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RUBBERBANDITS at SOHO THEATRE EXTRA SHOWS
Huge demand means shows have been added at 11pm, Fri 1st and Sat 2nd Feb. Popbitches get a fiver off. Quote “YOKES” when booking: http://bit.ly/U3J1uJ
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“A medium said the man I’d marry was called Kevin. Kieran’s name is close to Kevin and it all became clear” – Jordan
POPBITCH _ _ _ _
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|_| |_| 24.01.13 ISSUE 626
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* Savile still haunts us
* Michael Winner’s silver tongue
* Charts: Bingo Players aim for number 1
>> Bad impression <<
Savile haunts everything
If the simple mistake of showing an old episode of the Tweenies with a character dressed as Jimmy Savile can be enough to provide a front page splash for the tabloids, then the red-tops already have tomorrow sewn up.
This morning a re-run of the Gadget Show had a segment testing out some high-quality telephones by getting impressionist Phil Cornwell to ring up the presenters. First up, Phil called Suzy Perry, engaging her in conversation as Jimmy Savile.
Then again, this was on Dave rather than the BBC, so without the added value of giving the beeb a kicking, perhaps the papers won’t care.
Westminster workers claim that Ed Balls likes to jumps the lunch queue.
>> Winner’s List <<
Remembering Michael
Michael Winner liked being surrounded by women. An actress who was employed as his PA for a while tells a story of what working for him was like. After a few months he summoned her into his office, whereupon he reached into his top drawer and produced a piece of paper – which he said was a list of the women he had slept with.
He announced, “I have slept with 115 women in my life and I want you to be number 116.”
She refused. And was sacked.
Winner would sometimes invite women to his house for ‘castings’. Which would turn out to be for the role of “Michael Winner’s Dinner Party Companion”.
>> Big Questions <<
What people are asking this week
Which BBC daytime star left the hotel cleaners a lovely little thank you gift after a recent stay – a huge dollop of spunk right in the middle of the bed?
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>> Dick move <<
Apologising, Madeley style
Now Richard Madeley has no big TV show to air his thoughts, he seems to have taken to using his column in the Sunday Express to get up people’s noses. A quick run-down of his week:
1) Write fist-shaking, vein-popping column titled “Risking A Baby’s Life For Lunch” about how lazy and thoughtless paramedics are for occasionally needing to eat and piss and breathe. Berate a specific ambulance service who helped save the life of a baby.
2) When your piece is reduced to rubble by people who actually knew the facts of the case, see the story pulled from the Express website.
3) Publish a follow-up piece a week later. Claim follow-up piece is “no mealy-mouthed apology”.
4) Fail to actually say sorry.
5) Act like the rant against ambulance crews was actually a rant championing ambulance crews (“hearing their stories it’s a wonder they don’t all hand in their badges…”) Forget to point out that those stories were largely complaints from medics saying your story was a load of balls. Or from the baby’s family, who were shocked at the piece.
Richard Madeley uses Andrex toilet paper with added aloe vera.
>> Gizza bob <<
Charity begins at home
SJH writes:
“Many years ago I was doing door-to-door sales in Davington, Kent and went to Bob Geldof’s house. I was selling aerial photos of the village but the Priory he lived at wasn’t even on the photos. I gave him the spiel that I was saving to go on a gap year to Venezuela (all lies). He said he didn’t want a photo as they ‘were shit’ but still gave me 20 quid to help with my travels.
“I then said I was thirsty and he invited me in for a drink and his daughter Fifi Trixibelle made me a salad.”
Gruesome Twitter Twosome: Tinie Tempah tweeted Labour’s Chuka Umanna to tell him to “check his DMs”.
>> Sexual Harris-ment <<
More stories from the 70s
“I grew up in the belief that sex was dirty. It was spoken of only behind the boy’s lavatory at school or written with chalk on a wall.
“I can remember getting a hiding from my mother when I was about four for doing a super drawing of a man with no clothes on – he was standing there absolutely naked and urinating – and my mother didn’t like it.
“When I was ten or 11 my mother decided I should see her naked to let me know it was all natural and everything – and we had baths together. But it was too late by then. It just used to embarrass me.
“Then my mum brought me a book about what any young boy should know and she stayed in the room while I tried to read it, but I was just too embarrassed and couldn’t wait to get out of that room.”
– Rolf Harris, TV Times, c1974.
Clever (and chilly) ringtailed lemurs at Tropiquaria Zoo, Somerset have taken to reaching out into the heater cage and turning up the thermostat.
>> Press Gang <<
Friends in high places
A British journalist is up in court in Thailand, potentially facing jail. Bangkok-based blogger Andrew Drummond is charged with computer and internet media crimes, which in Thailand seems to mean doing something that someone powerful doesn’t like.
Drummond was the local journalist who worked with News Of The World and Max Clifford on the story that got Gary Glitter jailed. So after what’s happened to all of them, there’s only one conclusion to draw from this.
God is a Glitter fan…
Remember duck-kicking footballer Habib Habibou? Football365.com say that “Habib” translates as “love” or “lover”, so he may be referred to as Mr Lover Lover.
>> Eurobits <<
Getting ready for Malmo
After Kimberley Walsh’s performance at the National TV Awards last night, Eurovision fans are probably praying that the Swedish reports that she will represent UK this year are wrong. So which is the other name which keeps coming up as a rumour on the fan sites…? Pixie Lott.
While UK Eurovision fans continue to sweat over what might be, most of the other countries practice a form of democracy and allow TV viewers to vote on their acts. There’s good stuff already:
* Lithuania – chose a sweet, mildly indie male singer over a fabulous Yazoo-inspired duo.
* Estonia – these two batshit entries have made it into their final.
* Norway – black metal-opera crossover is the current favourite.
* Albania – epic folk-rock, and an early favourite for the title.
FYI: Time Magazine has listed the Eurovision Song Contest in the top five global events not to be missed this year.
Is Snoop Dogg scared of heights? He turned down a trip to go up the Burj Khalifa when he was playing in Dubai at Xmas.
>> Simple things <<
Difficult things made, er, harder
Quite the most clever website at the moment is #UpGoerfive. You have to explain a complex subject using only the thousand most common English words. Much harder than it sounds:
e.g. Higgs Boson “is the tiny thing that makes all other things heavy”. This and other good examples:
http://bit.ly/10MT6At
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Freelance proof reader/sub-editor available for new projects. Clients inc Arsenal FC, Oxford University Press and Popbitch’s best-selling Badger v Baboon book. Get in touch to discuss your project, whether big or small:
http://www.liztray.com/
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>> Hmmms <<
Labradoodle, bride, Satan
Win a pair of VIP tickets for England v Brazil at Wembley next month with Citibet magazine:
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A lion in New York? Or Charles the labradoodle:
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100GBP off a vehicle remap if you quote POPBITCH. Gives your car up to 35% increased power and/or 20% extra fuel economy:
http://www.morphremaps.co.uk
How long can you swim in a spent nuclear fuel pool?
http://what-if.xkcd.com/
Great music video – the ducks strike back:
http://bit.ly/11TyYwM
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POPBITCH POPQUIZ – FEBRUARY New regular slot – second Monday each month, The Player, Soho, 7pm. Book here for 11th Feb. 5GBP each. Pre-Valentines quiz. Come hook up with a fellow quizzer, or just enjoy love songs on the accordion…
http://www.wegottickets.com/event/206058
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Thanks to: ulysses, theabominablehoman, F_L, MS, SJH, TM, JP, JC, S, PR, JW, SM
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Old Jokes Home:
Q/ What do you call a Mexican being chased by a Catholic priest in Texas?
A/ Alien vs Predator.
