, if anyone can let her know how much he appreciated her attention?)

Anyway, it’s rare that we’d ever want to be a fly on any of Peter Stringfellow’s walls, but we’d have loved to have been present for the memorable night where Stringfellow was kind enough to introduce Professor Hawking to another of his regular VIP punters… Calum Best.

Stephen Hawking wasn’t just a regular at Stringfellows. Max Clifford was often kept busy ensuring stories of Hawking’s more ‘eventful’ nights at Spearmint Rhino didn’t become public knowledge.
>> A light at the opera <<
Shine on, Stephen Hawking
 

Stephen Hawking was a regular patron of the Royal Opera House for over twenty years, so he was a dab hand at opera etiquette. His assistant though? A little less so.

Clearly excited to be out at the opera, she was concentrating so intently when the house lights dimmed for the start of the show that they forgot a critical duty. In the quiet before the orchestra struck up, the distinctive voice of the venerable professor was heard calling out “Turn it off. Turn it off.”

He was referring to the monitor of his computer module, which – in the now darkened auditorium – was causing him to become notably illuminated.

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>> Hammered <<
An obvious chopper
 

Pitch invasions at the London Stadium topped off a week of stories about how West Ham fans were organising mass protests over what’s happened to all the club’s money since it was taken over by David Sullivan, David Gold and Karren Brady.

There’s a million things that could have set off Saturday’s protesters but perhaps one of them was sat at home watching Sky Sports News on Friday. There was an interview with David Sullivan’s son, Jack, who’s been given his own column on the club’s website and the rather cushy role of “Ladies Managing Director”.

Sat very obviously in shot behind Jack throughout the interview? His helicopter.

Karren Brady wasted no time in endearing herself to the club’s old guard when they bought West Ham. The much-loved old club secretary, Peter Barnes, had a heart attack. Brady’s way of helping him recover? Sacking him.
>> A tale of two strikes <<
A new Popbitch four-parter
 

Thirty years ago this month, the Writers Guild of America went on strike over a dispute regarding residuals. As an unintended consequence of the 1988 strike, reality TV as we know it today was born.

Ten years ago, the WGA were on strike again – in part to try to wrest some official control over the scripting of reality TV. As an unintended consequence of the 2007/08 strike, Donald Trump was given a second chance.

Together, these two strikes have had a profound effect on pop culture, the media and politics, and it’s only in the aftermath of the school shooting in Parkland, Florida that we are seeing the true extent of it.

This is a long story – one that takes in Fox TV, a crack-addicted baby, former First Lady Nancy Reagan, Kim Kardashian, Gordon Brown, the legend of Al Capone, InfoWars and, regrettably, Piers Fucking Morgan. We’ll be telling it in four parts, one a week for the next four weeks.

The introduction and the first part is here
[Read A Tale Of Two Strikes on Popbitch]

Jim Bowen used to request that all the mail for their house was given directly to him by the postman and never to his wife.
>> Sun down <<
Bettor the devil you know
 

The Sun’s betting arm, SunBets, hasn’t quite been the success News UK were hoping for since Rebekah Brooks set it up – and now they’re even turning on their own.

One of the latest people to have their account limited on the platform? Charlie Brooks. Husband of Rebekah.

It’s Rebekah Brooks’ 50th in May, so she’s planning a huge party in Chipping Norton. Maybe it can double as a celebration of there being no Leveson 2? It’ll be the same guest list…
>> Eurobits <<
2018’s a washout
 

We’ve always strived to be very positive about Eurovision, but this year may have beaten us. There are a couple of things to look out for in the endless sea of sloppy dreck though.

* Norway: Alexander Rybak’s back and he’s entered a song that sounds like the sort of thing Jamie Oliver would have written if he’d wanted kids to take music lessons instead of eat salads.
[Listen]

* Czech Republic: Sadly, he’s going to have to cut the line about how “motherfuckers wanna eat my spaghetti” but it’s got an early-90s Have Fun Go Mad sort of vibe.
[Listen]

* Israel: Starts off weird, and doesn’t really get any less so, but those chicken noises are definitely going to capture people’s attention.
[Listen]

* Sweden: The only track in the competition that sounds vaguely contemporary. If, by contemporary, you mean a Nick Jonas single from around 2016.
[Listen]

 

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>> Hmmms <<
Cats, cars, computer soda
The Infinite Jukebox
[Loop some tunes]Cat giving a ferret a tongue bath
[See on Imgur]

H&M are up to some bad fuckery
[Read on PostersAndPrints]

A catalogue of vending machines in computer games
[The VGSM Project]

This week’s Africa by Toto hack: a car alert
[Hear on Crave]

Interesting profile of the female billiards scene
[Read on Topic]

Car chasing fish on a frozen pond
[Watch on Laughing Squid]

An insider’s take on how badly Vice is handling their sexual harassment culture
[Read on Medium]

Anyone in London wanting to go to the Gold Cup day tomorrow? One Popbitcher has a pair of tickets – £200ono for both. Email pophorse@popbitch.com

Want a special set of Popbitch tips for tomorrow’s Gold Cup? Sign up for a special email tomorrow morning here [Get tips tomorrow]

Thanks to: mrmrr, Dom Kaos, SD, T, major_bloodnok, SW, M, LOC, HO, J, SM, RT, E, gentlemanthug
Old Jokes Home
Why is it hard to joke with a kleptomaniac?
They keeping taking things. Literally.Still Bored?
Seems the person we all need to get tips off is golfer Lee Westwood – he picked the winners of the first 10 races at the festival. But as we don’t know what Lee’s backing today, we’ve got AP McCoy’s selections instead.
[Read AP McCoy’s tips here].

Plus these tips from the course: 2.10pm Glencoe; 2.50pm Un De Sceaux; 3.30pm Yanworth; 4.50pm Laurina. Good luck!

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